Guest Post from Dennis Ortman: Pain Patience
From Dennis Ortman
PAIN PATIENCE
“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces character,
and character produces hope, and hope will not leave us disappointed.”
Romans 5: 3-4
What is more natural than to seek pleasure and avoid pain?
We Americans entertain high ideals. We aspire to greatness, to being the best, number one. These aspirations, however, may at times shade into excess. Our remarkable advances in technology promise to fulfill our dreams. So we seek lives of the most pleasure with the least pain. The pharmaceutical industry invests billions of dollars to help us attain this goal. Their medications promise wellbeing and the possibility of killing all pain.
This mentality and the easy availability of drugs spawned the opioid epidemic. We sought a better life, a pain-free life, through chemistry. Soon, the dream of wellbeing turned into a nightmare. The more pills we consumed to escape the pain, the more we needed to take, until we reached a limit. The painkillers began to kill us. The United States, which has five percent of the world’s population, consumes 80% of the opiates produced. No other country is experiencing addiction on such a large scale. Each year now, over a hundred thousand Americans die from overdoses. Our rabid desire to escape pain has resulted in us dying. Ironically, we find relief in eternal rest, prematurely.
Much of our focus is on ending the opioid epidemic, our addiction to painkillers. However, I believe we suffer from another hidden addiction--our distorted attitude toward the natural pain of life. We fear physical discomfort so much that we move in two extremes. Either we avoid it at all costs, seek total relief through medication, and risk addiction and death. Or we wallow in our pain and identify with it. We see ourselves as wounded warriors, fighting against the enemy of suffering, or as helpless victims, powerless to overcome it.
How has the natural experience of physical pain become a drug for us? How can we manage more effectively the unavoidable suffering of life? How can living with distress make us better, rather than bitter?
PAIN ADDICTION
Our bodies are built to break down, sometimes gradually, and at other times in spasmodic episodes. As our bodies deteriorate, we naturally experience distressing physical sensations. All of us experience various levels of anguish at different times in our lives. Pain is unavoidable. However, some of us suffer chronic pain (lasting more than three months), which may ebb and flow, but does not totally disappear. Some medical conditions cause this chronic distress: arthritis, low back pain, injuries and surgeries, cancer, and so forth. At times, the cause cannot be found. For example, 84% of people experience back pain at some time in their lives, while for 23% it is chronic. However, millions have back pain with no identifiable physical abnormalities. Nevertheless, the pain is real, not just in their minds.
Addiction can be described as an extreme lack of balance in our attitudes toward some experience. We may become addicted to the effects of a chemical, or the stimulation of some activity, like gambling, or even of a mood, like anger or anxiety. We can also entertain unbalanced attitudes toward the natural experience of physical pain. As AA points out, it is our “stinking thinking” that makes us addicted, not the substance, experience, or activity.
When does our attitude toward the sensation of pain become addictive? The following are some characteristic reactions when we are addicted:
Exaggerated Emotions
We react with strong emotions to any physical discomfort. We are terrified of the pain getting worse, overwhelming us, and controlling our lives. Even a little discomfort contains the seeds of horrible distress. Perhaps the shadow of serious illness or even death lingers in our minds. To cope we may seek immediate and total relief with drugs. But fearful of being addicted to painkillers, we may wallow in our misery, complaining loudly to others, seeking their sympathy.
Preoccupation
We cannot stop thinking about the pain and what it might mean. Our catastrophizing thinking takes over. We imagine that something is seriously wrong with us, that perhaps we are dying. Our minds keep going in circles, imagining the worst. Even when the pain leaves, we worry about its return like a thief in the night, robbing us of health. The obsessing takes our moods into a downward spiral. We become ever more anxious and depressed. The single-minded preoccupation with our pain may paralyze us, making us withdraw from life.
Denial of Harm
In reality, almost all physical pain is distressful, but not dangerous. However, with our pain-addicted mind, we imagine that our aches and pains, even the slightest, are dangerous. They signal some impending catastrophe. We may consult many medical specialists for relief. But if that relief is not total, we imprison ourselves within the mental walls of worry. In our denial, we fail to recognize that the real harm of most pain is not the physical discomfort, but our exaggerated reactions to it. Focused on our pain, we do not live a full life. We withdraw from responsibilities. We rob ourselves of peace. That is the real harm.
