Daily Excerpt: I Love My Kids, But I Don't Always Like Them (F. Bagdade) - Preparing for Trips
excerpt from I Love My Kids, But I Don't Always Like Them by Franki Bagdade
Preparing for Trips
Whether it’s a family dinner, a night out to the movies or a trip out of town, behavior can become a problem if expectations are not discussed beforehand. When our family goes on a trip, I take time before we leave to explain to our children that there will be waiting, like in airports, while we’re driving, or because of big-city traffic, and some of it will be excessive and annoying. I describe what the food will be like, how our days will be structured, sleeping arrangements, etc. Some of these explanations occur during a family meeting and some are communicated during one-on-one time. That way, I can customize how I manage some of the expectations according to the individual quirks of each kid, and believe me, they have quirks! For my little ones, who were too young to remember their previous flight experiences, we went through every detail—what security would be like, where there would probably be long lines and when there would be lots of walking. We talked about car rides and how everyone was going to try to use the potty at every stop even if they didn’t have to. You can have fun with it, and even practice at home by setting up chairs to look like you are on an airplane or pretend to go through security.
About a week before any of these trips, we go over the basic day to-day schedule. As my kids have gotten older and I have learned more about their unique needs, this preparation hasn’t always been done with the whole family. For example, my more anxious middle child sometimes needed this information at least a week in advance. Conversely, when we planned a trip out of the country, which made her extra anxious (she didn’t like the idea of flying over the ocean) she asked not to talk about it until it was closer, and I obliged.
My youngest loves traveling the most and wants to talk about it incessantly, which can really trigger his sister’s anxiety to a high level, so we have taught him that we will talk about our upcoming travels only before bed when we can do it with just him on a one-to-one basis.
I’m also careful to let the kids know clearly what will not be happening. For example, a few years after an eye-opening experience with our family Disney World trip (shared in the next chapter), we went back to Orlando. We only had Legoland on our itinerary. I knew we’d drive past the iconic Walt Disney World signs, so I made sure the kids knew that there wasn’t a surprise trip in the cards. This was really important because a few years earlier we had surprised them with a day at Disneyland so that assumption on their part would make sense! See? I really put myself in their brains when I’m planning a trip! It’s much easier to let them be disappointed now, in the comfort of their own home, where they have the freedom to slam their own doors and tell us in private that we are the meanest parents ever!
Beyond explaining my behavioral expectations to all of my kids, I must consider their individual needs. My sensory-sensitive kiddo always has a literal and figurative toolbox with her. We call it her sensory backpack, complete with ear plugs, headphones, fidgets, and more. (Learn how to create your own in Chapter 3 or visit my YouTube channel, where Gabi explains her method!). With prompts and suggestions from me, she decides what goes in it for each outing.
My Olympic caliber, sleep-craving oldest child gets her own bed on these trips as much as possible, whenever we can swing it.
My little guy gets to go to sleep as close to his bedtime as we can manage.
This philosophy, which we put into action for big events and trips, also works well for other occasions, such as extended family events and one day outings.
Book Description
I Love My Kids, But I Don't Always Like Them is the ultimate survival guide for parents living through one of the strangest times in history. This " how to guide" will support you even if you are exhausted and burnt out in improving your child(ren)'s behavior. Written by an expert with 20 years of experience in behavioral observation in the classroom, in overnight camp, and more. Franki's storyteller cadence helps the book to read as if it's a casual conversation and pep talk between two parents over coffee. Franki is raw, authentic, and honest about her own "mom fails" and what she has learned in her own little lab school, as she raises her three children.
Franki is a parenting expert in her own right with a Masters in Special Education and most of a Masters in Clinical Social Work (pandemic purchase!) at the time she wrote this book. However, you will hear no judgement in this author's advice as she lays out methods to help parents with all types of struggles from anxiety, ADHD and sensory difficulties, to raising siblings with competing needs, to learning when to let go and when to reach out to a professional.
Keywords: parenting book, parenting tips, child behavior help, ADHD parenting, parenting struggles, parenting burnout, child discipline strategies, sibling rivalry solutions, positive parenting, raising kids with ADHD, managing child anxiety, sensory difficulties in children, behavior management for parents, special needs parenting, gentle parenting strategies, parenting expert advice, raising independent kids
Franki's book was selected as IAN Book of the Year
For more posts about Franki and her book, click HERE.
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