Daily Excerpt: Lessons of Labor (Aziz): Competence and Ease


Excerpt from Lessons of Labor: One Woman's Self-Discovery through Birth (Aziz) -


COMPETENCE AND EASE

 

I started mentally repeating a request to my unborn daughter: “Just hold on until the midwife gets here, and then you can come right out.” The pain of pushing, that now familiar ring of fire, barely registered in my brain. I was only focused on holding my baby in until professional help arrived. I didn’t fight or try to control the pushing, but I didn’t help it along. I just took shallow, panting breaths, let my body do its work, and asked my baby to come slowly.

 

Just a few minutes later, at 11:30 p.m., my midwife walked in the open door. She came straight over to me, crouched down, and caught my baby as she slipped easily out of my body.

 

Committing to the moment, I can discover competence and ease.

 

Do you know the feeling of being in the zone, when everything seems to fall into place with little or no effort? The freedom of living life in a state of flow is like no other I have known. While I may never achieve a level of mastery over parenthood, I do have moments of easy competence. I can look around and see that we are all doing pretty well.

 

Some Wednesday night last year, I was feeling a little dispirited and fatigued after a long day of work and parenting. While not an unusual scenario, this one stands out. On this particular Wednesday night, I impulsively decided to go to a free-form dance gathering that happens regularly in Austin. The idea came to me late, as it was already close to 9 p.m. and the music would end by 10 p.m. I hurried to get dressed and ran into my oldest son, who was having trouble sleeping. On a whim, I asked him if he wanted to come with me. “Yes!” he shouted, tearing off his pajamas and putting his clothes back on in under a minute. He knew full well how unusual an opportunity he had been given. A post-bedtime outing without his brother and sister was rare.

 

We hopped into the car and arrived at the studio, happily surprised by the half-price late-entrance fee. We entered the dance space where a diverse group of very expressive adults were dancing wildly in total silence except for the music. My son jumped right in. He leaped, he ran, he spun, he salsa-ed. Sometimes, I danced with him, following his lead as we zoomed in and out and made figure eights around all the other dancers. Sometimes, we danced separately, each finding our own rhythm. It was pure joy to express myself alongside my son. I loved the movement, the freedom, and the playful connection with him. We were in the zone, together. When we came home, he gave me a big hug of gratitude and went straight to bed. It was easy.

 

I remember this night clearly because it represents the magic that can unfold when I relax into an easy competence with my children and give in to the dance.

 

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