Daily Excerpt: A Movie Lover's Search for Romance (Charnas) - Introduction
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Excerpt from A Mo vie Lover's Search for Romance -
INTRODUCTION
This book recalls
my search for love in my forties and fifties. For several years after my
divorce at forty-one, my love life was slim to none. I focused on my career,
buying my first home, and settling into it. I dated sporadically, but none of
the men I went out with were particularly memorable. I didn’t care. My love
life wasn’t my priority. I went to work and to the movies, and I was fine. Then,
I saw The Pianist in late 2002, and
the performance of Adrian Brody as the main character awakened something in me.
My crazy post-divorce, romantic life began with that film.
Movies and men became
the focus of my wild middle-age dating life. Initially, I fell sway to three
ridiculous crushes: first, Adrien Brody; next, my father’s friend, twenty-five
years my senior; and finally, my Adonis-like washing machine repairman. As I
pondered these crushes, they reminded me of scenes and characters from the
thousands of movies I’d watched obsessively since starting high school. The
movies provided a frame of reference for the jumble of emotions and events I
experienced.
Then, after a three-year,
post-divorce dry spell, my love life suddenly and inexplicably took off. I
dated a spectacular array of romantic prospects, including an Orthodox Jew, a
recent Iranian immigrant, a severely disabled man, and a man sixteen years
younger than me who badly wanted in my pants. I opened myself to any reasonable
option, trying to understand what I wanted from a partner. I looked to the
movies for guidance and succor with each new adventure. Cinema was my touchstone, and, unlike men,
movies rarely let me down.
As months passed,
I reflected on larger issues: whether to remain friends with romantic rejects,
how I felt about television advertisements for erectile dysfunction medications
shown during the dinner hour, and the world of all matters kinky. I considered
my previous experiences with these issues and reviewed cinematic references, such
as 1978’s Coming Home, a film that
depicts the complications of relationships, sex, and paraplegia. Afterward, I
resolved not to befriend my ex-boyfriends, to be open to sexual adventure, and
to live in hope that the networks would stop running ads for ED medications at
six o’clock.
After dating
enough eager men to populate a baseball lineup, I consider the effects of my
newly slimmed body and recently discovered hotness, as well as the downfall of
being smart and verbal in the dating world.
As I drew closer
to finding a mate, the vicissitudes of dating became increasingly wearing. I once
found myself crying for days when a second date didn’t transpire. At times, I
thought I’d lost my mind. While still referring to movies and taking comfort
and guidance from them, their ability to soothe me waned.
Then I met Simon.
He was everything I wanted and more, until he wasn’t. After five years, our
relationship ended. Once again—now at age fifty—I renewed my search for love
with confidence and movies to guide me.
After I broke up
with Simon, I needed a hiatus from dating. But a year after we parted, my
romantic life exploded again. I felt I was in some throwback to adolescence
although, as one friend observed, adolescent dating never looked like my adult
love life. I thought back to my dating experiences after my divorce and culled
whatever wisdom I could from them. I repeated some old mistakes, made new ones,
and continued to learn what I wanted from romance, always looking to the movies
for references and solace, my lifelong habit.
I hope this book’s readers will relate to my experiences and find comfort knowing they are not alone in their quest for love. I also hope they unders
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tand that art, in film or
in myriad other forms, can provide a touchstone and comfort. My wish is that
readers will laugh along with me as they share in my adventures, successes, and
lessons learned.
Read more posts about Joanna and her books HERE.
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