Loving Them Fiercely, Liking Them Less: The Honest Terrain of Sibling Dynamics
Sibling conflict has a way of igniting something primal in us. The bickering, the tattling, the relentless one-upmanship—it can feel like living inside a reality show with no commercial breaks. And when the behavior turns mean-spirited or manipulative, it’s not just frustrating. It’s heartbreaking.
Because we know who they are underneath it all. We’ve seen their tenderness, their creativity, their capacity for joy. We’ve held them through fevers and nightmares. We’ve watched them share snacks with stray cats and cry over broken toys. We know they’re good. But in those moments of cruelty or chaos, it’s hard to reconcile that goodness with the behavior in front of us.
And here’s the kicker: when they treat each other poorly, it can feel personal. As if their sibling’s pain is our pain. As if their choices reflect on our parenting, our values, our hopes. We want them to be kind. We want them to be safe with each other. We want peace in the house. And when that peace is shattered, it’s easy to feel defeated.
But here’s what I’ve learned, and what I remind myself often: frustration doesn’t cancel love. Disappointment doesn’t erase devotion. And not liking someone’s behavior—even intensely—doesn’t mean we’ve failed them or stopped loving them.
It means we’re human. It means we care.
Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to name the behavior, set the boundary, and take a breath. To say, “I love you, but I don’t like how you’re treating your sibling right now.” To model accountability without shame. To let them know that love is sturdy enough to hold truth.
And sometimes, it means stepping away for a moment. Letting the storm pass. Reclaiming our own calm so we can offer it back to them.
Parenting isn’t a constant state of affection. It’s a long arc of stewardship, where love shows up in discipline, in forgiveness, in the quiet work of helping our children grow into people we not only love—but genuinely enjoy.
And on the days when enjoyment feels far away, it’s okay to admit it. It’s okay to feel it. It’s okay to say, “Today was hard.” Because naming the hard parts makes room for grace. And grace, like love, is what gets us through.
This post was inspired by the book, I Love My Kids, But I Don't Always Like Them.
Book Description:
Selected as Independent Authors' Network Book of the Year as the Outstanding Parenting Book and winner of the Literary Titan Gold Award, I Love My Kids, But I Don't Always Like Them, is the ultimate survival guide for parents living through one of the strangest times in history. This " how to guide" will support you even if you are exhausted and burnt out in improving your child(ren)'s behavior. Written by an expert with 20 years of experience in behavioral observation in the classroom, in overnight camp, and more. Franki's storyteller cadence helps the book to read as if it's a casual conversation and pep talk between two parents over coffee. Franki is raw, authentic, and honest about her own "mom fails" and what she has learned in her own little lab school, as she raises her three children.
Franki is a parenting expert in her own right with a Masters in Special Education and most of a Masters in Clinical Social Work (pandemic purchase!) at the time she wrote this book. However, you will hear no judgement in this author's advice as she lays out methods to help parents with all types of struggles from anxiety, ADHD and sensory difficulties, to raising siblings with competing needs, to learning when to let go and when to reach out to a professional.
Does your child struggle with age expected tasks and have difficulty socially, trouble focusing, managing school, listening to directions or with sibling relations? Is your family struggling because one of your children seems to consume all your parental energy? Are you overwhelmed when your child misbehaves (again)! This book was written to support all parents. Each chapter concludes with key points, in case you read in 5 minute increments between webinars and school pick up lines. Short, insightful, and funny! Because after all, parenting can be funny!
Amazon Customers say (summary of reviews), 4.8 stars, 71 reviews
Customers find the book valuable for parenting advice, with one noting its practical insights from a seasoned educator. Moreover, the book is easy to read, with one customer mentioning it reads like a friend is talking to you. Additionally, customers appreciate its humor, with one noting it makes them laugh out loud, and they value its personal and humble approach.
For more posts by and about this book and its author, Franki Bagdade click HERE.
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