Daily Excerpt: Lessons of Labor (Aziz): Competence and Ease
Excerpt from Lessons of Labor: One Woman's Self-Discovery through Birth (Aziz) -
COMPETENCE AND EASE
I started mentally repeating a
request to my unborn daughter: “Just hold on until the midwife gets here, and
then you can come right out.” The pain of pushing, that now familiar ring of
fire, barely registered in my brain. I was only focused on holding my baby in
until professional help arrived. I didn’t fight or try to control the pushing,
but I didn’t help it along. I just took shallow, panting breaths, let my body
do its work, and asked my baby to come slowly.
Just a few minutes later, at 11:30
p.m., my midwife walked in the open door. She came straight over to me,
crouched down, and caught my baby as she slipped easily out of my body.
Committing to the moment, I can
discover competence and ease.
Do you know the feeling of being in the zone, when
everything seems to fall into place with little or no effort? The freedom of
living life in a state of flow is like no other I have known. While I may never
achieve a level of mastery over parenthood, I do have moments of easy
competence. I can look around and see that we are all doing pretty well.
Some Wednesday night last year, I was feeling a little
dispirited and fatigued after a long day of work and parenting. While not an
unusual scenario, this one stands out. On this particular Wednesday night, I
impulsively decided to go to a free-form dance gathering that happens regularly
in Austin. The idea came to me late, as it was already close to 9 p.m. and the
music would end by 10 p.m. I hurried to get dressed and ran into my oldest son,
who was having trouble sleeping. On a whim, I asked him if he wanted to come
with me. “Yes!” he shouted, tearing off his pajamas and putting his clothes
back on in under a minute. He knew full well how unusual an opportunity he had
been given. A post-bedtime outing without his brother and sister was rare.
We hopped into the car and arrived at the studio, happily
surprised by the half-price late-entrance fee. We entered the dance space where
a diverse group of very expressive adults were dancing wildly in total silence
except for the music. My son jumped right in. He leaped, he ran, he spun, he
salsa-ed. Sometimes, I danced with him, following his lead as we zoomed in and
out and made figure eights around all the other dancers. Sometimes, we danced
separately, each finding our own rhythm. It was pure joy to express myself
alongside my son. I loved the movement, the freedom, and the playful connection
with him. We were in the zone, together. When we came home, he gave me a big
hug of gratitude and went straight to bed. It was easy.
I remember this night clearly because it represents the
magic that can unfold when I relax into an easy competence with my children and
give in to the dance.
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