Daily Excerpt: How My Cat Made Me a Better Man (Feig) - Picking the Right Mate
This excerpt comes from How My Cat Made Me a Better Man by Jeremy Feig.
RELATIONSHIPS
Picking the right mate
The turtle had all the qualities Shelly
looked for in a mate: extreme softness, the perfect size, and the inability to
turn her down. I don't know if she was actively seeking a partner like that or
if she just found her Mr. Right. It can go either way.
Think about what you look for in a
woman (or in another guy, if that's your preference). A specific hair color? A
good heart? A giant rack? In a perfect world, you'd find someone who fits all
of your criteria. But it's not a perfect world, so you have to work with what's
available. Even if a chick doesn't match your dream combo of blonde, brainy,
and basketball fan, that doesn't mean she couldn't be the one for you.
Don't focus on the traits your perfect
woman must have. Your preconceived ideas are just those--ideas. If you're so
hung up on them that you can't settle for anything less, you'll probably end up
settling for no woman at all. So don't close the door on someone who doesn't
perfectly fit what you're looking for.
There are so many people with different
styles and experiences than you, so stay open-minded. That's especially
important when you make judgments based on a few traits instead of the whole
picture. Back when I was single and playing the online dating game, I crossed a
chick off my radar because one of her hobbies was riding motorcycles. Since I'm
no biker dude, I assumed we were too different and I never pursued her. It was
a snap judgment based on one small piece of information. Of course, if I met
the same girl in a bar and there was a spark between us, it wouldn't matter if
she owned three Harleys and a Kawasaki.
Realistic expectations are vital too.
The media is so oversaturated with hot actresses and supermodels that many guys
hold out for perfect 10s. Well, unless you've got perfectly chiseled abs and a
face like George Clooney, you won't end up with a 10. Heck, even an 8 might be
shooting too high. Be aware of your own strengths and weaknesses before
auto-eliminating 90% of your options.
Lots of my friends refuse to accept
that they probably won't bag the hottest chick in the room. It's crazy, because
they ignore all the regular women who are still attractive. But these guys have
blinders on. They're holding out for Mila Kunis or hotter (if anyone is hotter
than Mila Kunis). And sadly, they've been holding out for years. Don't be so
blinded by the idea of the perfect woman that you don't see the many imperfect
women right in front of you. Because imperfect can still be pretty great.
Think of the dating pool as an animal
shelter. And no, I don't mean women are animals (although in bed, this can be a
good thing). When you visit a shelter, you see lots of cats in cages. They're
all different but they each have something unique to offer. And they present
themselves in a variety of ways. One cat reaches her paw out to you, another
flutters her big eyes, another lays in a filthy litter box yet somehow still
looks adorable. How they approach this first meeting can show a lot about their
character and the way they live. And surprisingly enough, they can share some
traits with human females too. Check out this comparison:
Shelter Cat behavior compared to women's LIFESTYLES
|
SHELTER CAT BEHAVIOR |
WOMEN'S LIFESTYLE |
|
Bounces around cage excitedly |
Party girl |
|
Asleep |
Laidback |
|
Constantly grooms herself |
High maintenance |
|
Licks your hand |
Kinky |
|
Whines incessantly |
Needy |
|
Rolls all around |
Playful |
Of course, a shelter visit only gives
you a glimpse of a cat's personality. It doesn't show the full picture of who
she is. Only after you bring her home and spend time together can you see what
she's really about--and if she's the right cat for you.
It's the same thing on a first date.
Both you and your partner try to only show your best sides, hiding all your
faults. It's like playing poker, where you lay some cards on the table and keep
the rest hidden away.
You can't learn what a person is truly
like after one dinner and a mediocre romantic comedy. It takes time. And even
then, you've got to look for tells--signs that show whether you'd want to be in
a relationship with this person. Outdoor cats like to give their owners dead
mice and birds. While these gifts are unsanitary, it's the gesture that
matters. It shows that the cat cares. In the same way, a woman who hates
flowers will still love getting a bouquet, even if she drops it in the trash
right after your date.
Petting is another universal sign among
both cats and women. If a cat lets you pet her, it means she likes you. If you
and a woman have been heavy petting, it means...come on, do I really need to
spell this one out?
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Read more posts by and about Jeremy Feig HERE.
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