MSI Press Blog

  One of the existential questions that we faced when Carl was diagnosed with terminal cancer in four organs, although it was not evident as a question until after Carl died, was whether we should focus on living (enjoying the life that was left) or staying alive (fighting death). For one reason another, in part waves of crises, we kept being pushed to focus on staying alive. We planned to do something special, even if small, every Monday--an attempt at living, and, darn it, every single Monday for those last five months of Carl's life, he ended up in the ER not because of doing something special but before we could do something special. Five months passed, and as I look back it, we were focused exclusively on staying alive. I wish we could have focused on living.  I was very taken with one young wife, who called herself Widow in Waiting on X, who somehow did manage to focus on living. Her husband was in the hospital more often than not. her posts on X were focused on living.  We

  Since today is my birthday, this guest post seemed very apropos! DYING AND LIVING “Yet if we love one another, God dwells in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us.” --I John 4: 12     I watched Dad die. I was only seventeen at the time, too young to understand much of what was going on. My father had been diagnosed with throat cancer two years before, a disease common to heavy smokers and drinkers. He underwent brutal cobalt treatments and lost his voice. He was in constant pain, unrelieved by the medications. For the last three months of his life he was bedridden at home. Mom, my brothers, and I took turns sitting by his bedside, mostly in silence. He could not speak, and I did not know what to say. It was decided not to tell Dad he was dying, so he could keep up his hope. But he knew. The priest later told us how Dad spoke with him about his dying and not to tell us. So no one said anything about the elephant in the room. In the silence during my death wat