Daily Excerpt: Women, We're Only Old Once (Cooper) - Introduction
Today's book excerpt comes from Women, We're Only Old Once by Bertha Cooper.
INTRODUCTION
I
stood at the door to my old age, somewhat reluctant to enter. Since I was only
partially committed to the inevitable, I took a cautious first look at this new
territory and came up with more questions than answers. What should I wear? What
must I plan? What must I pack? What do I leave behind? What does it matter?
I
embarked on writing Women, We’re Only Old Once!: Keep What You Can, Let Go
of What You Can’t, Enjoy What You Have when I was 66 years old and found
myself asking even more questions. I knew that I was not alone. I would write
from a woman’s point of view. Women, We’re Only Old Once! would
be a book for women. I knew that I wanted to share my journey with other women
and that I wanted to invite women to share their journeys with me.
Aging
doesn’t start at 50, 55, 60, or 65. It starts at birth. Aging doesn’t get a bad
name until accompanied by wrinkles, arthritic bumps, and the certain knowledge
that we have fewer years left to live than we have lived. Denial takes over,
especially in a culture that markets anti-aging products. All my experience has
shown me that aging into old age, like any other transition, is a natural
process. I knew that Women, We’re Only Old Once! had to inform and
empower with understanding, choice, and control.
For
more than 50 years, I worked with, around, and for older people as a nurse and
health care administrator. I went into management early in my career, mostly
due to the incredible growth of services brought on by Medicare and the few
experienced administrators available for the work. I am forever grateful for the
opportunity to experience and work in settings like hospitals, skilled nursing
facilities, home health, rehabilitation centers, outpatient services, and
hospice programs. As a team, other health care professionals and I worked to
provide services that would allow older and old-aged people to restore their
health and function with dignity and purpose or, if that were not possible, end
their lives in dignity and comfort. We did our best as we helped them to mobilize
their resources. I witnessed incredible resolve of those recovering from
injury, surgery, or long illness that had left them exhausted and in pain. I
marveled at the will that brought back their spirits and put them back into
their homes. I loved all those old people, and I am wiser because of them.
In all
settings, most aging people strive to maintain their independence and control
just as they have at any other time in their lives. I felt we were at our best
when we helped them achieve their goals and our worst when we stood in the way
of their goals. Because of these individuals, I grew to respect and admire old
age. What’s not to love about enduring resilience, frisky obstinacy, honest
observations, and personal histories of success and failure? I know as a
witness what aging does and can bring. Thus, Women, We’re Only Old Once!
had to be about choices we make that will or will not lead to living well into
and in our old age.
Despite,
or maybe because of my considerable background and knowledge, I had many
questions about why certain things happen when we grow old and wondered if these
things are truly part of aging. Having worked in an industry that saw people
with medical problems, I didn’t necessarily know what natural aging was.
Recognizing healthy aging was not as programmed into me since my knowledge and
experience was primarily around pathological aging.
I
started Women, We’re Only Old Once! by interviewing younger and older
women friends. I discovered they had the same interest, even a longing, to talk
about what it means to get old. They soon referred me to other women, and my
circle of women expanded. Most of the women I spoke with were between the ages
of 55 and 75 and had a variety of experiences and backgrounds. I collected
stories that brought new insights as well as confirming the sense of being
together on an important journey. I have included several of their stories in
this book. Although I haven’t used their real names or in some cases, even disguised
identifying information, the stories are true as they told them. Several of
their quotes are included in the book and referenced as “Aging Women Survey.”
I
relied on professional colleagues including a dermatologist and geriatrician
well-respected in their fields, along with nurses, an experienced dietitian, a personal
trainer, yoga instructors, a hair stylist, and an exercise physiologist. I
explored popular women’s magazines and scientific journals. I delved into the
wealth of leads and information available on the Internet that led to multiple
resources for trends and data. I have included them in a reference list that
can serve as a resource for additional information.
My
husband of 48 years provided important motivation for my journey and writing
just as he has during our all years together. This time was a bit different in
that he became a laboratory of sorts for me as he transitioned into late middle
age and old age. He is now a remarkable 93 years old, fully 16 years older than
I am. I have watched and lived his aging.
I learned the natural processes of aging are in many aspects common to men and
women. I
knew I wanted to age as well as he. I wanted everyone to have the experience of
aging well.
Women,
We’re Only Old Once! is not intended to be an encyclopedia of all
things related to aging. Instead, it focuses on aging as a natural process and
answers questions that give us an informed understanding of the transition we
are in and a greater ability to make informed choices. Women, We’re Only Old
Once! is not intended to replace individual medical supervision or
recommendations; in fact, the importance of professional health care is
emphasized in assessing and managing the effects of aging whether resulting
from natural or disease processes.
