Excerpt from Tips, Tools and Anecdotes to Help with a Pandemic (Charnas): Overcoming Challenges, Tips 1-3
OVERCOMING CHALLENGES
1. DO WHAT
WORKS: VILE COUGH DROPS
As I
recovered from a splenectomy, I caught the horrible cold that was going around
my work place. It started with a hacking cough in my chest. The day the cough
started, I went to the Nex (Navy exchange, similar to a 7-Eleven) in the
basement of my building and bought cough drops. They were vile but wonderfully
effective. I hated them but needed them to be even marginally functional and to
get to sleep.
I ran into
my neighbor a couple of days after the coughing started and mentioned the
horrible cough drops. He said he’d had the same illness and recommended a
better- tasting brand. He fished one out of his pocket and gave it to me. His
brand tasted much better, but I didn’t have the time or energy to go to the
drug store right then, so I continued to ingest the horrid ones for a while
longer.
I often
advise my mental health patients do what works to improve their health even if
they don’t like the options, such as taking psychiatric medications. Cough
drops are a minor issue compared to an antipsychotic. I always want to practice
what I preach, so I used the bitter cough drops until I could replace them. I
did what worked until I was able to do something better.
2. WHERE
ARE OUR PARENTS?
When my
father died suddenly after a four-day illness, my brother Charles expressed my
feelings best when he observed, “We used to have parents. Where’d they go?” I
felt exactly the same way. We had parents, and with Dad’s death, suddenly we
didn’t. It was a strange, uncomfortable feeling.
Many
people who supported me after Dad died confirmed that the world never feels the
same after your parents die. I’ve had other sudden deaths in my life. My mother
died of pneumonia when she was forty-nine, and my ex-husband, with no
forewarning, killed himself in 2013. The latter left me traumatized, but I
didn't miss him the way I miss Dad. I’ve never missed anyone so intensely, and
frankly, I want him back. I know this won’t happen, but it’s a primal desire I
can’t control.
Every
phase of life has its unexpected challenges and joys. My fifties have been
wonderful in numerous ways I never could have anticipated. Despite my longings
to have Dad back, I know I’ll get used to his absence. I just need to give
myself time.
3.
COMPROMISE
I’m a
minimalist. Sometimes people come into my home and ask, Where’s all your stuff?
I don’t like to keep things that don’t have personal value or that aren’t used
regularly. For a while, I owned two large, deep frying pans. I don’t cook
often, so I gave one of the pans to a thrift store.
I found
myself avoiding using the remaining pan because it was so unwieldy, and
cleaning it was challenging. At times I avoided something as simple as
scrambling eggs because I didn’t want to clean the huge pan. My solution was to
go to a discount store and buy a small pan for the eggs. Sometimes I think, to
use an old phrase, that I have rocks in my head. I’d let my desire to pare down
possessions complicate my life in a way that was unnecessary. Finding a
compromise between my desire for fewer possessions and my need for accessible
cooking tools was simple once I thought about it.
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