Daily Excerpt: Typhoon Honey (Girrell & Sjogren) - Defining Transformation

 


Excerpt from Typhoon Honey (Girrell & Sjogren) - 

Defining transformation

The nature of everything in this world we know of and in which we live is change. Nothing is static and immutable—nothing. Neither concrete buildings nor stones. Not mountains nor oceans. Nothing lasts forever without changing. Not only is everything in a constant state of flux (though admittedly at different rates and speeds), but the nature of those changes is purely chaotic. The universe is chaos that moves in patterned forms which we call fractals (self-repeating patterns). So when we begin to talk about change and what change is, we start with the idea that change is natural and continual.

 

This is no new concept. The ancient sages observed changes happening around them and sought to understand the nature of change and changing systems more than three thousand years ago. The “Book of Changes,” called the I Ching, is probably the most widely known of the systems for understanding change. Presumably compiled somewhere between 800 and 1000 BCE by Lao Tzu, the I Ching breaks down change into three phases (start, middle and finish) in eight different combinations, each of which could have a yin aspect or a yang aspect. For purposes of this discussion, let’s refer to them as a strong/hard aspect and a gentle/receptive aspect. These were represented as a solid bar or a broken bar. 

 

Combining those two possibilities across the eight combinations produced the 64 elements of the I Ching. While simple in its design, what the I Ching represents is that we humans have been trying to understand change for well over three thousand years.

 

We don’t have to look back to the sages, however, to recognize how present change is in our lives. We enter this world as a change. The last stage of the birthing process is called “transition” because we change states from fetus to infant. From infant we change to crawling to toddler and so on. All of us as adults underwent a significant change (whether we liked it or not) in puberty when the hormones of our bodies shaped us into the form we see today. And scientists tell us that we lose about 7,000-10,000 skin cells every time we shower. We slough off cells, alter our physiques, and lose or grow hair. To be alive means to be changing.

 

Nothing is constant except for change! When we discuss change later in this section, we will be referring to those normal types of changes external to us and internal to us, with which we adapt and get comfortable. 

 

That said, as working adults you also know that organizational change is hard to accomplish and the source of much confusion. There are two simple reasons why change, and in particular organizational change, is difficult. The first is relatively obvious in the term organization. The nature of an organization is, well, organized. Changing that organizational structure is difficult. Depending on the rigidity of the organization and the number of years it has existed in a certain form, it can be quite difficult to achieve, just on the level of the organizational structure itself. But the second reason why change is experienced as difficult is that each individual experiences change uniquely and personally—each time.

 

Contrary to popular belief, we don’t really resist change as humans  (as is the commonly held belief). Our brains resist change. Much like the organization, our brain’s sole function is to make order out of chaos (given that the world around us is a whirling, chaotic change system). The brain’s job is to take that disorder and chaos and classify it, name it and categorize it so that we can then function within it and navigate through the changes. Our brain has been doing that since birth so it gets pretty good at mastering the chaos around it. Our brains have even created the organizations we work in, the infrastructures we use to get to work, our tools and the Internet and everything we employ to manage it all. So, when a change comes along that disrupts the nicely ordered mental models we have built, our brains throw a fit! But after it is done rebelling against the change, it goes right back to work figuring out that change and creating some method for understanding how to deal with that change.

 

We all have seen the news story when a tornado rips through some midwestern town, leveling everything in a half-mile wide swath of destruction. Invariably the news team is on the scene in a flash to interview the people who have been affected. Often, we see two different families being interviewed. The first family is huddled together tearfully surveying the rubble that used to be their house. “We lost everything,” they say through the tears, “There is nothing left, nothing for us to do; we just don’t know what we will do or where we will go from here.” Just down the street, the crew interviews a second family. Mama is stroking her child’s face as she smiles. Her husband and their teenage daughter are beside them holding hands. “We are so grateful,” he says, “None of us was hurt. We may have lost the house, but we have each other and that is what counts. We are blessed!” Change affects us all in some way—even when it is pure havoc and destruction. How we make sense of it is something we will be addressing throughout this book.

