Daily Excerpt: Since Sinai (Gonyou) - Chapter 1, 1
Book Excerpt from Since Sinai by Shannon Gonyou (currently in Amazon Top 100 Jewish biographies)
CHAPTER 1
“Life is a matter of choices, and
every choice you make makes you.” —John C. Maxwell
I told my husband
that I wanted to convert to Judaism on Christmas Eve. We were sitting in our
Chevy Impala in a grocery store parking lot in Ann Arbor, Michigan when I broached
the topic[BL1] .
We were living in Chicago at the time, but we had traveled back to Michigan for
the holidays. Christmas gifts for our family members were toppling over in the
back seat, and a tin box of snowman-shaped Christmas cookies from my mother-in-law
rested heavily on my lap. We had just picked up some ingredient that my mom had
forgotten to buy for Christmas Eve dinner, and we were supposed to be making a
quick trip back to our hotel room to change clothes before heading to the
celebration. I decided that during this quick ten-minute jaunt from a grocery
store to the Extended Stay Briarwood Mall, on the precipice of our family
Christmas celebration, that I would casually throw out the idea of becoming
Jewish.
I admit that the
timing was bad. As we navigated our way through the darkened parking lot,
snowflakes dancing above us, Travis adjusted the radio dial, and the sound of “The
First Noel” filled the car—not a great background track for the conversation we
were about to have. Travis glanced side to side and made a left-hand turn onto
the empty road. The drive was short, so I needed to speak quickly. I sat up
straight and cleared my throat.
“After this trip,”
I began, “I’d like to take a class back in Chicago. It starts in early
January.”
“What kind of
class?” Travis asked, already skeptical.
“I found a class
near us about Judaism,” I told him tentatively. “I’ve been curious about
Judaism for a long time, and I’d really like to go. I can go by myself, but I
thought it would be nice if we could explore it together—if you have time and
all.” I looked down at my hands and held my breath.
“Okay,” he
replied, running a gloved hand along the steering wheel, “I would be interested
in learning about Judaism. Our schedules are a little tight right now, though.
Maybe we can find a different time to take the class.”
“It’s not so much
a class,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “It is a class, but it’s also
more of a program for people who want to convert to Judaism.”
“We’re not
converting to Judaism.” He looked confused more than troubled.
“Well … we could.” I pointed out innocently, “If we
take the class.”
“Shannon!” Travis exclaimed,
“We are not converting to Judaism. Please tell me we’re not converting to
Judaism.” I let the silence speak for itself. I had no intention of forcing Travis
to convert, but my own mind was basically made up at this point. Travis is as
supportive a partner as possible, but throwing this kind of wrench into our
religious life was a big deal—and[BL2]
I had stalled for as long as I could to avoid having the hard conversation
ahead.
“Oh, my God!” was
all he said.
“I think the Jews
say Hashem[BL3] ,”
I joked lightly.
“Shannon…” he
repeated, already exhausted with the conversation. We had arrived back at the
hotel, and I hadn’t made much ground. Travis put the car in park, and we stared
at each other. The silence was thick and uncomfortable.
I understood his hesitation. The year had been long for both of us. The prior December, we had married and, two weeks later, had celebrated my law school graduation. After enjoying a long honeymoon, we moved into a new apartment in Chicago, and our married life took off at a sprint. I studied for the Illinois Bar Exam while coaching gymnastics at a local gym to earn spare income. After the Bar, I started a fellowship at the Cook County Public Guardian’s Office while still coaching on evenings and weekends.
Raised in a heavily Catholic suburb of Detroit, Michigan, Shannon grew up focusing on two things: how to do enough good deeds to get into heaven and how to stay pure enough to escape hell. In college, she followed many of her peers into an Evangelical church known for guitars, drum, religious-based shame, and the idea that without Jesus she was nothing.
But when she encountered Judaism on that same campus, a spark ignited within her and refused to be put out. Judaism felt obvious, familiar. After a falling out with her biological mother and two miscarriages, she found the courage to send the most important email of her life: she asked the local Jews by Choice program to accept her as a student.
Honest and unflinching, Shannon's story of coming home to Judaism encourages everyone-- Christian, atheist, Jewish, and anything in between-- to search relentlessly for the place where they belong.
Keywords
Jewish conversion story, Judaism for converts, Leaving Evangelical Christianity, Faith journey memoir, Religious identity, Interfaith experiences, Deconstructing Christianity, Finding spiritual belonging, Miscarriage and faith, Healing from religious shame, Jews by Choice, Catholic upbringing. Spiritual transformation, Women and faith, Religious trauma recovery, Personal journey to Judaism., Faith after loss, Spiritual resilience, Deconstructing Evangelical beliefs, Rediscovering faith
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