Daily Excerpt: Survival of the Caregiver (Snyder) - Chapter B

 

Excerpt from Survival of the Caregiver by Janice Snyder - 

B

BACKS are the mainstay of our bodies when they're in. When they go out on us, we are in big trouble as caregivers. The first time I pulled a muscle in my back, I was miserable for a week. Then I forgot all about it and lifted something incorrectly again. Two weeks of misery followed. There are rules to live by when lifting something or someone: Always bend the knees and use the leg muscles, not the back. For better leverage, get as close to the object or person as possible. Leaning into the patient's torso minimizes back strain when helping to lift the patient to a sitting position or out of the bed. A slant board enables you to slide a person from and to a bed or chair with less lifting involved. If the dependent is a heavy person, try getting a medical lift that does most of the work.

There are special fabric braces made now that give excellent support for your back. They wrap around the waist and are easily attached with Velcro. If you have to do a lot of moving and lifting of your dependent, it would be well worth it to invest in this kind of back support. Do exercises to strengthen your back muscles. Be sensible; avoid unnecessary lifting. Your back will thank you by keeping you straight and pain free.

 

BACK RUBS are crucial and essential for the dependent if bed-ridden. They help to improve circulation and prevent bedsores. It is easier to rub backs than to take care of bedsores.

Caregivers constantly use their backs when caring for the patient and doing chores. If someone gives you a nice back rub, it’s a real treat. I hope you know that kind of someone. The next best thing for those aches and pains is a long soak in the tub.

 

BACK-UPS are people you can call in a pinch or emergency. Family and friends living nearby should be familiar with your routine. They need to know the dosages and times for dispensing medications. Keep the schedule posted in a convenient place. Knowing others who can take over quickly with minimal instruction will reduce stress should you have to leave suddenly.

 

BAKING SODA gets a ten for versatility. It is good for making Toll House cookies, cleaning your teeth, calming acid indigestion, deodorizing the refrigerator and rooms and sprinkling on urine spots in the rug. Accidents do happen. I keep a big box of baking soda handy in the bedroom. Not only does it deodorize the rug, it minimizes the staining too.

 

BARGAINS we all love to find. They help to keep your wallet from having that empty look. Shop around for such items as Depends, talcum powder, moist towelettes, plastic bag liners and detergents for washing bed linens. Always buy in large quantities. Check the newspaper for specials. Cut out and use those pain-in-the-neck coupons─every bit helps. The large wholesale clubs usually have the best buys.

 

BEAUTIFUL is what life is supposed to be. The caregiver sees and lives with a part of life that, let's face it, isn't beautiful. The reality of a catastrophic illness is dependency on another, mental and physical suffering, and an altered, struggling lifestyle. What is beautiful is the shared love, courage, support and understanding that two individuals can give to one another. That is what eases the burden for the caregiver and the dependent.

 

BEDSORES can become a serious problem for someone totally confined to their bed. I have not had to deal with this problem yet, so I consulted the doctor I work for.

A bed-ridden person should be rolled every two-three hours to prevent bedsores. A special egg-crate mattress helps to keep the air circulating underneath the patient. If patchy redness is seen, a doughnut-shaped cushion can be placed under the area to relieve the pressure. If blisters form, a physician should be consulted. These kinds of problems involve additional medical treatment, time and expense. Knowledge gained before a problem arises for the disabled person is always of benefit to the caregiver as well as the patient.

 

BED-WETTING keeps the washer going. The problem is not always solved entirely by using Depends or similar protections, although they do help. If you are willing and able to get up one or two times a night to assist the disabled with bathroom needs, then a diaper is usually adequate. I find having my sleep interrupted during the night makes rising and shining at 5:15 a.m. very difficult. I prefer to strip the sheets in the morning, but to each his own in this department. It helps to have a system for handling this unpleasant task. I keep everything lined up within easy reach. I can almost do the changing in my sleep; in fact, I think I have at times.

Six months after writing this whole section on bed-wetting, someone suggested using double diapers or an extra padded insert at night, which is a simple solution. Why didn't I think of that? Works like a charm. It reduced the bed changing ninety percent. That smart advice was a tremendous time and energy saver and really appreciated.

