MSI Press Blog

  I recently came across a wonderful post on Caring Bridge , a site that helps critically ill people and their caregivers establish to communicate with family members (so as not to have to repeat the same information many times). It also has a lot of other ways of providing support and supportive information. Among that information I discovered this great piece that I wish I had seen when I was the stressed-out caregiver for my husband and MSI Press typesetter, Carl Leaver .  Here is the post. Following the post is a list of 8 tips for managing spouse caregiver burnout -- and boy, are they great, starting with #1, "understand that your feelings are valid." You can read the tips HERE . What Is Spouse Caregiver Burnout? Spouse caregiver burnout is a state of exhaustion and stress that can affect people who provide ongoing care to their partner. Also called caregiver stress or caregiver fatigue, it’s something that can affect someone physically, mentally and emotionally. Unfortu

photo: care.com When Carl was dying from Cancer of Unknown Primary , we were facing the question of how to handle his 24/7 needs for care. Everything was compressed during that time -- decisions had to be made without the time to reasonably research them and rationally make them. (That is the primary reason MSI Press established Carl's Cancer Compendium : to pull together a lot of the basic, time-consuming research that could be accessed with just a couple of clicks).  When we decided to try chemotherapy, he became not eligible for hospice care. IMHO, there is a problem with the binary system behind hospice availability. Decide to work on dying - hospice is available. Decide to work on living -- you're on your own. Yet, this is exactly the time that patients and their families need help; being on your own is certain to result in a range of emotions, including anger and frustration, as well as poorly informed decisions, burnout from family member who cannot do everything and be

  Excerpt from A Movie Lover's Search for Romance (Joanna Charnas) THE NEW GUY   You don’t always know when you’re experiencing burnout until you’re hip deep in its muck. You also don’t comprehend how completely addicting Internet dating is until you’re hooked. So if you find yourself burned out from Internet dating, as I did, the prudent thing is to give it a rest. Although I planned to take a break from Internet dating, I’d become too addicted to stop. It didn’t matter that I was emotionally exhausted from too many blind dates. Which is when Simon entered my life.  I met Simon on an Internet dating site. When we first spoke on the phone, he asked if I’d meet him that evening at a party given in honor of a couple of his friends. Simon explained that his schedule was booked for the rest of the week, but he wanted to meet me right away. The party started in mid-afternoon, and assuming I wouldn’t be enslaved and forced into the sex trade, I agreed to rendezvous at his friends’ house

  Today would have been the 54th anniversary for Carl  and me. Last year, I spent it in the cemetery with Carl, as I did the year before. This year I cannot because I am in Bandung, Indonesia, but perhaps that is just as well.  On our 51st, he was alive, but not well. Three weeks earlier, he had fallen, been xrayed, and found to be in the advanced stage of cancer of unknown primary , with liver, lungs, bones, and stomach completely riddled with cancer cells, blood clots in his lungs, and his bones throwing off cells to create hypercalcemia, the reason he had fallen. It was a difficult time. We were just coming out of the covid months. We brought our CHARGE Syndrome son CB who had been living in group homes for 20 years home when they were not careful with protection from covid. At the same time, our spina bifida daughter, who lives about 30 miles to the south of us, independently, with a county-provided part-time aide lost her caregiver to surgery and no one wanted to take over, given

From the site: Julie Potter is a certified social worker who has experience in home care, hospice, nursing homes and hospitals. For 20 years, she turned her expertise toward coordinating a spousal bereavement program, as well as a hospital-based wellness program for people 60 and over. She has recently released the book “Harnessing the Power of Grief”. In this podcast we talk about being a social worker, burnout in the field, starting a spousal bereavement program, the death of her parents, her book, and grief dreams of her parents. Click HERE to listen to the podcast. For more posts about Julie and her book, Harnessing the Power of Grief , click HERE .  

From the blog of MSI Press author, Julia Aziz: You might find this strange and a little gross, but the other day I spent some time watching a beetle roll a little balll of dung across the road. I became fascinated by his perseverance and how he naturally made use of what for most living beings on earth is just poop. I don’t know much about dung beetles, but it strikes me on a metaphoric level how we need this kind of resourcefulness in our current world. What creativity could transform what we must leave behind into something sustainable and life-giving? The most common refrain I’m hearing from folks these days is “I just wish I knew when this pandemic would end.” There is a lot of sadness with this question, as no one can offer anything but predictions or false promises. Maybe there is a higher authority on the subject though. Nature tells us: Everything changes. Change happens on its own time. To read the rest of this blog post, click HERE , For more posts by and about Julia and her

  The easiest and most complete way to share Julia's news is to reproduce the email I received from her, as is. If you follow the text (worth reading) down, you will see the link to the podcast at the end. Read this email online.  How are you supposed to help other people when you're struggling yourself?  I hear this question all the time in my work with helping professionals and moms. You're not immune to personal and collective stress, yet somehow you need to keep showing up with a clear mind and full heart for the people you serve. You may have days when you feel overwhelmed by the world, unsure about everything, and barely making it through, but you can't just phone it in. So when you have a big life stressor or three to deal with, what's a caring person to do?  Well, let's first look at the assumptions we're starting with in asking this question.  Many individuals in helping roles learned early on that their value depended on what they could do for othe

  In one Star Trek episode, the crew cannot enter REM sleep -- and as a result, violence emergences. That episode is based on scientific research. And it explains a lot about caregiver burnout  and anger . When a spouse or other family member suffers from cancer, needs for care do not occur only during waking hours. Often, it feels like 24/7, and a family member who serves as caregiver can find himself or herself unable to react calmly in the face of chaos and immense stress . Sleep provides a time to renew emotional balance. Sleep deprivation leads to deprivation of balance, calm, perspective--and ultimately, emotional control. Here are some details about the relationship between sleep deprivation and anger  from the National Institute of Health. Here are some details about the relationship between sleep and mood from Harvard University research. And here is some evidence of the relationship between anger, aggression, hostility, and sleep deprivation , also from NIH.  Click  HERE  

  Dr. Omer, togetherw with  Els Vandingenen (info@mamacoach.be) has written a two-post series that any parent can relate to -- and gives some help for those times when you feel like you are at the end of your rope. (There is more rope!). Here is an excerpt from the first of the two posts: T he mother tells of conflicting thoughts that don’t give her pause, such as: “Your children really need you!” “Your son will be traumatized if you are not there for him!” “Don’t be like your parents!” “If you start being like them, in the end you’ll be like your grandma!” “Why are other mothers able to fulfill their role smoothly and caringly?” “You are to blame for your child’s anxiety! You never gave him the basic trust that he needs to feel safe!” Or on a different vein altogether: “Why is being a mom so much like a straightjacket?” “Where has my whole life gone?” “How did I get here?” “How come I am completely effaced?” In our next post I’ll describe how the mother and her coach looked for a way