Loss of Control
The primary symptom of any addiction is loss of control. Addicted to pain, we do not believe we can get any adequate relief from it. We may try medications, but there is no guaranteed cure-all. Our anxious minds demand an entirely pain-free life. Furthermore, we do not believe we can control our emotional distress and obsessing about it. We feel trapped on a misery-go-round without an exit. Ironically, our desire for lasting physical comfort, an impossible ideal, increases our disappointment, distress, and sense of helplessness.
Will to Power
Feeling so powerless, we look for ways of compensating. Where can we find a sense of control over our lives? We may look for a magical cure through medications. However, with our perfectionist mindset, we are ripe to become addicted. We keep seeking more and more drugs until we reach some imagined state of nirvana. Or we may go to doctors frequently for reassurance. Or we may severely restrict our lives whenever the ugly head of pain shows itself. Our attempts to control the uncontrollable are doomed to fail, making us feel even more powerless.
Self-Medication
Without realizing it, our preoccupation with our aches and pains can be a way of avoiding a more distressful reality. We distract ourselves from our emotional woundedness, our long-buried sadness and outrage, by focusing on our physical discomforts. For example, those who cut themselves tell me they prefer the self-caused physical pain to their overwhelming emotional distress. Furthermore, being obsessed with our physical afflictions may protect us from our fears of living life fully. We withdraw to take care of ourselves, with a perfect excuse, and ignore our responsibilities to care for others.
Beyond Cure
Because we age and our bodies break down, physical pain is unavoidable. We may also be unfortunate enough to suffer from chronic painful medical conditions. Everything within us rebels against the imposed suffering and the inevitable limitations to our physical activities. We refuse to accept these limits. Consequently, we repeatedly experience a sense of failure and inadequacy in desiring to control the uncontrollable. AA tells us that the heart of any addiction is “self-will run riot.” We resist surrendering to the reality that there is no cure for our inevitable physical breakdowns.
How can we escape our addictive thinking about our pain?
TRANSFORMING PAIN
Pain management experts tell us there is a 50-50 law for recovery. Fifty percent of recovery from pain may come from the field of medicine, such as medication and surgery. The other half comes from what we do for ourselves, such as diet, exercise, and attitude adjustments. We cannot ignore our pain. The hurt and potential harm it signals are real and needs to be addressed. These experts say, “The problems aren’t all in your head, but the answers may be.” The secret of pain management, they teach, is attention management. Attention is like food. What sort of thinking do we want to feed?
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous provide guidance for recovery from any addiction, from alcoholism to eating disorders. These wisdom-based steps can also point a way to heal and grow through our experience of pain. I summarize its recommendations in four steps, which summarize the twelve:
1. Admit the Problem (Step 1):
The first step of AA can be applied to pain management: “We admitted we were powerless over our pain--that our lives had become unmanageable.” What exactly are the limits of our control? Much of the physical distress we suffer is clearly beyond our control, such as medical conditions, the bumps and bruises of life, and aging. However, we can make wise lifestyle choices that affect our physical health. We do not ignore warning signs and seek the appropriate medical treatment. We also can gain mastery over our attitudes toward what life throws at us.
Recovery begins when we admit we have a problem with how we think about our pain. We realize that we are letting our preoccupation with our discomforts devour us. Anxiety, depression, and self-pity follow. We lose ourselves in giving our full attention to our pain and how to escape it. Pain becomes our identity. That leaves little energy to live a full and meaningful life. Mentally and emotionally consumed by our painful physical condition, we become the walking dead.
2. Wake Up (Steps 2,3,11):
The next step is to take a leap of faith. AA suggests that we open ourselves to a spiritual conversion. We come to faith in God, however we understand Him, and surrender to His will. The heart of addiction, the program teaches, is “self-will run riot,” our ego-centered desire to play God.
Recovery from pain addiction proceeds when we become aware of our Higher Power within, our consciousness that we are more than our bodies. We are also a spirit (soul), however we understand it. What feeds our preoccupation with physical pain is the illusion that we are only our bodies. Our sensual comfort and wellbeing then become our ultimate concern. Our happiness depends on it. Then, any physical distress becomes intolerable and must be eliminated at all costs.
