Cancer Diary: Trying to Live or Trying to Stay Alive?
One of the existential questions that we faced when Carl was diagnosed with terminal cancer in four organs, although it was not evident as a question until after Carl died, was whether we should focus on living (enjoying the life that was left) or staying alive (fighting death). For one reason another, in part waves of crises, we kept being pushed to focus on staying alive. We planned to do something special, even if small, every Monday--an attempt at living, and, darn it, every single Monday for those last five months of Carl's life, he ended up in the ER not because of doing something special but before we could do something special. Five months passed, and as I look back it, we were focused exclusively on staying alive. I wish we could have focused on living.
I was very taken with one young wife, who called herself Widow in Waiting on X, who somehow did manage to focus on living. Her husband was in the hospital more often than not. her posts on X were focused on living.
We were at opposite ends of the spectrum, age-wise and event-wise. But we shared pending widowhood. Expected, not unexpected.
Since that time, I have come across two related, very revealing and thoughtful blog posts. I am sharing them here:
(1) Is Dying Different For Older People? – BK Books
(2) I am dying of stage 4 pancreatic cancer. What will the final 2 months be like? - Quora
For other Cancer Diary posts, click HERE.
Blog editor's note: As a memorial to Carl, and simply because it is truly needed, MSI Press is now hosting a web page, Carl's Cancer Compendium, as a one-stop starting point for all things cancer, to make it easier for those with cancer to find answers to questions that can otherwise take hours to track down on the Internet and/or from professionals. The CCC is expanded and updated weekly. As part of this effort, each week, on Monday, this blog will carry an informative, cancer-related story -- and be open to guest posts: Cancer Diary.
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Julia Aziz, signing her book, Lessons of Labor, at an event at Book People in Austin, Texas.
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