Daily Excerpt: Women, We're Only Old Once (Cooper) - Introduction

 



Today's book excerpt comes from Women, We're Only Old Once by Bertha Cooper.


INTRODUCTION

 

I stood at the door to my old age, somewhat reluctant to enter. Since I was only partially committed to the inevitable, I took a cautious first look at this new territory and came up with more questions than answers. What should I wear? What must I plan? What must I pack? What do I leave behind? What does it matter?

I embarked on writing Women, We’re Only Old Once!: Keep What You Can, Let Go of What You Can’t, Enjoy What You Have when I was 66 years old and found myself asking even more questions. I knew that I was not alone. I would write from a woman’s point of view. Women, We’re Only Old Once! would be a book for women. I knew that I wanted to share my journey with other women and that I wanted to invite women to share their journeys with me.

Aging doesn’t start at 50, 55, 60, or 65. It starts at birth. Aging doesn’t get a bad name until accompanied by wrinkles, arthritic bumps, and the certain knowledge that we have fewer years left to live than we have lived. Denial takes over, especially in a culture that markets anti-aging products. All my experience has shown me that aging into old age, like any other transition, is a natural process. I knew that Women, We’re Only Old Once! had to inform and empower with understanding, choice, and control.

For more than 50 years, I worked with, around, and for older people as a nurse and health care administrator. I went into management early in my career, mostly due to the incredible growth of services brought on by Medicare and the few experienced administrators available for the work. I am forever grateful for the opportunity to experience and work in settings like hospitals, skilled nursing facilities, home health, rehabilitation centers, outpatient services, and hospice programs. As a team, other health care professionals and I worked to provide services that would allow older and old-aged people to restore their health and function with dignity and purpose or, if that were not possible, end their lives in dignity and comfort. We did our best as we helped them to mobilize their resources. I witnessed incredible resolve of those recovering from injury, surgery, or long illness that had left them exhausted and in pain. I marveled at the will that brought back their spirits and put them back into their homes. I loved all those old people, and I am wiser because of them.

In all settings, most aging people strive to maintain their independence and control just as they have at any other time in their lives. I felt we were at our best when we helped them achieve their goals and our worst when we stood in the way of their goals. Because of these individuals, I grew to respect and admire old age. What’s not to love about enduring resilience, frisky obstinacy, honest observations, and personal histories of success and failure? I know as a witness what aging does and can bring. Thus, Women, We’re Only Old Once! had to be about choices we make that will or will not lead to living well into and in our old age.

Despite, or maybe because of my considerable background and knowledge, I had many questions about why certain things happen when we grow old and wondered if these things are truly part of aging. Having worked in an industry that saw people with medical problems, I didn’t necessarily know what natural aging was. Recognizing healthy aging was not as programmed into me since my knowledge and experience was primarily around pathological aging.

I started Women, We’re Only Old Once! by interviewing younger and older women friends. I discovered they had the same interest, even a longing, to talk about what it means to get old. They soon referred me to other women, and my circle of women expanded. Most of the women I spoke with were between the ages of 55 and 75 and had a variety of experiences and backgrounds. I collected stories that brought new insights as well as confirming the sense of being together on an important journey. I have included several of their stories in this book. Although I haven’t used their real names or in some cases, even disguised identifying information, the stories are true as they told them. Several of their quotes are included in the book and referenced as “Aging Women Survey.”

I relied on professional colleagues including a dermatologist and geriatrician well-respected in their fields, along with nurses, an experienced dietitian, a personal trainer, yoga instructors, a hair stylist, and an exercise physiologist. I explored popular women’s magazines and scientific journals. I delved into the wealth of leads and information available on the Internet that led to multiple resources for trends and data. I have included them in a reference list that can serve as a resource for additional information.

My husband of 48 years provided important motivation for my journey and writing just as he has during our all years together. This time was a bit different in that he became a laboratory of sorts for me as he transitioned into late middle age and old age. He is now a remarkable 93 years old, fully 16 years older than I am. I have watched and lived his aging. I learned the natural processes of aging are in many aspects common to men and women. I knew I wanted to age as well as he. I wanted everyone to have the experience of aging well.

The process of discovery brought me to Women, We’re Only Old Once!, a guide to aging for women ages 55 to 80 who seek answers to questions about what to expect, what to question, what to influence, and what to simply accept from their aging selves. This book is a tool for wonder, empowerment, and getting the most out of this important phase of life.

Women, We’re Only Old Once! is not intended to be an encyclopedia of all things related to aging. Instead, it focuses on aging as a natural process and answers questions that give us an informed understanding of the transition we are in and a greater ability to make informed choices. Women, We’re Only Old Once! is not intended to replace individual medical supervision or recommendations; in fact, the importance of professional health care is emphasized in assessing and managing the effects of aging whether resulting from natural or disease processes.

Women, We’re Only Old Once! is thoughtful reflection, informed perspective, and fact-based useful information about the physical, psychological, mental, and social processes of aging and suggestions for women to effectively manage their aging world. Women, We’re Only Old Once! is a book about choices and control of our lives. It’s the joie de vivre of drooping chins, aches, and pains that last longer than a day, hugging grandchildren, expanding waistlines, living the dream, unbearable losses, losing words in the middle of a sentence, living on a fixed income, and coming to peace. It’s the joie de vivre of waking each morning and seeing the sun or the rain as if it were the first time.       

