Daily Excerpt: Staying Safe While Sheltering in Place (Schnuelle et al.) - You, Me, Staying at Home (Coping, Seriously)
Excerpt from Staying Safe While Sheltering in Place (Schnuelle, Adams, & Henderson)
(written as one of our pandemic books, much of the advice is pertinent even now)
From chapter: You, Me, Staying at Home (Schnueel)
Coping, Seriously
As soon as practicalities were largely handled and as time stretched out, the themes that came up repeatedly boiled down to, “How do I not lose my mind?” Keeping one’s sanity lies in realizing this is an abnormal situation. In unprecedented circumstances, it is actually normal not to know what the hell is going on. We don’t live through world-wide novel virus pandemics\ often, and aren’t we all so thankful for that? In an abnormal situation, the usual routines will probably
not work.
We have to do something new. Adapting to what is happening right now, instead of trying to impose the old ‘normal,’ will probably work better.
Get relentlessly practical and find a new normal: here is what we can do today. Now we go to school online. Now we order groceries if we can and wipe off certain things before bringing them in the home. Now we work from home. Now we wash our hands a lot longer than we may have before. We redefine normal; normal is whatever we are doing now.
Now we stay apart from people we normally would hug and cuddle, to keep them safe and ourselves
healthy. Online contact is better than nothing, but it can physically hurt to not touch your loved ones, not be able to go visit them, not see new or beloved faces in person, face to face. People can become skin-hungry, where they just really need physical touch. For those living alone, this is a serious problem.
Asking for what you need is the solution, so if you are not alone, ask for hugs. Ask for back scratches. Cuddle if you can—people, pets, stuffed animals, whatever you have available. For those alone, or for whom it would not be appropriate to ask, some self-soothing techniques, such as rocking, brushing hair, putting on lotion, even just massaging your own feet & hands, can be helpful in a pinch.
Frankly, unless you are unusually privileged and have loads of help, just let your standards drop already. I don’t mean to fling everything you value to the wind, but you likely won’t be able to maintain all that was regular and routine with your pre-virus life. I suggest, quite strongly, that you thoughtfully choose a few actions, routines, ideals or habits that matter the very most to you. What is part of your identity, and what is just the way you want to live? Focus on the most important, and let the rest go. If your daily laundry becomes once a week, that saves you some hassle. If reading is important to you but you find you can’t concentrate, maybe you can try an audiobook to see if that works better? If you make perfectly planned, nutritionally balanced meals and it stresses you, loosen up… but if planning those meals gives you comfort and it’s something you find meaningful,
do your best with what you have to work with, knowing you will also face the reality of pandemic world: we are not in control. Things you like to eat or feed your family might be unavailable, so Plan B. Or Plan M. Or even Plan Z. Are people eating? Are tummies full?
Look at the bigger picture: You’re alive. Maybe even blessed. Let. It. Go. Several people I work
with chucked their old routine entirely, giving ‘pandemic life’ a lick and a prayer—they let go of a LOT…and found out that some things they thought were absolutely crucial really were not anymore. Life at home in quarantine has been eye-opening as far as what is a want and what is a need.
It’s great if you can set up some kind of structure, and it doesn’t need to be huge. I encourage folks to
make a small schedule because a big one is likely going to become a source of frustration. We don’t have control; we don’t know what we’re doing. Information is coming at us and changing, literally, by the hour or minute. This is fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants territory.
Trust yourself. Believe in your own ability to make good decisions. You can still sort out what is a good choice and what is not, but if you’re really wavering, reality-test it with your partner, your friends, online sources, and with whomever you can communicate. Perhaps it doesn’t work for you to still wake at 6, drag kids out of bed, and have your old, clock-driven routines based on office commutes and school schedules. Find out what happens if the kids go to bed later but
also get up later, and you get some blessed time alone with your own thoughts after they’ve gone to bed.
People who cling rigidly to one idea of The Way That Things Must Be are going to fare poorly in a world that thinks it’s entirely okay to throw mutant new viruses at all of us. Modified free-range parenting, with common-sense limits, might just save you some gray hairs and be the way through while we all adapt to whatever it is we are doing now (the new abnormal).
