The Story behind the Book: I Love My Kids, But I Don't Always Like Them (Franki Bagdade)
This week's book back story features I Love My Kids, But I Don't Always Like Them by Franki Bagdade.
From the author --
I can't spell. Truly, I'm terrible at it. When I got my first job, teaching children with learning disabilities in a private elementary school they sent me for specialized training in phonics, a program called Orton Gillingham created for those who struggle with traditional ways of learning to read. It was eye-opening. For the first time, I understood the spelling patterns and realized there was something I could rely on besides, just memorization when trying to spell all of those darn words. For the first time in my life, I started to enjoy Wheel of Fortune. I knew which letter Vanna White was gonna unveil before she turned around those famous white cubes. Fast forward a few years later into my teaching career which was also a few years of intense exposure to many misspelled
Words, that’s what happens when you teach students who also struggle with spelling… and my spelling was pretty much, the same as it was when I was young if not a little worse…
Now you may be wondering why I'm giving you a little lesson in my history and I'm talking about spelling I promise it's applicable, just stay with me.
I hated creative writing when I was a child.I dreaded any kind of writing assignment. Even though I knew I had some skills for language arts.
therefore in the dozens or so interviews I've done since my book, I love my kids but I don't always like them was published in 2021 when they asked me "did you always know that you wanted to be an author" I say no.
The truth is it never crossed my mind. I never thought I could be an author. You see when I picture writing at school. All I see is my paper being handed back to me with a sea of red ink and angryish comments.
What does this mean, too many careless errors, make sure to edit your work, Franki- you are not meeting your potential. I never had any positive feedback about my writing. Yes, things got better as word processing became more sophisticated, and spellcheck became more efficient. However, I needed to know enough about spelling to know whether the word that spelled check is adjusting is the right spelling of the right word that I'm actually trying to spell.
And it's not just spelling. I don't understand commas I overuse them I underuse them I like to utilize several! I could argue that all sentences could be exclamatory! So I never saw myself as a writer.
And let's talk a little bit now about the term careless errors. I saw that a lot in School in my writing, in math, and all the subjects I wasn't so wonderful at. And you know what it's stung because they weren't careless errors. I cared a ton, I just didn't know how to do it any differently.
It wasn’t until many years later, that I started to understand that my lack of spelling and grammar skills was closely connected to my neurotype, to being neurodivergent, to having ADHD.
In 2019, I was laid off from a job I loved it was more than the job. It was a lifestyle that included travel, a title, and a position in the public eye being laid off was tough even though I knew I was colossally burnt out and ready for something different.
In those weeks after being laid off, I didn't sleep well I wasn't sure what the next big step was one night I was looking through some old writing on my computer and I realized that I had started not 8 or nine different blogs. And they were all about the same things parenting, or anxiety, parenting anxiety, ADHD mental health…
you see when blogging took off and opened up the door for me. No, I never got great feedback on my writing, but I knew I had something to say and I was able to express myself well with my talking, my ideas were there. In fact, I was often criticized in school, socially, and professionally for talking too much and being too passionate. Well, universe- before you is a professional speaker, writer, and storyteller.
I was able to paint a picture with words, though my spelling and my, comma use got in the way.
So in October 2019, when I started my first company, Faabconsulting, which continues on today, I started my first actually published blog a few months later the world shut down and I had a little time on my hands. I realized people were reading what I wrote, they were interested in what I had to say. In those intense months at home when we were our kids camp counselors, teachers, therapists, playmates, and more. I was acutely aware that all I have learned from the classroom, my professional experience, and overnight camping my work as a teacher, consultant, and professional development provider amounted to something, something real something that guided me in my parenting. I wondered how people who had no experience working with kids could figure out parenting. I had a two-decade-long career working with children and teens not just any children and teens, but the tough ones the ones t who got kicked out of their home schools, who struggled at school and struggled with friends, who struggled with many things and you know what I still think parenting is hard I still have moments where I don't like parenting and I don't like my children so much. Now don't feel bad for them.
They feel very similarly about me. And I know they still love me
Because those children don't come with an instruction manual I had a unique perspective. I want to share it with other parents I want to give them actionable strategies that they could use tomorrow. I do this in two big ways.
Helping you to understand who your kid is not who they want them to be or assume they would be. Not by comparing them to their peers at school, or your neighbors or your best friends’ kids or even their siblings. But by getting to know them!
Helping you learn how to talk and listen to your kids in order to work out those problems together
And in between I talk about tantrums and melt downs, what to do when they struggle at school, sensory needs, anxiety and AdHD and so much more.
So what does this have to do with spelling? Well, if I didn't learn to accept who I was not,NOT who I thought I should be or assumed I would be, I would never be here as an author. That’s how important this concept is.
accepting that I just can't spell or use a comma correctly. I was able to work around it by getting a team of great editors, and then believing in myself to write this book. who knows one of you may be raising an author right now that is struggling with school.
I want parents to feel bit more confident in their parenting without reading a 500 page book or committing to a style of parenting, such as gentle, parenting, authoritative, parenting, authoritarian, parenting, free range, parenting, and so on. Committing to one type of parenting, robs you of the chance to get to know those kids and meet their needs.
But perhaps more important than all of that I want each and every parent out there to know that it's OK to love your children fiercely, but not always so much of the time it happens to me and I have a masters degree in special education and another one in clinical social work.
Maybe one day we will stop apologizing and simply say, I don't always like those kids of mine but tomorrow I'll try something new.
Awards
IAN Book of the Year
Literary Titan Gold Award
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