Daily Excerpt: Seeking Balance in an Unbalanced Time (Greenebaum) - Doing for Others: What I Can Do with the Cards I Have Been Dealt
Excerpt from Seeking Balance in an Unbalanced Time:
I love and salute [my wonderful] dedicated friends [who do many things of value for others]. However, the
truth of it is, I don’t hold the same cards they do. I’m seventy-two, with a
heart condition (I’ve had triple bypass surgery) and have just come off my
third (successful!) battle with cancer. I don’t have a lot of energy right now.
On top of that, I have arthritis in both my hands that severely limits what I
can do. As an example, my driving is limited, and while I used to help out at
the food bank, that’s off the table as well. But what I truly want to stress is
that what is important is not what I can’t do, but what I can. I love my
friends. I admire my friends, and all my brothers and sisters in my home city,
as well as my state, as well as my country, as well as my planet, who are able
to do so many things that I can’t and are doing them! Still, I have no
interest in spending time regretting what I can’t do. The question is always,
what can I do?
For one
thing, I can write with a modest amount of coherence. So, I can write this
book, all royalties for which will go to charity.
What else can I do? I’m retired,
widowed, and without children – so my financial needs are not huge. I can and
do make continuing contributions to charities that are particularly stressed in
this time of need – with most of those contributions going to local, state, and
worldwide food and health organizations (as examples: the “Nourishing Network”,
my local school district’s lunch program while school is no longer in session;
“Northwest Harvest” which works to provide food for people in Washington; and
“Doctors Without Borders” which works worldwide to deal with health issues, be
they food, medical or other). This I can do.
More than that, at my age I’ve met
a lot of people. I have a pretty extensive phonebook. I can call people I know,
even if I haven’t spoken to them in a while (or even a long while!) and
catch up. A lot of us are feeling intensely isolated. A phone call is a
wonderful way to reach out. And even though I’m pretty much of an introvert, I
can pick up the flaming phone and call people. That I can do.
One thing I’ve learned that I’d
like to pass along is that if we truly ask how someone is, if we’re truly
interested in how they are doing, they will tell us. I’ve had hour-long
conversations with folks where I’ve mostly listened.
A quick
sharing of an observation. Our culture spends very little time teaching us how
to listen. Much too often, it seems that we tend to think of conversations as a
game of ping-pong. You whack the ball to my side. I whack it back to yours. Then
you whack it back to mine. This can make for a good match, but I’m not
convinced that it makes for a good conversation. As a simple example, let’s
imagine you say “I saw a movie last night. Son
of X.” If my reply is, “I didn’t have a chance to watch a movie last night.
I was too busy.” then the ping-pong match is on. But let’s imagine that instead
I say, “Son of X. I don’t think I know
that film. Did you like it? Tell me about it.” Now, instead of a ping-pong
match, we actually have at least the beginning of a conversation. All this to
suggest not only that we call people, but that we truly reach out to folks and
have conversations. And for me, the foundation of a good conversation is
listening.
These are
things that I can do. They happen to be the cards I have. I’m offering them
simply as examples. What’s important is for each of us to examine our own cards
and then act to play those cards in the most positive way we can.
For most posts about Seeking Balance, click HERE.
For more posts about Steven Greenebaum, click HERE.
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