Cancer Diary: The Spiritual Side of Life--and Death

 

When Carl was dying from cancer of unknown primary, he was reluctant to face his own mortality. He would not tall about it with anyone except our priest, Fr. Ed. When Fr. Ed arrived to give last rites, Carl had been mostly near-comatose for two days, but when Fr. Ed spoke his eyes flew open, he listened intently, and he even laughed at Fr. Ed's humor. 

The following morning at 7:30 a.m., Carl passed away peacefully, surrounded by all his children and all his cats -- and of course, his wife. It was as if Fr. Ed's words, the last rites, or the presence that surrounded that encounter at last brought acceptance and peace.

The vulnerable of someone approaching death, their apprehension, and their unwillingness to talk about it can be disconcerting for family members who not then know how to approach any of the realities of life at the moment. It appears that Spirit is quite important as this note I found somewhere online says:

The Spirit

A person’s spirituality is unique and personal.  Early in the dying process, the person may face issues such as examining:

• The meaning of life, hope, suffering and death
• Acceptance of ongoing losses and eventual death
• Grieving these losses
• Forgiving and being forgiven

It is not unusual for a dying person to speak in metaphors about dying, for example speaking about death in terms of travel or a journey, getting to the door, or finding the key. It is not uncommon to see a dying person calling or reaching out to a deceased family member or to a religious figure or speak of visits from or dreams about those who have died before them.  These accounts are usually comforting to the dying person. Rather than deny or correct, it is important to listen and accept what is being said.

A person dies at just the right moment whether it is alone or surrounded by others. Some individuals may seem to “hold off” or “bring ” the moment of death… that is, dying just after a close relative arrives from out-of-town or after an anticipated event such as a birthday occurs. Death may come when everyone steps out of the room momentarily; thus, sparing loved ones from the actual dying event. 

For  more reading on this topic, take a look here: Compassion and Support | End-of-Life and Palliative Care Planning, MOLST for New York State.

For other Cancer Diary posts, click HERE.

Blog editor's note: As a memorial to Carl, and simply because it is truly needed, MSI Press is now hosting a web page, Carl's Cancer Compendium, as a one-stop starting point for all things cancer, to make it easier for those with cancer to find answers to questions that can otherwise take hours to track down on the Internet and/or from professionals. The CCC is expanded and updated weekly. As part of this effort, each week, on Monday, this blog will carry an informative, cancer-related story -- and be open to guest posts: Cancer Diary. 

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