Sometimes the disabled person becomes confused during the night and tries to take the diaper off. Now there's a scenario I'm familiar with. It looks like there's been a snowstorm inside the bedroom. Bits of wet cotton are everywhere, so I don a pair of my trusty rubber gloves and gather up the ‘snow.’

Try to limit the amount of liquids ingested by the patient after six p.m. Remember─decreased intake, means decreased output.

 

BELIEF in a higher power gives strength and support to the caregiver. It is desperately needed at times. Each individual's spiritual life and inner faith is a very personal thing. However, when there is no one else near to turn to, there is great comfort in knowing you can turn to God. He is always just a prayer away.

There is also someone else it helps to believe in, yourself. Confidence and growing secure with who you are as an individual comes through your experience of life's challenges. Being a caregiver isn't just a burdensome duty. Through caring for another, you can find a special meaning for your own life.

 

BLAME can be a heavy load to bear. When things go wrong in life, don't get bogged down in blaming yourself or blaming someone else saying, "If only I had. . .” or, "If only you had. . ." Either way, blame can be destructive.

Children who are always being blamed for things will develop negative feelings of guilt. Later on in life, they will continue taking the blame for things that go wrong, even though some mistakes may be beyond anyone's control.

It wasn't possible to place blame on any one person in our family. Whenever Mom discovered something was broken, all four of us kids would shout in unison, "I didn't do it . . . don't blame me." We were the pictures of innocence.

We are given the precious gift of free will. We use it to make choices in life. Each of us must take responsibility for those choices. If you let a friend talk you into helping him rob a bank, whose fault is it? Ask any judge. You are responsible, and it was your choice to aid and abet. You are an accessory.

When something happens to a loved one, there is a tendency for others to take the blame. This is especially so when suicide is involved. Another person's choice is a heavy burden for you to bear. Think about that. Free yourself from senseless guilt, because it will destroy you.

 

BLESSINGS are easy for me to expound on. How about you? My husband and I have had many blessings through the years: four wonderful children (a couple of miracles included) and loyal family members and friends; God bless each and every one. Whenever I'm feeling sorry for myself, I start counting my blessings. Before long, I've lost count and forgotten what I was feeling so down about. No matter who you are, things could always be worse, and may even be worse one day. Remember, bad times do not last forever. Keep the faith; believe what you are doing is the very best that you can do for right now, because it truly is. Be thankful for all the opportunities and all the blessings in your life. Have you counted them lately?

 

BODY LANGUAGE communicates people's inner feelings and emotional attitudes towards one another. The way you stand, sit, make eye contact and gesture with your hands can convey a lot without one word spoken. You may not even be aware that your body is telling on you because these are unconscious gestures.

When you are feeling down, your mouth turns down, and the hugs and handholding are missed. Your patient will sense something is wrong and think he is the cause, which is probably right. That will put both of you in a slump. Negative body language will do that.

A good, upbeat attitude is also reflected in your body language. Your loved one will instinctively know and feel more relaxed and comfortable as a result. This, in turn, will reduce stress in your dependent, which always makes caregiving easier for you, the caregiver─full circle.

 

BOREDOM can set in when your life is confined to a routine of continuously caring for another. If your patient has had a stroke or has Alzheimer's disease, conversation tends to be very limited. But there should be more than, "Honey, take your pills," or, "Time for your pills, sweetheart," or "Pill time." Discuss different things, even if it is all one-sided and sounds like a soliloquy. Your patient may be able to understand a lot more than you think.

When communications are limited, it is up to you to keep from being bored. Watch television and read. Stay in touch with people. Invite a neighbor in for afternoon tea, and chat on the phone with friends daily. Contact with people keeps the outside world open for you.

While we are on the subject of boredom, remember not to be boring yourself. When visiting with people, don't spend all the time boo-hooing about your lot in life or talking about the dependent's problems. That defeats the whole purpose. Discuss new and interesting subjects; get outside yourself.

If the other party asks about the person in your care, a brief discussion is appropriate. Graphic details are hard to digest and can turn people off. If your friends start disappearing into the woodwork, you know you overdid it.

 

BOWEL MOVEMENTS are a necessary bodily function, I'm afraid.

