Daily Excerpt: How My Cat Made Me a Better Man (Feig): Make the Most of What You've Got
Excerpt from How My Cat Made Me a Better Man
Make
the Most of What You've Got
Cats strut around like they own the
place. Even the homeliest kittens are born with the unalterable knowledge that
they are da bomb. It doesn't matter if they have a goofy overbite, are
missing an ear, or have a skinny tail that looks like an extension cord.
Whatever they look like, they own it.
Ideally, it should be the same for you.
Most guys aren't blessed with the eyes of Ryan Gosling or the body of Channing
Tatum. You've got to work with what you've got. So, look at your face, your
body, and your hair and figure out how to make it work.
Overweight? You'll probably want to
avoid wearing spandex. Going bald? Cut your hair uber-close to the scalp.
Missing one of your front teeth? Get a diamond-studded grill, or learn to smile
with your mouth closed. Whatever your situation is, you have options to tailor
your appearance based on what you've got to work with. You can create your own
style.
That's an advantage over those cocky,
strutting cats. They have to live with whatever fur pattern they were born with,
and they're judged based on their appearance just like people are. You might
guess a scraggly-haired cat was raised in a gutter, or that a cat with a black
ring around her eye was a fighter even if the only time she showed her teeth
was when she yawned.
Cats have a wide variety of looks.
Interestingly, many correspond with guys' personal style choices. Check out
what I mean:
Cat
Types = Guy Styles
|
Cat Type: |
Guy Style: |
|
Tuxedo cat |
Preppy |
|
Calico |
Grunge |
|
All black |
Goth |
|
Random spot on face |
Hipster |
|
Siamese |
Neat |
|
Long-haired |
Lumberjack |
|
Neatly striped |
Trendy |
|
Random flecks of color |
Messy |
|
Hairless |
Hairless |
Cats are stuck with the same patterns
and colors for life, but guys wear clothes, which can shape how we present
ourselves. Clothes are more than something you put on not to be naked. They say,
"Hey, look at me; I've got it going on" or "Quick, turn away; I
have no idea what I'm doing."
You shouldn't try to dress in a way
that feels wrong for you. Not every cat can pull off a long-haired brown shag
with a white underbelly just like not every guy can pull off (or would want to
pull off) tight Euro-jeans with a lime green turtleneck. Be realistic, and pick
the style that feels most comfortable to you. Maybe it's preppy. Maybe it's
nerd chic. Maybe it's regular guy who just threw something together, but it
still looks good.
It's important to remember that as you
change as a person, your wardrobe might change, too. That's okay. You're
allowed to outgrow things. The style of your ten-years-ago self could be
totally different than today's version.
Say you had an awesome band t-shirt
since high school. It's been one of your favorites for years, and you still
wear it all the time. Should you? Has it faded so much that you can't quite
read the name of the band anymore? Are there holes in it? Is it tighter around
your gut than when you first bought it? If the answer is yes to any of these
questions, it may be time to move on. Now, I'm not suggesting you give the
shirt to Goodwill or some needy groupie. Just demote it out of your regular
rotation, and make it a sleep shirt. That way, you can still enjoy the comfort
it provides—just not out in public, where it might not play so well.
Now let's talk hair—or, in Shelly's
case, fur. Hers was short and black and consistently looked good. That was
because she made an effort. She'd always be brushing it with her footpads and
licking it for a silky finish. A visiting guest would assume her coat was
naturally glossy like that, but Shelly and I knew the truth.
That's how it should be with your hair.
You want it to look sharp but as if you didn't do anything to make it that way.
A few guys are lucky enough to have zero-maintenance hair, but most wake up
each morning looking like there's a dead ferret on their head. It's up to you
to keep that ferret under control.
Spend a little time with your hair.
Brush it, wet it, or rub it with a towel to create artful messiness. If you're
into using product, don't overdo it because there's a fine line between being perfectly
coiffed and looking like Vanilla Ice. If you're bald, it's a lot simpler because
there's less to adjust. No matter what kind of hair you have (or don't have), though,
never underestimate the power of a good hat. Just steer clear of those trucker
hats. Even Ashton Kutcher couldn't pull those off.
Since we're already talking about hair,
let's throw facial hair into the mix. Do it right, and it can improve your
overall look. Do it wrong, and you'll turn heads for all the wrong reasons.
With such a wide selection of beards,
mustaches, and other facial hair styles to choose from, it's easy to miss the
mark. While a handful of guys can successfully rock a mustache (think
cop-types), others will look like low-rent porn stars. While goatees work for
some, they can also make you look like you live in your parents' basement, and
if you're even considering wearing muttonchops, you'd better find yourself a
time machine first.
It all goes back to how others perceive
you. While you should be true to yourself, you don't want to provide ammo for
people to make snap judgments. I've seen long-haired cats whose fur has been
shaved in some silly way, like a poodle or a lion's mane. Whenever I see cats
like this, I make an immediate judgment—that their owners are idiots. They're
making their cat look ridiculous for their own amusement.
Don't make yourself look silly just
because you have an electric razor. Find a style that flatters you. Maybe it's
sharply-edged sideburns, a groovy soul patch, or no facial hair at all. Go with
whatever makes you look good.
When it comes to your appearance,
remember the lesson of the homely cat. No matter what limitations you might
have, no matter what you look like, you should own it. And don't forget to strut!
Winner of 2020 Kops-Fetherling International Books Award for Legacy Hunor
Finalist for Book of the Year Award, 2014
Highly recommended by MidWest Book Review
Read more posts about Jeremy and his book HERE.
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