MSI Press Blog

  The following post comes from Jula Aziz, author of Lessons of Labor -- On getting triggered: Anger, guilt, blame, and the feelings we don’t want to feel OCTOBER 24, 2023  /  JULIA AZIZ I’m curious, who showed you how to feel and process anger in a healthy way? (Just kidding, that’s not a fair question!) Depending on our background, we may have learned to numb or suppress negative emotions, beat ourselves up, or lash out, but it’s pretty rare for an adult reading this today to have grown up in an environment that modeled well how to work with feelings like anger, guilt, shame, or fear. It’s something we as a species are still learning. We continue to trigger negative emotions in each other all the time though–that’s just being human and living in society with other humans. Part of growing into adulthood is learning how to respect what we feel while also respecting other people’s experience, and while that may sound extremely basic, it’s often extremely missing. You may have heard the

  In one Star Trek episode, the crew cannot enter REM sleep -- and as a result, violence emergences. That episode is based on scientific research. And it explains a lot about caregiver burnout  and anger . When a spouse or other family member suffers from cancer, needs for care do not occur only during waking hours. Often, it feels like 24/7, and a family member who serves as caregiver can find himself or herself unable to react calmly in the face of chaos and immense stress . Sleep provides a time to renew emotional balance. Sleep deprivation leads to deprivation of balance, calm, perspective--and ultimately, emotional control. Here are some details about the relationship between sleep deprivation and anger  from the National Institute of Health. Here are some details about the relationship between sleep and mood from Harvard University research. And here is some evidence of the relationship between anger, aggression, hostility, and sleep deprivation , also from NIH.  Click  HERE  

  Times were tense. I was caregiving for my husband, dying from cancer and on chemotherapy that required multiple trips a week to a distant hospital, my spina bifida daughter in a city a half-hour away who had lost her caregiver during the days of covid, and a CHARGE Syndrome adult son living at home -- and trying to run a business at the same time. The son tried to help out as best he could with his own care, but he did not always have the skills to do so. To wit, the scene above that ensued when he tried to help out by making his own breakfast -- one that at least brought a moment of levity into a too-tense life. Speaking from personal experience, the spouse (in this case wife, but it really does not much which spouse is pressed into the role) who ends up as the caregiver for a cancer patient is in a no-win situation, emotionally and physically. The role of spouse is to support the spouse and to navigate through life together, IMHO. That complicates the matter of caregiving. The two

  ANGER needs to be verbalized and needs an outlet. Show me a caregiver who says he or she never gets angry, and I’ll show you a liar or a saint.  Once, a patient who was 75 years old came into my office. She had been caring for her 97-year-old mother for ten years. I told her I was a caregiver, too, and remarked that I thought caring for someone else when you were 75 must be most difficult. With a sheepish look on her face she said, “You know, I’m ashamed to tell you this, but sometimes I get very angry." I responded, “Of course you do; that’s only natural. I get angry, too.”  She looked astonished. “You do?” she said, “I thought I was the only one.” I couldn’t believe my ears. I assured her that most caregivers experience this strong emotion more often than they would like to admit. She was very happy and relieved to hear that.  There is no way you can keep from feeling angry about seeing your loved one suffering and about having acquired such tremendous responsibi

  In her classic tome on death and dying, On Grief & Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss , Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identifies five stages that those faced with shocking news associated with loss or potential loss go through: Denial (avoidance, confusion, elation, shock, fear) Anger (frustration, irritation, anxiety) Bargaining (struggling to find meaning, reaching out to others, telling one's story) Depression (overwhelmed, helplessness, hostility, fight) Acceptance (exploring options, new plan in place, moving on) Th subsequent works by Kubler-Ross, including those with colleagues, as well as works by others building on her research have pretty much confirmed these stages. How long it takes to go through any one of them depends upon the individual. Future Cancer Diary posts will dive deeper and personally into these stages. Grief is a complex and highly individual topic and intrinsically intertwined with cancer. MSI has published some helpful w

Something invisible has stopped the world in its tracks, humbling us, making us aware of our vulnerability. It is the Coronavirus. Despite our technological prowess, we are not the masters of the universe we imagined. Mother Nature still rules. As the world-wide epidemic sweeps across America, President Trump has declared war on this invisible enemy. He has mobilized the forces of scientists, healthcare workers, and business leaders to combat the virus. As a psychologist, I am among the ranks of the battle-ready. The front-line workers confront the enemy face-to-face in the patients they treat. They are the hospital service people, aides, technicians, nurses, doctors, and first responders. I admire their courage and salute them. They risk their lives daily, inadequately armed, and many have fallen in the fight. I am a back-line worker as a psychologist, fighting another invisible enemy, fear. Pandemic panic can be as contagious and pernicious as COVID-19. Living in Michigan, o

Anger, a Powerful Energy  Anger is a natural energy, like fire. Our earliest ancestors witnessed the power of fire in lightning storms and raging forest fires. They also enjoyed the light and warmth it provided in their cold, dark world. It was like a god to them. They feared and worshiped it. They observed fire closely and came to appreciate its many forms and varying intensity, from a tiny flame to a roaring firestorm. They longed to find a way to harness and use its power for their benefit. Then, one day, some unknown caveman learned fire’s secret and how to start, stop, control, and use it. Life changed dramatically. We spend a lifetime learning to manage the fire of anger that burns in each of us. Its power fascinates, seduces, and frightens us. We both love and hate it. Anger takes on different meanings for each of us. Some of us like our angry emotions because they make us feel hot and alive. They mean we possess power and control. Others hate them because  they makes us