Daily Excerpt: Women, We're Only Old Once (Cooper) - Growing Old in a Culture of Denial
Today's book excerpt comes from the award-winning book, Women, We're Only Old Once by Bertha Cooper --
Growing Old in a Culture of Denial
As I
began my journey of discovery into what being an older woman might mean in
America, I learned that I wasn’t the only one who had questions and fears, nor
was I the only one who craved conversation about aging well but didn’t know how
to begin it. Most of us are at least curious about the experience of others and
how it compares to ours. Yet, inexplicably we women, even those of us who tend
to overshare, don’t always engage in substantial discussions about what it
means to grow old and how to do it with dignity and self-kindness. We live in a
culture in the United States that celebrates youth and hopes to postpone aging
as long as possible. As women, we’ve all experienced the message throughout our
lives that to be socially acceptable and desirable it’s necessary to be
beautiful as in slender but curvaceous, with unlined, made-up faces, and
gleaming hair. We have been expected, no matter what our age or ethnicity, to
conform to standards of beauty and to spare no expense in achieving that level
of conventional loveliness. There is always a product or program to help.
Even
though in the past 40-plus years many women, from feminists to African-American
activists, have challenged the stereotypes of female beauty and succeeded in
enlarging our vision of the many ways a woman can be both attractive and
interesting, barriers remain. The most attractive of women eventually will grow
old and look it despite all the creams and treatments in the world.
With the rise of women in politics, the arts, and the business world, we now have more role models of women who are celebrated for their achievements and talents as well as for having interesting, lived-in faces. One only has to think of Hillary Clinton, Toni Morrison, Madeline Albright, Cicely Tyson, Helen Mirren, Judy Dench, Janet Yellen, Barbara Streisand, and a host of lesser-known women to realize that we live in a world where the voices of older women are increasingly heard and age is not a barrier.
On the other hand, most of us are not Nobel Prize winners, movie stars, singers, or past Secretaries of State and presidential candidates. We live ordinary lives in a world where women, especially older women, are still too often sidelined and treated as invisible. No wonder many of us buy creams and cosmetics, dye our hair, and deny that we are getting older. We contribute to the billion-dollar industries promising youth through anti-aging products and services. We live in the world of America that worships the beauty and vitality of youth and completely misses the beauty and vitality of aging.
We who
are aging or aged must contend with the forces of perception played out in the
market that tells us aging is a bad thing and to be avoided at all costs. After
all, what could be good about aching bones, sagging bodies, low energy, and
difficulty sleeping? Since I have worked with and often adored some of our
oldest people, I know that isn’t all there is. In addition to the wisdom of
years, older people have a certain beauty. One of the most beautiful women I
knew spent her day dressed and sitting by the door of the nursing home. She
made herself the official greeter for this “hotel.” No one entered without
being warmed by her wide smile and brilliant eyes that twinkled at her own
mischievous undertaking.
Pretending to be anything but what we are makes little sense even if the idea of age pride has yet to catch on despite the efforts of the Gray Panthers and AARP. In fact, being and accepting what you are may be the finest gift of aging you can give yourself. No doubt it is the finest gift we can give to generations of women following us. We just need to remember “we’re only old once” and the best plan is to make the most of it just like we would of childhood, youth, or middle age. Be old and wise,
Phoenix Award (Kops-Fetherling International Book Awards):
"Best New Voice in Health & Fitness"
Best Indie Book Award
Independent Press Award
For more posts about Bertha and her books, click HERE.
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