Part One, “Directing, not Denying the Aging Process.” opens Women, We’re Only Old Once! with the frank observation that we are only old once and begins to set out a positive vision of aging, one we can choose. Most of us happen to live in a culture that prefers not to talk about getting old and its inevitable outcome of death so we don’t always get the chance to define what we mean by “aging with grace,” “young for her age,” or “come along with me, the best is yet to come.” Yet, we know the inevitability of the transition.

We’ve experienced the sense of time flying by and things shifting out of our control but never as much as when we reach our mid-50s and early 60s. We begin to experience an unnerving sense of accelerating change, characterizing our lives whether it is a new ache, technology innovations, or the death of a friend.

Such wonderings begin on the day we feel bonds loosening and experience concern that we no longer will be known for what we were. It is the beginning of contemplations, recapitulations, and resolutions that allow us to move forward into the transition, a process not unlike the other transitions in our lives. We are tasked to learn the art of grieving, acceptance, and renewal in the face of accelerating loss.

Part Two, “Being in Step with the Natural Process of Aging,” focuses on the physical and organic changes that forever change our abilities, our appearance, and our futures. The changes are dramatic and seem life altering mainly because we live in a society that sees beauty only in the young woman and not possible in the aging woman.

Physical changes related to normal aging are presented in a factual way to help us understand what to expect and what precautions we can take to mitigate any dysfunction that could result from those changes.

Aging does make us more vulnerable to disease, but we have power and can make choices that achieve and maintain our health. Skin, energy or lack thereof, weight, expanding waists, symptoms of health problems, and mental fitness are put into the framework of our aging journey. Options are given for managing the changes with an emphasis on managing weight, relieving unnecessary anxieties, and making informed choices.

Part Three, Women Living as an Older Woman in America, speaks to the many ways we live as an older person and the importance of defining and making plans for what’s important for each of us. We always have known that women are more likely to live longer than male partners. How odd it is that for all of women’s caring about family, security, friendship, and fulfillment, many of us enter old age as if we thought we never would. Many of us have done little planning or have no plans at all.

Many of the themes of physical impermanence, less energy, and less time also apply to our daily habits and relationships. We may have to change habits in order to maintain the appearance we wish to present. Our declining capacity for managing stress forces us to make these kinds of changes.

We continue to care about friendship and family relationships; some grow stronger, some are reconciled, and some are let go as we plan around less energy and time. We may still be in love, fall in love, or not. The desire for partnering is highly individual. We learn sometimes to our surprise that we still are sensual, sexual human beings. Most important, we learn our sexuality is not lost unless we have chosen to lose it and may just require a spark for ignition.

Part Four, “Aging Women Becoming What They Are,” can be thought of as the soul of Women, We’re Only Old Once!. Our purpose, obligations, limitations, and potential are explored. Some of us discover that we have new purpose, that indeed a woman’s work is never done. We explore coming to terms with the lessons and meaning of this phase of life and the end of this life. How well do we embrace losses, especially those that matter? And does it matter?

Spirituality enters our thoughts at a different level as we wrap our minds more closely around the end of this life and what it means to us. Some of us emerge with deepened spirituality, which may be a strong connection with place or a sustained sense of religious faith or a simple connection with all things living, past, and present.

Women, We’re Only Old Once! tells women how to take on the rightful essence of aging, not by denying age but by understanding the process of aging and making choices in a physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mindfully healthy way.

The fearful journey to the inevitable turns into challenge, then excitement through sharing, learning, and understanding that aging is not instant death of our personalities, our bodies, or our relevance to the world. Rather, we see ourselves in the reflections of other women, role models, and ever-newly-appearing realizations of the power underlying the years we’ve lived and the power yet to come. We come alive.

This book intends to illuminate the strength, beauty and potential of an aging woman, often hidden or unrealized. This woman is the role model of living well, and she can be found all around us. She is in our neighborhood, our church, our volunteer organizations, our work settings, and our homes. She is in you and me. She is us.

My intent is that women join me in these pages and embrace their own journey on the pathway to living well in this most interesting phase of life.

Awards

Kops-Fetherling International Book Awards/Phoenix Award for Best New Voice in Health and Fitness

Winner, Best Indie Book Award

Winner, Independent Press Award

Winner, Pinnacle Book Achievement Award


For more posts about Bertha and her book, click HERE.


Sign up for the MSI Press LLC newsletter

Follow MSI Press on TwitterFace Book, and Instagram. 

Interested in publishing with MSI Press LLC?
Check out information on how to submit a proposal.

Planning on self-publishing and don't know where to start?
Our author au pair services will mentor you through the process.

Interested in receiving a free copy of this or any MSI Press LLC book
 in exchange for reviewing a current or forthcoming MSI Press LLC book?
Contact editor@msipress.com.

Want an author-signed copy of this book?
Purchase the book at 25% discount (use coupon code FF25)
and concurrently send a written request to orders@msipress.com.
Want to communicate with one of our authors?
You can!
Find their contact information on our Authors' Pages.


   
MSI Press is ranked among the top publishers in California.
Check out our rankings -- and more --
 HERE.




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

In Memoriam: Carl Don Leaver

A Publisher's Conversation with Authors: Book Marketing vs Book Promotion