The Difficulty and Healing Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is often described as a gift—but rarely as a struggle. And yet, for many, it is both. It asks us to confront pain, to release resentment, and to choose peace over righteousness. It is not a single act, but a process. Not a surrender, but a reclamation.
🧠Why Forgiveness Is So Hard
Psychologists like Robert Enright and Frederic Luskin describe forgiveness as a multi-phase journey:
- Uncovering the Hurt: Naming the pain and acknowledging its impact.
- Deciding to Forgive: A conscious choice, often made before emotions catch up.
- Working Toward Understanding: Exploring the offender’s humanity—not to excuse, but to contextualize.
- Finding Meaning: Reframing the experience in a way that fosters growth.
Neuroscience shows that holding onto resentment keeps the body in a low-grade fight-or-flight state. Forgiveness, by contrast, activates brain regions linked to empathy and emotional regulation. It’s not just emotional—it’s physiological.
🌿 What Forgiveness Is Not
Forgiveness is often misunderstood. It is not:
- Forgetting or minimizing the harm
- Reconciliation with someone who remains unsafe
- A moral obligation imposed from outside
Instead, it is an internal shift—a way of releasing the emotional grip that pain has on our lives. As Desmond Tutu wrote, “Forgiveness is not forgetting. It’s remembering—and letting go of the pain.”
💬 A Therapeutic Lens
In Healing from Incest, Geri Henderson and Seanne Emerton explore forgiveness not as a requirement, but as a possibility. Their conversations reveal:
- The importance of emotional safety before forgiveness is even considered
- The role of grief in making space for compassion
- The slow, sacred timing of forgiveness—when it arises organically, not forcefully
Forgiveness, in this context, becomes a healing act of agency. It is not about absolving the past, but about reclaiming the present.
🌈 A Path Forward
If you are struggling with forgiveness, consider these gentle steps:
- Write a letter you never send—to name the hurt and release it
- Practice mindfulness—to observe emotions without judgment
- Set boundaries—to protect your healing while honoring your growth
- Reflect on your own capacity for change—as a mirror for others
Forgiveness is not a finish line. It is a path. And every step you take—however small—is a movement toward freedom.
This post was inspired by Healing from Incest by Geri Henderson and Seanne Emerton.
Book description:
In speaking about Healing from Incest, Susan J. Lewis, Ph.D., J.D., writes: "Brave, profound, touching, healing. This well-written, honest book takes the reader inside the complexities of the therapeutic healing process from the patient and therapist's unique perspective. It is the story of hard work, hope, commitment and recovery!" Healing from Incest tells the journey of a victim-turned-survivor, working with her therapist to find healing. Readers are pulled into the therapeutic process as Henderson relates her conversations and feelings as a victim of child abuse and Emerton interprets those feelings and describes interventions. For those who recognize this as their own story, this frank and genuine narrative will be reassuring in its descriptions of one woman's journey toward hope and healing. About the front cover: kintsukuroi(n.) (v. phr.) "to repair with gold"; the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.
Keywords:
Healing from incest; Surviving childhood sexual abuse; Child abuse recovery; Incest survivor story; Therapeutic healing from trauma; Sexual abuse therapy journey; Kintsukuroi healing metaphor; Overcoming childhood trauma; Child abuse memoir; Sexual abuse survivor; Trauma recovery process; Therapy for sexual abuse victims; Healing through therapy; Hope after abuse; Emotional healing and resilience; Abuse survival and empowerment; Mental health and trauma recovery; Inner strength after abuse; How to heal from childhood sexual abuse; Personal stories of incest survival and healing; Therapeutic approaches to trauma recovery; Finding hope after incest and child abuse; The journey from victim to survivor; The role of therapy in healing from sexual abuse; Self-help: Abuse; Memoir: Trauma & Recovery; Psychology: Mental Health; Women’s Studies / Gender Studies
Amazon customers say:
Customers find this book to be a unique addition to the literature on healing from incest, appreciating its honest approach. The writing quality receives positive feedback, with one customer noting the author's eloquent style.
Finalist, Book of the Year Award
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