Daily Excerpt: Since Sinai (Gonyou), Chapter 1, 3
Book Excerpt from Since Sinai by Shannon Gonyou (currently in Amazon Top 100 Jewish biographies)
CHAPTER 1 (continued from May 10, 2025)
It felt like
Catholicism had been arbitrarily assigned to me when I was born into a Catholic
family and baptized before I could hold my own head up. Of the many places to
find a connection to spirituality, Judaism was the one that consistently tugged
at me. I insisted that if spirituality were an open field, Catholicism would
reflect being forced to sit on the outskirts of the field in an uncomfortable
lawn chair. I reminded Travis that the last time that we had attended a charismatic
Catholic Church in search of a more upbeat service, the priest spent half an
hour railing against gay marriage while Travis balled up his fists and turned
red in the face. I appreciated that the Church was generally open to doubters
and questioners, but it had moved beyond friendly disagreement. I had to leave,
and I was going to leave for Judaism.
“Plus, honestly,”
I finished, “I have no idea what you believe about God or Jesus or saints or
the Bible. We go to Mass and talk about being good people, but though we have been
together for years, I have no idea what you actually think about Church
doctrine. That makes me feel like maybe we’re in this thing for the wrong
reasons. Out of habit or something. I don’t know. I don’t want to speak for
you, but maybe you have doubts, too.” I gave Travis some time to digest
everything I had said.
I could tell that
he was grinding his teeth. He looked tired.
“I don’t
disagree,” he said finally, “But I don’t know if I’m ready to confront that by
becoming Jewish right now.”
This was more
headway than I thought I’d make. It sounded like his objections were based on
how difficult the journey to conversion would be rather than his attachment to
Christian theology. That gave me some hope that we might be able to make this a
family project.
“Like I said, I
keep going back to the Jews-by-Choice program webpage and scrolling through it
longingly,” I explained sheepishly. “There will never be a good time for this
type of undertaking. There will always be work, travel, kids, or another barrier
in the way. There is no time like the present, as they say.”
“I’m worried that
we won’t fit in,” he said finally.
“I think it’s bound
to feel like that for the first generation of converts,” I countered. “Our
child won’t have to be a convert, though. Our child can be raised Jewish. Our
great-great-grandchildren might not even remember that we converted.”
“I’m not worried
about our great-great-grandchildren,” he said dismissively. “But I do want to
pick the right religion for our children.”
I could see the
gears turning now. Kids weren’t a theoretical future construct to us. Travis
and I were actively trying to get pregnant. I had stocked up on prenatal
vitamins and found an app to track my ovulation. I was nothing if not organized
about the endeavor. We both desperately wanted to avoid bringing a child into a
religion not right for our family.
“Judaism can be
our family’s religion,” I said, “Something that we can learn and pass down. It
will be hard in the beginning, but we can do it.”
“It’s a beautiful religion, and I have a lot
of respect for it,” Travis said thoughtfully, “But Jews have their own history
as a people. It’s more than a religion. I have never met someone who woke up
and decided to become Jewish.”
“What about Cindy
on Orange is the New Black?” I asked.
“Really?” he asked
incredulously.
“Yes!” I
exclaimed. “Cindy only had one rabbi on her beit
din instead[BL1]
of three. She immersed herself in a lake with no rabbinical supervision, but
you had to have gotten the point.” (A beit
din is a religious court, and most, but not all, denominations of Judaism
require a court of three rabbis to approve a conversion. Cindy’s conversion was
unconventional but memorable as far as pop-culture references go.)
“I don’t know any real
people who have converted,” he clarified, not feeling swayed by my Netflix
reference.
“We can do it,” I
repeated. “I’ve read all about it. You convert to Judaism by studying for a
long time under the guidance of a rabbi, and then you sit for a beit din where three rabbis engage you
in conversation about the sincerity of your conversion. Then you pick a Hebrew
name, immerse yourself thrice in some water, and you emerge as Jewish as
Abraham and Sarah themselves.”
“Fine. We could do
it. But why?” For Travis, the why was
just as pressing as the how.
It surprises no
one that I am constantly asked why I
converted. Why did you convert to Judaism, an ancient non-evangelizing
tradition often known for questioning the sincerity of converts long after the
conversion process is complete? Why did you join a perpetually persecuted
branch of the Abrahamic religions when that religion did absolutely nothing to
seek you out? Why did you throw away your chance to be in the national and
global majority solely because the Jesus story doesn’t add up for you? I understand
the urge to question converts. I do. But the answers to these questions are
extremely personal and not prone to quick response. I usually end up mumbling
something about “just wanting to” and changing the topic.
In my eyes, the
lucky Jews convert for marriage. It’s a perfectly sensible excuse to become a
Jew without anyone batting an eye. Telling someone that you converted for a
spouse in the name of family unity is not particularly remarkable. It’s a neat
and simple explanation. In fact, I sometimes lie and tell strangers or
co-workers that I converted for marriage when they ask. It’s not because I’m a
serial fibber but because having to repeatedly re-hash a major life decision is
far more emotionally exhausting than saying yes when asked if I converted for
my husband.
Other Jews convert
because they take a DNA test that indicates they may have Ashkenazi or Sephardi
ancestry. Excited about this newfound revelation, the previously non-Jewish
person starts to study the Jewish faith and decides to convert formally.
Unfortunately, 23&Me awarded me less than 1% Jewish ancestry and promptly
deleted it months later when the system ascertained that I was more likely
Iberian. Wonderful. Travis’s family was Italian Catholic and French Catholic as
far back as the family tree would go.
Simply: I converted only because I wanted to. There are a number of good explanations for why I might want to be Jewish. The most obvious is that the Jewish teachings struck me as good and true. Not true in the sense that I think Noah’s Ark really sailed the seas thousands of years ago but true in the sense that they carry a lot of practical wisdom for day-to-day living in the modern world. Life presents us with challenges and questions, and Judaism provides answers and guidance that resonate with the wisest and most discerning part of my soul. But acknowledging that Jewish teachings are wise is probably not enough on its own to inspire people to undergo the rigorous process of converting. I longed to offer Travis—and everyone else for that matter—a digestible justification for my choice to convert.
Raised in a heavily Catholic suburb of Detroit, Michigan, Shannon grew up focusing on two things: how to do enough good deeds to get into heaven and how to stay pure enough to escape hell. In college, she followed many of her peers into an Evangelical church known for guitars, drum, religious-based shame, and the idea that without Jesus she was nothing.
But when she encountered Judaism on that same campus, a spark ignited within her and refused to be put out. Judaism felt obvious, familiar. After a falling out with her biological mother and two miscarriages, she found the courage to send the most important email of her life: she asked the local Jews by Choice program to accept her as a student.
Honest and unflinching, Shannon's story of coming home to Judaism encourages everyone-- Christian, atheist, Jewish, and anything in between-- to search relentlessly for the place where they belong.
Keywords
Jewish conversion story, Judaism for converts, Leaving Evangelical Christianity, Faith journey memoir, Religious identity, Interfaith experiences, Deconstructing Christianity, Finding spiritual belonging, Miscarriage and faith, Healing from religious shame, Jews by Choice, Catholic upbringing. Spiritual transformation, Women and faith, Religious trauma recovery, Personal journey to Judaism., Faith after loss, Spiritual resilience, Deconstructing Evangelical beliefs, Rediscovering faith
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