MSI Press Blog

  Caregiving is an art of noticing — the tiny shifts, the quiet signals, the rhythms beneath the surface. I thought I learned that from years of experience. But my cat refined it in ways no training manual ever could. Here’s what he taught me: Small cues matter. A whisker twitch, a change in breathing, a different kind of “mwout” — cats communicate in micro‑signals. Learning to read them sharpened my ability to read people too. Routines are lifelines. Cats anchor themselves in predictable rituals: morning greetings, meal times, evening check‑ins. Caregiving thrives on the same structure. Routine becomes reassurance. Patience is a form of presence. A cat doesn’t rush healing. They rest when they need to rest. They ask for comfort when they’re ready. I learned to match that pace instead of pushing my own. Comfort is simple. A warm lap. A soft blanket. A quiet room. Cats remind us that comfort doesn’t require grand gestures — just consistency and gentleness. Respect autonom...

  An Open Letter to Cancer Patients: Partnering with Your Caregiver Dear Cancer Patient, Your cancer journey is one of the most challenging paths you'll ever walk. As you navigate this difficult terrain, your caregiver walks beside you, sharing your burden and helping to light the way. Today, I want to talk about how you can work together with your caregiver to create the best possible care environment for both of you. First and foremost, please remember that your caregiver, while dedicated to your wellbeing, is also human. They experience fatigue, stress, and emotional exhaustion. Your kindness and appreciation mean the world to them. A simple "thank you" or acknowledgment of their efforts can replenish their emotional reserves and help prevent burnout. This is especially crucial if your caregiver is your spouse, who needs adequate sleep and rest to maintain their own health and continue providing you with quality care. Communication is the foundation of any caregiving r...

 So often there is complete shock after getting a cancer diagnosis, especially one in late stage 4. There is simply not enough time to learn everything you need to know while simultaneously coping with managing the medical, daily requirements just to stay alive. You need help! To learn about the disease, funding the fight, emotional matters, physical support, and so much more. It is out there -- by the time I found it, Carl had died (his fight was brief), but others do not have to struggle with finding support. Not only are there support groups, but there are whole support organizations with all kinds of information and resources. Cancer Support Community (logo above) and others are listed at Carl's Cancer Compendium (see link below). Here, as well, is some help caregivers:  Caregivers Guide to Cancer For other Cancer Diary posts, click  HERE . Blog editor's note: As a memorial to Carl, and simply because it is truly needed, MSI Press is now hosting a web page,  Carl...

  I have raised two children who were not supposed to live because of the type of birth defects they have. Today, both are in their 40s. I know how to care for someone whom I honestly believe will -- and who does have a hope to -- get better. There was always the struggle of making sure they got the meds they needed, that they did the kinds of activities they needed to do, that their father, Carl, and I researched everything that was going on in medical research about their defects and brought it up to their doctors, and that we interacted actively with all specialists working with them, asking for clarification for us at time and for them at times, ensuring that they knew as much or more than we did. It was purposeful care that had an expected point of diminishing need, with the reins turned over to the children as time passed. Time, then, was a positive. It allowed us to build a brighter future than an initial diagnosis proposed. Things got better over time. The kids gained skill...

  Times were tense. I was caregiving for my husband, dying from cancer and on chemotherapy that required multiple trips a week to a distant hospital, my spina bifida daughter in a city a half-hour away who had lost her caregiver during the days of covid, and a CHARGE Syndrome adult son living at home -- and trying to run a business at the same time. The son tried to help out as best he could with his own care, but he did not always have the skills to do so. To wit, the scene above that ensued when he tried to help out by making his own breakfast -- one that at least brought a moment of levity into a too-tense life. Speaking from personal experience, the spouse (in this case wife, but it really does not much which spouse is pressed into the role) who ends up as the caregiver for a cancer patient is in a no-win situation, emotionally and physically. The role of spouse is to support the spouse and to navigate through life together, IMHO. That complicates the matter of caregiving. The ...

  ANGER needs to be verbalized and needs an outlet. Show me a caregiver who says he or she never gets angry, and I’ll show you a liar or a saint.  Once, a patient who was 75 years old came into my office. She had been caring for her 97-year-old mother for ten years. I told her I was a caregiver, too, and remarked that I thought caring for someone else when you were 75 must be most difficult. With a sheepish look on her face she said, “You know, I’m ashamed to tell you this, but sometimes I get very angry." I responded, “Of course you do; that’s only natural. I get angry, too.”  She looked astonished. “You do?” she said, “I thought I was the only one.” I couldn’t believe my ears. I assured her that most caregivers experience this strong emotion more often than they would like to admit. She was very happy and relieved to hear that.  There is no way you can keep from feeling angry about seeing your loved one suffering and about having acquired such tremend...

  Giving care to cancer patients or to anyone with a chronic, life-threatening, terminal illness is highly stressful. This includes hospice situations as well since hospice nurses and aides are only there for a few hours (if that) a week. Meanwhile, the loved one receiving the care may be experiencing deteriorations that are hard to understand (either as patient or caregiver).  While the medical professional generally does a good job, focusing on the needs of the patient, few in the profession give much thought to the caregiver (although some church programs [support groups] exist that do help).  As the patient deteriorates, the stress on the caregiver generally increases -- from a pending sense of doom, from escalating demands on time and knowledge (often inferior to the need), and decreasing lack of time for self-renewal. If you are a caregiver, find some help. Live-in assistance with care provides the most relief, but respite care can help as well. Don't wait until it ...