Guest Post from the Posts of Julia Aziz: When You're Attending to Others but Losing Track of Yourself

 

Have you ever made sure your clients, children, partner, friends, family, or coworkers were OK before noticing you were drained and exhausted yourself? Or maybe you noticed, but you told yourself, "Later. I'll deal with you later." Other people's needs may seem more pressing, and perhaps they legitimately are. You care, and that's a beautiful thing. It's not the caring that's the problem; it's the carrying everybody else's emotions around that is unsustainable.
 

If you work in a helping profession, or you have children or elderly dependents, or you're the go-to friend for everyone around you, being helpful is probably such a part of who you are that you can't imagine life without being needed.

Thank goodness there are people out there in the world who will give the way you do, who put their own problems to the side for a while to attend to others. However, without healthy boundaries and deeply respectful self-love, caretaking can get pretty heavy. It's like you're lugging around not only your own concerns but also those of everyone else in your life.

This style of caretaking may work alright for months or even years, but it tends to catch up with people. Resentment, burnout, loss of compassion, overwhelm, physical ailments, loss of community, a sense of not knowing who you are outside of other people's impressions... these are common experiences for helpers. So what we do? It's not always an option to stop the work of caregiving. A helping profession may be your livelihood; your children or parents may truly need your care. It's not that easy to take off when people depend on you, let alone the fulfillment you might find in service.  

If setting boundaries feels uncomfortable, if you suppress emotions in your body or pretend you're OK without checking in, if you tend towards being hard on yourself--it's a good sign you're in need of what it is you give so well to others. 

The help we are good at giving, we need too. We have to make space to receive our own heart's medicine--no one else is going to set aside that time and space for us. This means valuing yourself as a person worthy of care, the same as you value those who depend on you. If this sounds good, but hard, you're not alone. That's why the consistent practice of boundaries, emotional release, slowing down, and self-compassion are so important. And if there's anything we know about practicing, it's that most of us do better with the accountability of other people practicing alongside us.

The Release & Empower Circle is a sacred space for women who help others to honor their own process.

We write, we move, we take up space and make some noise, we share, we sing, we pray. We do these things privately, but with each other, connecting with the heart's guidance that can only be found inside. We're gearing up for the fall season, and if you haven't heard the details yet, check them out. We are more than a third full already, so it's recommended that you save your space early. 

What happens when the helpers come together to help themselves? 

All I can say is that it's something of great beauty and spirit. It's an honor to witness and to be a part of. I hope you'll check it out.