Women,
We’re Only Old Once! is thoughtful reflection, informed perspective,
and fact-based useful information about the physical, psychological, mental,
and social processes of aging and suggestions for women to effectively manage
their aging world. Women, We’re Only Old Once! is a book about choices
and control of our lives. It’s the joie de vivre of drooping chins,
aches, and pains that last longer than a day, hugging grandchildren, expanding
waistlines, living the dream, unbearable losses, losing words in the middle of
a sentence, living on a fixed income, and coming to peace. It’s the joie de
vivre of waking each morning and seeing the sun or the rain as if it were
the first time.
Part
One, “Directing, not Denying the Aging
Process.” opens Women, We’re Only Old Once! with the frank
observation that we are only old once and begins to set out a positive vision
of aging, one we can choose. Most of us happen to live in a culture that
prefers not to talk about getting old and its inevitable outcome of death so we
don’t always get the chance to define what we mean by “aging with grace,”
“young for her age,” or “come along with me, the best is yet to come.” Yet, we
know the inevitability of the transition.
We’ve
experienced the sense of time flying by and things shifting out of our control
but never as much as when we reach our mid-50s and early 60s. We begin to
experience an unnerving sense of accelerating change, characterizing our lives
whether it is a new ache, technology innovations, or the death of a friend.
Such
wonderings begin on the day we feel bonds loosening and experience concern that
we no longer will be known for what we were. It is the beginning of
contemplations, recapitulations, and resolutions that allow us to move forward
into the transition, a process not unlike the other transitions in our lives.
We are tasked to learn the art of grieving, acceptance, and renewal in the face
of accelerating loss.
Part
Two, “Being in Step with the Natural Process of Aging,” focuses on the physical
and organic changes that forever change our abilities, our appearance, and our
futures. The changes are dramatic and seem life altering mainly because we live
in a society that sees beauty only in the young woman and not possible in the
aging woman.
Physical
changes related to normal aging are presented in a factual way to help us
understand what to expect and what precautions we can take to mitigate any
dysfunction that could result from those changes.
Aging does
make us more vulnerable to disease, but we have power and can make choices that
achieve and maintain our health. Skin, energy or lack thereof, weight, expanding
waists, symptoms of health problems, and mental fitness are put into the
framework of our aging journey. Options are given for managing the changes with
an emphasis on managing weight, relieving unnecessary anxieties, and making
informed choices.
Part
Three, Women Living as an Older Woman in America, speaks to the many
ways we live as an older person and the importance of defining and making plans
for what’s important for each of us. We always have known that women are more
likely to live longer than male partners. How odd it is that for all of women’s
caring about family, security, friendship, and fulfillment, many of us enter
old age as if we thought we never would. Many of us have done little planning
or have no plans at all.
Many
of the themes of physical impermanence, less energy, and less time also apply
to our daily habits and relationships. We may have to change habits in order to
maintain the appearance we wish to present. Our declining capacity for managing
stress forces us to make these kinds of changes.
We
continue to care about friendship and family relationships; some grow stronger,
some are reconciled, and some are let go as we plan around less energy and
time. We may still be in love, fall in love, or not. The desire for partnering
is highly individual. We learn sometimes to our surprise that we still are
sensual, sexual human beings. Most important, we learn our sexuality is not
lost unless we have chosen to lose it and may just require a spark for
ignition.
Part
Four, “Aging Women Becoming What They Are,” can be thought of as the soul of Women,
We’re Only Old Once!. Our purpose, obligations, limitations, and potential
are explored. Some of us discover that we have new purpose, that indeed a
woman’s work is never done. We explore coming to terms with the lessons and
meaning of this phase of life and the end of this life. How well do we embrace
losses, especially those that matter? And does it matter?
Spirituality
enters our thoughts at a different level as we wrap our minds more closely around
the end of this life and what it means to us. Some of us emerge with deepened
spirituality, which may be a strong connection with place or a sustained sense
of religious faith or a simple connection with all things living, past, and
present.
Women, We’re Only Old Once! tells women how to take on the rightful
essence of aging, not by denying age but by understanding the process of aging
and making choices in a physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mindfully
healthy way.
The fearful journey to the inevitable
turns into challenge, then excitement through sharing, learning, and
understanding that aging is not instant death of our personalities, our bodies,
or our relevance to the world. Rather, we see ourselves in the reflections of
other women, role models, and ever-newly-appearing realizations of the power underlying
the years we’ve lived and the power yet to come. We come alive.
This book intends to illuminate the
strength, beauty and potential of an aging woman, often hidden or unrealized. This
woman is the role model of living well, and she can be found all around us. She
is in our neighborhood, our church, our volunteer organizations, our work
settings, and our homes. She is in you and me. She is us.
Awards
Kops-Fetherling International Book Awards/Phoenix Award for Best New Voice in Health and Fitness
Winner, Best Indie Book Award
Winner, Independent Press Award
Winner, Pinnacle Book Achievement Award
For more posts about Bertha and her book, click HERE.
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