Daily Excerpts: Excerpt from 10 Quick Homework Tip - Homework Agreements

 

Today's excerpt comes from 10 Quick Homework Tips by authors Cindy McKinley Alder and Patti Trombly:

TIP # 2

TYPE UP AN OFFICIAL HOMEWORK AGREEMENT   

Like anything worth doing in life, happiness takes time and patience and consistency. ~Mark Manson

 

Why is this Important? 

That idea of heading off stress by being proactive about homework is perhaps best used in the creation of a Homework Agreement.  Quite simply, this is an agreement your family makes that states when, where, and how homework is expected to be done. Having a plan before school starts in the fall allows you to avoid that “you against them” feeling that so often is attached to homework.  If the year has already begun, though, there is still no time like the present to make a great change for the better!

What You Can Do:

Have you ever realized that it is easier to get out of something if you can "blame something else"?  “Sorry we can’t come to your son’s piano recital; we have a family reunion that day.”  Sometimes these other things are real, sometimes, well... maybe not.  But, usually, “blaming something else” makes it easier to do the things you really want to do and avoid the things you don’t.

Since many parents are constantly frustrated with homework battles, we can extend that idea of "blaming something else" into the homework realm by being proactive: Sit down with your child and come up with a Homework Agreement.  

A good Homework Agreement might contain these things:

• Time: When will homework be completed?
• Place: Where will homework be completed?
• Length: For how long should your child work on homework?  
• Solutions:  What should your child do if she gets stuck?

Because you are the parent, of course you could simply create this yourself, based on what you want. But it usually works better if your child is involved in its creation, too.  To make one, try these steps:

1.     First, find a relaxed time when all involved can sit down and talk calmly about homework.  Take turns talking about what is already working well for your family, and also what needs some improvement.  Jot these things down.

2.     Second, choose a time.  Taking into consideration what you all want, try to find a compromise that works for everyone.  Maybe you want homework done immediately after school, but your child wants to come home, unwind, play, and push it to the very end of the evening.  Perhaps you can compromise.  For example, maybe after school she gets one hour to have a snack and then do whatever she wants... and then it is Homework Time.  A well-rested (and fed!) kid is much more likely to get to work than an exhausted, hungry one.  Jot down this agreed-upon time.

3.     Third, discuss where homework should be done.  Your child might prefer her room, whereas you might prefer the kitchen table so you can be sure she stays focused.  Again, is there a compromise in there?  Maybe she can start out at the table so you can casually monitor to make sure she understands, and then she can go somewhere more comfy to finish up.  Maybe there is a quiet space elsewhere, a place where she can feel autonomous but you are nearby.  (See Tip # 3 for more details.)  Record this, too.

4.     Discuss, as well, what she should do if she doesn't understand something on the assignment.  (See Tip #4 for more on this.)  Record your ideas.

5.     Now, decide how long she will be expected to work on homework each day.  Most teachers try to balance it out so kids are not overwhelmed, but we all know that isn’t always the case.  What does your family think is an appropriate amount of time per day?  Perhaps ask for the teacher’s input as well.  Many have a one-hour rule: if it is not done in an hour, they can stop.  Maybe you agree, maybe not.  Maybe it depends on the subject.  But coming up with a general idea ahead of time, heads off a lot of frustration.  Write down your agreed-upon length.

6.     Use all of the ideas you came up with to type this Agreement up and hang it somewhere for all to see.  (Try the fridge!)  Now you have an official Homework Agreement.  And now… you are off the hook.  The next time your child tries to get out of doing homework, you simply point to the Agreement and say, "The Agreement says you do it now" and walk away. No more pleading.  No more begging.  The decision has been made.  You get to "blame" the Agreement!

That is why this Homework Agreement is going to be a good thing for your child and your family. Once the Homework Agreement is implemented, there will be no more fights about where, when, and how she will do her homework!  The pressure is off of you!  You never have to be “the bad guy” again!  From now on, you just say, “The Homework Agreement says to!”

But the really good thing is that the pressure is off of your child, too.  If she knows there are rules, if she knows they must be followed, and she knows that begging and excuses won’t matter, then why try?  In no time, she will get used to the new rules and feel calmer knowing exactly what is expected of her.  

A Homework Agreement is consistent. It creates good habits.  And that takes a lot of stress off of kids.  It helps the whole family see that homework doesn’t have to be overwhelming.

·        If you have more than one child, you may need a unique Homework Agreement for each.  Since every kid is different, what is best for one may be different than what works best for another.   

         Fun Option: Consider using a buzzer (or an alarm on her phone) as a reminder of when homework time starts.  Again, this can take the pressure off of you.  YOU are not the one telling her to start her homework, the buzzer is.  You get to “blame” the buzzer!

 

* Modification for School-from-Home Learning: 

If your child is learning from home full time, then ALL of their work is literally homework.  Having a policy in place is probably more important now than ever.  You might consider adding a daily and/or weekly schedule to the Agreement.  How much of each subject will be worked on each day?  When?  For how long?  A schedule will help your child (and you) not feel so overwhelmed.  She will have a place to look, to see exactly what to do when.  Perhaps this will change week to week, but both of you will probably feel less stress when it is all worked out ahead of time.

Tip # 2 Take-Away:

When so many homework battles stem from kids trying to postpone homework, or get out of it all together, (and parents are left feeling guilty or mean), there has to be a better way.  Creating a proactive Homework Agreement takes the pressure off of the whole family.  

For more information about this book, click HERE.

For more posts about 10 Quick Homework Tips and its authors, click HERE.

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