Caturday: Who’s in Charge Here? Controlling Cats in a House Where Cats Think They Are in Charge

 

Happy Cat, Bear, and Jack, well behaved and sharing a calm moment

Let’s be honest. Cats don’t really do obedience. They weren’t bred to fetch your slippers or roll over on command. In fact, if you live with cats—as I do, with a feline family of eight—you’ve probably figured out by now that they expect you to do the fetching. That said, even in a cat-run kingdom, someone has to keep the peace. That someone is usually me.

People sometimes ask, “Can you really control cats?” And my answer is: absolutely, yes—but not the way you’d control a dog. You can’t force cats, but you can teach them. You can set limits. You can build social expectations. And you can absolutely keep a lid on chaos without being a tyrant or turning into the Cat Nag.

Start with Names: Yes, They Can Learn Them

The first step is making sure every cat knows their name. Not just sort of knows it when treats are involved—really knows it. This means using the name consistently and always making it clear you're talking to that cat. Whether it's good news ("Toddy! Dinner!") or bad news ("Toddy, get out of the plant!"), the name always comes first.

Once they recognize their own name, you’ve got a basic channel of communication open. You can say, “Mittens, come here,” and she’ll probably come. If she doesn’t, I go get her and say it again while I do: “Mittens, come here. I called you.” It sounds silly, but it works. I reinforce the name every chance I get. “Memphis, here’s your food. Right here. Eat up.” Eventually, it sticks.

I also emphasize important words: food, walk, come, no. I pair them with specific tones. For instance:

• “Intrepid, come EAT” (excited, rising tone)

• “Memphis, wanna go for a WALK?” (playful, leash in hand)

• “Toddy… STOP.” (low, firm, no-nonsense tone)

They learn the tone and the word. My tone for “stop” is very specific. They know it means I’m serious.

Motions Speak Louder Than Words (Sometimes)

I use hand signals, too—each cat picks up on different ones. For example:

• I show the leash when it’s walk time (yes, some of my cats go for leash walks).

• I pat the couch or my lap when I want a snuggle companion.

• I hold up the food bowl and call, “Come and get it!”—most come running.

The gestures become personal over time. Some cats respond to a flick of the fingers. Others come when I drum my fingers on the floor or point to a bed. Patting a blanket spot works the way it does with kids—"Right here, come sit, let’s talk.” And yes, I do have conversations with my cats.

Stopping Bad Behavior—Without Starting a War

Now, let’s talk discipline.

First off, never get between two fighting cats with your bare hands. That’s the fastest way to become an accidental scratching post. I learned that the hard way, once. Only once.

Some people grab a broom. In my experience, that, too, is unwise. Sometimes, the fighting cats make a quick alliance and take on the broom (and its wielder).

Other people spray water. I personally hate the water bottle method. It feels messy, adversarial, and it turns you into the villain. Cats may stop what they’re doing—but they don’t forget. And they definitely remember who got them wet.

Instead, I’ve found a gentler but strangely effective method: a puff of air.

You know those canned air things people use to clean computer keyboards? Turns out, they sound like snakes. And cats hate snakes. So, when I have a real standoff—tension rising, tails flicking, someone about to make a bad decision, even an actual brawl (rare once a new cat has been integrated, but before then, it does happen)—I pick up the can, aim not at them but just nearby, and puff.

Instant silence. They scatter to the four corners like I’ve summoned a demon. One jumps into a cat tree cubby. Another vanishes under the bed. It works beautifully. And the best part? They don’t seem to connect it to me. They just think there’s a snake loose in the living room.

These days, I rarely even have to spray. I just pick up the can within their line of sight, and the behavior stops. It’s like the snake’s house has appeared. Message received.

Time-Outs Are Real

If someone is being extra naughty—trying to scratch the furniture, climb into the pantry, or antagonize another cat—I do have a “time-out” system. That might mean a short stay in the crate or a solo period of time on the catio while everyone else gets dinner. It’s not cruel. It’s a reset button. And yes, they get the message.

Harmony Is Learned

People who visit often comment on how peaceful our cat household is. That didn’t happen by accident. It came from deliberate effort—naming, teaching, signaling, listening, and enforcing just enough boundaries to keep everyone safe and sane.

Because here’s the truth: You don’t have to be a cat dictator. But you do have to be the grown-up in the room.

Your cats will still see you as staff. But if you do it right, you’ll be staff with authority. And that, indeed, is the sweet spot.

(From Raising Happy Cat Families by Luna Norwood, forthcoming)

Learn more about cats. See our many Caturday posts.

Be entertained. See all our posts about cats.

Be inspired. See posts by and about Sula, parish cat, and her books.

Have a chuckle. Read posts by and about Jeremy Feig's award-winning book (book of the year finalist, Kops-Fetherling Lagacy Award for Humor), How My Cat Made Me a Better Man.

Watch for Luna Norwood's forthcoming book, Raising Happy Cat Families.

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