From Lollipops to Leadership: A Woman’s Story from the Vietnam-Era Army (a story for National Military Appreciation Month)
May is National Military Appreciation Month—a time to thank those who serve and have served. For many Americans, it's a reminder of sacrifice, duty, and national pride. For those of us who wore the uniform, it runs much deeper. It’s a time to remember the moments that shaped us—not only the mission, but the camaraderie, the challenges, and the enduring bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood.
I served in the U.S. Army during the Vietnam War era, when women in uniform were few and far between—especially officers. I enlisted but was quickly selected to appear before a Board to be considered for a direct commission. That Board was almost entirely male—mostly captains, a rank I came to see as a tough one: just enough time in to develop a sense of authority but still navigating their own path up or out. There was one woman on the Board. I stood before them visibly pregnant, and that was no small thing.
I may well have been the first woman to stay in the military while pregnant, since I conceived almost immediately after the rules changed—until then, pregnancy was grounds for automatic discharge. The situation clearly rattled one captain in particular. He fixated on my gender and family life, barely touching on anything related to leadership. Finally, he asked, “I understand that your husband can care for your dependent children, but how will you handle your military duties and family responsibilities if your husband dies?”
That was the last straw. I looked him squarely in the eye and said, “Based on your questions at this Board, I have to believe that I will handle them a lot better if my husband dies than you will if your wife dies.”
When I got back, I told TOP that I’d probably blown the interview. He just smiled and said, “Well, you might be surprised.” I was. When the results came in, I had received a perfect score.
There were lighter moments, too. Like the time I had lunch with my husband and daughter before heading to meet with a senior officer—a colonel. After our meeting, I stood, saluted, and began to leave when he stopped me and asked, “Excuse me, do you have a child?” I said, “Yes, a daughter. Why do you ask?” He pointed: “Because she left a lollipop on the back of your skirt.”
Beyond all that—the boards, the salutes, the get-ready-for-war drills—what I hold dearest are my military buddies. To this day, if I call, they are ready to help; if they show up on my doorstep, I am ready to help. No hesitation. No questions. We still have each other’s backs.
So while Military Appreciation Month is a time for the country to express gratitude to those who served, for those of us who did, it’s a moment to reflect on something deeper: the unshakable bond of shared experience, loyalty, and love. We were there for each other then. We still are now. And that, more than anything, is what I will always appreciate.
For more military appreciation posts, click HERE.
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