I had an uncle in his eighties, and when his daughter was out of town, I would make daily phone calls to check up on him. It never failed that before the conversation was concluded, he would tell me what a wonderful bowel movement he had had that day. I always congratulated him, because it seemed expected. But I never really understood his need to discuss such a personal thing or his elation over it, until now. When someone is disabled, their whole system slows down, and normal, regular bowel habits slow down too.

Someone else's bowels had never really interested me. I was shocked the first time I realized I had to make them a concern. Then I was worried. It had been several days since I could remember anything happening in that department. So I went to the drug store and bought some capsules that were supposed to do the trick. Nothing happened. Now I was really worried. I had heard about people becoming impacted and going to the hospital to be freed up. Next, the druggist said to use a suppository. There was no immediate action, so I repeated the procedure. At last, the required results occurred, much to our mutual relief.

The doctor I work with suggested that I use rubber gloves for “special occasions” when laxatives have to be given. He donated a box to the cause─truly a gift of the greatest magnitude. Do keep disposable, rubber gloves handy; they make unpleasant clean-ups a whole lot more bearable. The gloves can be purchased at any medical supply company. Discount stores, such as K-Mart and Wal-Mart, often carry rubber gloves in the pharmaceutical or beauty sections at a lower price, so check around.

When constipation is a problem, talk to your doctor or trusty druggist. Stool softeners help, and if worse comes to worst, a Fleet's enema will usually get the job done.

A patient told me her mother became impacted. She had to don rubber gloves and manually extract some of the stool. Then she gave her a Fleet's enema, followed by more extracting. That is not a pleasant task for the caregiver, and even less so for the disabled person. The point I want to make is that keeping track of bodily functions is a very critical part of caring for the disabled. Don't let too much time go by before taking some kind of action. What goes in must come out, or else you've got trouble.

 

BREAKS you want, if they are the lucky kind. You can't get enough of those. But breaks, as in fractures, are an unfortunate occurrence you would rather not have to deal with at all.

My husband often becomes disoriented. There are times when he doesn't watch where he's going, or he starts to sit down on air, thinking he's at his chair. Other times, he freezes when walking. He has tripped over things and broken ribs in a couple of bad falls. Luckily, no broken legs yet─knock on wood─but it is a constant concern. It is risky for me to leave Richard unattended for even one minute. That is exactly the minute he would pick to do some “fancy stepping.”

If your dependent is mobile, don't keep throw rugs or small objects around that could be tripped over. The type of shoes your patient should wear depends a lot on the surface of the floor. Tennis shoes are more sure-footed on hardwood floors or when climbing stairs. A book I read said that leather soled shoes were better for patients with Parkinson's disease, because of their tendency to drag their feet and freeze while walking. Rubber soles tend to catch on rugs, so I gave my husband's Reebok walking shoes to the Salvation Army. Well, I wish I had them back. A few weeks ago, while walking my husband across the wet back porch, those leather shoes slipped right out from under him and he fell and broke two ribs. With shoes, it's hard to know which type is most suitable. It makes sense to use the type that seems to work best for your patient on the floor coverings in your home.

A broken leg or hip would definitely add to your burden as a caregiver. Falls resulting in hip fractures are a common cause of hospitalization for elderly people.

Take care you don't break something yourself. That would be a double catastrophe. Hurrying won't get you anywhere, except into a plaster cast.

 

BUDGET your time and your money. They are equally important. I'm pretty good about handling time, but I come up short in the money department. I would revamp my budget, but it's vamped out. The minute I think there will be a sizable amount of money left over after paying bills, something big will break. It's just as sure to happen as death and taxes. I try to stick to a budget that's realistic and elastic, because it always needs stretching.

Actually, I must confess, I should not try to tell anyone how to survive on a budget; I'm unqualified. I do know that savings should be put aside first because there is never anything left to save if it's the last consideration. I also know that you should pay off charge accounts in full each month, or cancel them. However, if you aren't able to pay the account off in full each month, make the effort to pay more than the minimum due. This will give you an excellent credit rating and at least decrease the amount of time it will take to clear the balance out. Having a credit card isn't all bad though. Establishing good credit is important, in this day and age, for big purchases. It also saves having to carry a lot of cash with you. It is good to control spending. The deeper in debt you are, the deeper your worries.

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Read more posts aboutt Janice and her book HERE.

Read more posts about caregiving HERE.

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