Here are some basics that you can adapt to your own living situation:
• Exercise—try to get some. It’s generally good
for you and helps you be healthy, but most of
all, it burns off anxious energy. Even an ambling
walk is good. You don’t have to set land-speed
records.
• Get some sunlight on your forehead. It lifts your
mood, your body will make some needed Vitamin
D, and so many people report feeling better
once they’ve had a bit of sun.
• Eat well—as well as you can, knowing that this is
an area you’ll have to be flexible on as shortages
and supply chains adapt to the crisis.
• Prioritize sleep; sleep as well as you can and keep
trying to improve it. Consult with your doctor if
you are not sleeping restfully, as poor sleep can
hurt your immune response and leave you more
vulnerable to illness. Poor sleep can also add to
mental health struggles; our bodies need sleep
to be as stable as possible. Sleep hygiene suggestions
are all over the internet, but one of the
simplest is to keep the place you sleep cool and
dark.
• Create small rituals—find something you really
enjoy, even if it feels cheesy, then stick to
it. The people banging pots and pans at 7 p.m.
each night in support of healthcare workers? It’s
wonderful. It’s an outlet. That’s a small ritual.
In Colorado, they’re howling into the sky each
night around 7 and you can hear the cry taken
up block to block in Denver—that’s a ritual. Find
something and regularly, fiercely, do it.
• Actively search for delight—small beauties,
something that speaks to your lovely little soul;
find it, grab it and hold it tight. I’ve taken delight
in the new baby bunnies bouncing around
drunkenly in the backyard. I’m noticing the
teeny purple flowers growing in the flowerbed
where they don’t belong but have assertively
pushed their way in; they’re probably invasive.
I don’t care, they’re lovely. They belong now.
Whatever it is that catches your notice, pay
attention. Notice deeply. See if it fills something
in you that was longing to be filled…and if so?
Cling to it.
• Grab some humor, even dark humor. We feel
better with belly laughs. It can seem incongruous
to laugh hard during a very tough time in
the world, but it is a light in a dark tunnel and
you’ll notice your mood and optimism rebound
almost instantly. Whether it’s watching old movies,
falling down weird YouTube rabbit-holes or
just meme-hunting online, find your thing to
laugh at and then do it like it’s medicine, because
it is. Laughing in the dark is an act of bravery.
• Learn from others’ mistakes—friends or strangers,
IRL, or online. Remember to wear pants
when you Zoom. Put clothing on whenever
someone has a laptop around. Try not to streak
through your partner’s online work meeting,
much less your own. If you want to be able to
meet your coworkers’ eyes ever again, do not
take your phone with you into the bathroom, especially
not if you are in a meeting.
• Get dirty. Garden, plant flowers, or care for a
single succulent if that’s all you can keep alive.
Hands in soil mellow the angsty soul. Get into
nature any way you can. If you’re lucky enough
to have a yard or some dirt you can dig into and
fiddle with, do it!
• Be brave. Try something new like learning a language
if that’s even a remote possibility for you
in this situation. Search for “how to” do something
you’ve always wanted to try, for example,
“How to sing like a Broadway singer.” Learning
something new challenges your brain and causes
new neuronal growth. If that’s too much, maybe
there’s a skill, craft, or hobby you’ve always
wanted to try or get back to. Learn one of those
Tik-Tok dances. Paint pouring is messy fun with
no pressure on the outcome. Finger-paint with
your kids. Scribble while you take notes. Doodle
mindlessly and then turn the doodle around and
see what it looks like. Sing outside and see what
your neighbors think. Howl into the night sky.
• Serve others—even if you need help, yourself. If
you can be of help to someone else in any way,
it not only helps them but has a wonderful effect
in lifting your own spirits. If you can, donate
time, donate cash, donate materials, or donate
food. Do something for a locked-in neighbor.
Sew masks. Look at your community and see if
there is any way you can be of service. It also
helps in case you yourself ever need assistance.
If you know you have given of your own free
will, when it’s your turn to ask for help, you can
accept it knowing it was given with an open and
cheerful heart.
For other posts by Schnuelle et al. and this book, click HERE.
For other posts by and about Henderson and her works, click HERE.
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