With this shift of attention to a higher consciousness, we can stand back and observe our pain and our reactions to it. We begin to search for a deeper meaning to our suffering. Could there be a benefit to it? Could there be a life lesson hidden there? We also notice our reactions to the pain and consider if they are constructive or destructive. Do they correspond with what we value most in life? Am I letting my values or my fears of pain guide my life? The more we trust our wise minds, our higher consciousness, the more liberated from our life afflictions we become. According to Step Eleven, we pray regularly for conscious contact with God, knowledge of His will, and the power to carry it out.
3. Clean Up (Steps 4-7,10):
When we awaken to the angels of our better nature, we begin to recognize how much we have let the demons of our lower nature take charge. AA suggests we make a fearless, honest, and humble moral inventory. We need to explore why we engage in the addictive behavior, what benefits we derive from it. The program teaches that character defects underlie all addictions, especially self-centeredness. Indulging in any addiction, we are thinking only of ourselves. These defects must be confronted in order to liberate ourselves from the grasp of the addictive behavior.
When we explore our addictive reactions to pain, we may ask ourselves some difficult questions, which can reveal the immature self-centeredness of our thinking:
· Am I feeling sorry for myself?
· Am I looking for attention from others, for their sympathy?
· Do I use my pain to avoid responsibilities?
· Do I expect others to wait on me and become angry when they don’t (sickness tyrant)?
· Do I see myself as a helpless victim?
· Am I letting fear of pain control my life?
· Do I take pride in how tough I am and refuse medical help?
· Am I resentful that I illness limits me, interrupts my plans?
· Do I fear losing my independence?
· Am I angry at God for doing this to me?
· Do I blame myself or others for my condition?
· Am I impatient about my recovery?
Making a fearless and searching moral inventory, we may uncover other weaknesses hiding in the shadows. The light of awareness eases their grip on us. We realize we are better than that behavior. I pray regularly, “Lord, release me from my unknown faults.” According to Step Ten, we continually take our personal inventory and promptly admit when we are wrong.
4. Help Others (Steps 8,9,12):
Any addictive behavior is driven by self-centered concerns, either excessive craving for pleasure or aversion to pain. Aware of our bad habits of thinking and reacting, we seek to replace them with their opposing good habits. AA instructs its members to make amends for the harm they have done to others and themselves.
Our preoccupation with pain has harmed ourselves and others. We make amends by searching for the deeper meaning of our suffering and reaching out in compassion to others. Our physical sufferings can make us either bitter or better. They can lead us to withdraw in self-pity or open our hearts to others.
St. Teresa of Avila, a Carmelite nun who lived in the sixteenth century, is an example of living an enlightened attitude toward suffering. She suffered from a painful chronic illness that almost killed her in her youth. Of course, medical treatment at that time was limited. She fought against feelings of discouragement. She never felt sorry for herself, complained, or resented her condition in life. In fact, she welcomed it. She never prayed for relief, but only that she might be more faithful sharing in the sufferings of Christ. Her illness was her cross. She offered up her suffering for the good of others. She had a special compassion for the sick and often reached out to them.
In the light of her agonizing experiences, Teresa wrote the sisters of her congregation: “These continual moanings which we make about trifling ailments, my sisters, seem to me a sign of imperfection: If you can bear a thing, say nothing about it. When the ailment is serious, it proclaims itself….They (ailments) come and go; and unless you get rid of the habit of talking about them and complaining of everything (except to God) you will never come to the end of them.” (The Way of Perfection, New York: Dover Publications, 2012, pp. 93-94) She views the acceptance of physical ailments as a way of self-mortification, of dying to ourselves, so new life can arise.
Our pain can be the occasion for new life. Through it we develop strength of character and generosity. How else can we learn patience and compassion for others who suffer? How many cancer survivors, for example, volunteer to help other cancer victims? In caring for others, we care for ourselves. According to Step Twelve, we are encouraged to carry the message of our spiritual awakening to others and live by these higher principles. Many alcoholics are grateful for their disease because through it they had a spiritual awakening and were able to help others.
We are in the midst of a pain management crisis, often called an opioid epidemic. Our preoccupation with our bodies and its comfort drives this crisis. We have an intense aversion to pain in all its forms. We seek to eliminate it at all costs, even at the price of addiction. The way out of this crisis requires a conversion of mind and heart, a radical shift of attention. We need to shift from our exclusive focus on the body to what is beyond it, our higher consciousness. Guided by an awakened awareness we can embrace the unavoidable pain of living, transform it, and become more patient and compassionate.
For most posts by and about Dennis, click HERE.
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