Precerpt from Raising Happy Cat Families (Norwood) - The Would-Be-Only Cat
The Would-Be-Only Cat in a Multi-Cat Household
Some cats clearly—or subtly—present as preferring to be the one and only. Sometimes it's fear. Sometimes it's jealousy. Sometimes it’s both. These cats may coexist with others, but their emotional well-being and overall health often show the cost of that compromise. It can be difficult to differentiate between cats who are genuinely frightened of others and those who simply don’t want to share the attention of their beloved human. Either way, their needs are different from those of cats who seek feline company.
Wooper is a classic example. We adopted her from our veterinarian’s office, where she had lived for a while after being rescued by the vet’s neighbor—found as a tiny, abandoned kitten in the grass. She was sassy with the clinic staff, which we took as a promising sign that she might handle the dynamics of a multi-cat household. At the time, we had two boys and one girl, and we hoped she might bring a balance to the group.
But Wooper never really integrated in the way we imagined. She didn’t fall into a comfortable role among the others, and certainly not as a “second girl.” She had no real bond with Simone, our other female cat. They are not enemies—they simply coexist. Their occasional interactions are cordial but never affectionate, and they mostly keep to themselves.
Wooper did, however, bond closely with Intrepid, a bold and sassy male who seemed to match her temperament. She imprinted on him early and picked up many of his confident—and at times, overtly male—behaviors. She held her own with the others and could be surprisingly assertive, even rough. But when Intrepid died of cancer, something fundamental in Wooper changed. She seemed lost, disoriented, and—perhaps for the first time—truly alone.
Since then, she has shown clear signs that sharing space with other cats is difficult for her. When she’s required to cohabitate with the full group—during renovations, spraying, or emergencies—she hides beneath any solid piece of furniture backed against the wall. She curls into the smallest possible version of herself. She won’t eat in this state, and on one occasion, lost noticeable weight in just a few days. She's already a thin cat, so this kind of stress is dangerous.
At the same time, Wooper craves human connection. She regularly comes seeking massages and affection. In a different life, she would probably thrive as a pampered only cat. But she is deeply bonded to us, so we do our best to carve out daily “only-cat time” just for her—quiet sessions without the presence of other cats, where she can be the center of someone's universe, even if only briefly.
Tissou, on the other hand, was an only cat for most of her life. She lived ten years as the deeply cherished companion of a veterinarian—accompanying him everywhere, sleeping beside him, part of his everyday life. When he died unexpectedly, his wife—unable to cope with Tissou’s grief or her needs—put her in the barn. For months, she cried loudly, wandering through the rafters and corners of the barn, until we learned her story and took her in.
She has settled with us, and she is clearly attached to me. She follows me from room to room and is generous with head butts, purrs, and demands for affection. But sharing me with the rest of the cat household is foreign to her. It is not something she wants, but it is something she has adapted to. Still, I can see it: she remembers what it was like to have her own person, and nothing else has quite measured up since.
Supporting the Would-Be-Only Cat
For cats like Wooper and Tissou, living in a multi-cat household means living in a world that rarely fits their needs. But there are ways to help them feel more secure and valued.
1. Create one-on-one time. Make time every day for exclusive attention. This could be a cuddle session on the bed, grooming with a soft brush, or simply talking to them while they lie beside you. Regular solo engagement helps offset their social stress.
2. Provide personal territory. Identify a few spaces in your home where the other cats are unlikely to go and designate those as sanctuaries. Elevated spots, warm hideaways, or corners with a line of sight to the room but not in the middle of activity can be ideal.
3. Respect their hiding instincts. Don’t coax them out of their safe spots unless medically necessary. Let them retreat and recharge as needed.
4. Use scent and routine. Cats are comforted by familiarity. Use your scent (worn clothing, a blanket you’ve used) in their favorite spot, and keep their feeding and affection routines predictable.
5. Watch for signs of stress. Weight loss, overgrooming, diarrhea, and irritability are all signs that your would-be-only cat is not coping well. These are not behavioral issues—they’re distress signals.
6. In rare cases, consider rehoming. If a would-be-only cat is not bonded to the humans in the house and shows ongoing, severe distress despite adjustments, rehoming may be the kindest option—but only if the new home will genuinely meet the cat's emotional and physical needs. For Wooper and Tissou, this is not an option we would consider; they are too closely bonded with us. For others, though, a new beginning might offer peace they can’t find in a crowd.
7. Accept who they are. Not every cat will be a social butterfly. Some are introverts. Some are solitary. Some are grieving a life they once had. They don’t need to change to fit your idea of a happy cat household. Your job is to help them live their own version of contentment.
Precerpt comes from Luna Norwood's book, Raising Happy Cat Families, now available on pre-order.
Book Description
Think you can’t herd cats? Think again.
In this heartwarming and practical guide, Luna Norwood draws on years of hands-on experience integrating feral, rescued, shy, aggressive, and fearful cats into large, peaceful feline families. Raising Happy Cat Families challenges the myth that cats are solitary and aloof, showing instead how—with patience, compassion, and "whisker wisdom"—even the most unlikely cats can bond with each other and with you.
From building trust with traumatized cats to managing social hierarchies and facilitating peaceful cohabitation, Norwood offers real-life stories, tried-and-true techniques, and gentle humor. Whether you’re introducing a new kitten to your current household or helping an older rescue feel at home, this book will help you turn your collection of cats into a loving, cohesive family.
Perfect for:
– Cat lovers
– Rescuers and fosterers
– Multi-cat households
– Anyone who’s ever wondered, “Can my cats really get along?”
Yes, they can. And this book shows you how.
Keywords:
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