 

If, then, we were to define change, it would be some event or process that challenges the status quo of our current understanding and coping mechanisms. Change causes us to rethink and reconfigure how we are going to deal with different circumstances. Change is normal. Resistance to change is normal, unique, personally defined and—wait for it—to be expected. There is nothing wrong with how we deal with changes that needs to be “fixed.” All we need to do is understand what is changing, what is being affected within our world, and then get practiced at shifting with each subsequent change. But change is not transformation, nor is transformation change.

 

Transformation, as we will be using it in this book, is a deep disruption or rearrangement of the core beliefs we hold which direct how we live our life in this world. Transformation consists of two roots: Trans, which means movement across or from one place to another or one state to another, and formation, which is about how our self-concept is formed. We think of formation as it is described in the “formative years” in developmental psychology. What is “formed” is the essence of our personality and our ways of being. This takes place through our experiences and the interpretations we make about ourselves because of those experiences. In other words, the idea of “self” is formed one layer and one experience at a time. 

 

Given that backdrop, transformation is the process of shifting our inner self concepts from one previously held way of knowing ourselves to a new and different way of being. Transformation, however, is not the process of becoming something that you are not already. Rather, transformation involves rediscovering that purest you that you were meant to be. It can be thought of as a systematic delayering of that which is in the way of your becoming that authentic, true self you were meant to be. 

 

Change and transformation are two distinctly different processes. Pop psychology and contemporary usage seem to blend the two terms together or see them as interchangeable. Change, doing things differently or dealing with differing challenges, is relatively easy to understand and teach. We have been teaching change management for decades and have easy-to-understand templates and processes for teaching individuals and managers how to deal with change.

 

Little however has been done to make sense of transformation. Human transformation programs like EST, Lifespring, Insight, Landmark Education, Ascension Leadership, Next Level Trainings and the Boston Breakthrough Academy employ trainers who have literally decades of training on how to support people in the difficult and challenging process of transformation. It is not a subject that we take lightly nor is it something that is easily accomplished. In the pages that follow, we will be discussing difficult subjects that are not generally discussed in self-help books. There are only two forces in the world that are strong enough to cause transformation: unconditional love and deep suffering

 

Learning to be totally unconditional in loving is a tall order. Unconditional means just that: there are no conditions placed on who gets to be loved. If and when you get to a place of unconditional love, you see into the pure soul of each person and see the tender beauty each person has—not some, not just my tribe, but everyone. Practicing unconditional love means loving even the most despicable person that seems to represent the antithesis of everything that you hold sacred and true. That is uncomfortable. 

 

But the other path of transformation, deep suffering, might be even more disquieting. Suffering has the power to rip a person wide open, and in doing so, open their hearts with compassion. Pain and suffering open up a level of understanding of the human condition—that we all feel pain and experience suffering. Neither path is easy. Most programs of human transformation will use both unconditional love and the experience of suffering as the vehicles of transforming the participants.

 

With that description of transformation, you might ask, “why would anyone sign up for that ride?” It does not sound like fun to be ripped open to vulnerability or to see that you are called to love everyone including that person—your worst nightmare! But at the same time, with the right attitude about transformation, it need not be depressing! We personally know many, many people who embrace their pains knowing that what is on the other side of them is a life of unequalled prosperity and joy.

 

When I first came into the work of transformation, I had just miscarried after several years of infertility and treatments. I was in a great deal of physical and emotional pain and didn’t quite know how to transform that. Using the tools of transformation, I started unpacking my sense of  suffering and discovered that I had some deep trauma around being molested as a child. I had been avoiding dealing with that for more than thirty-five years! When I began to embrace that trauma and decided to love the perpetrator, I finally was able to let go of the pain and suffering. On the other side of that letting go, I not only found a new level of light and happiness but I was actually able to get pregnant. I was able to transform some heavy and latent pain so that I could actually bring a child into the world.

 

If you’ve had dreams of your excellence, they probably come from some sense of the greatness you hold inside. If you have ever thought you could be a star at something wonderful, or a business owner, or a successful entrepreneur, that thought most likely came from some feeling of your inner purpose. We all have that, but it may have been crushed or blotted out by life experiences that told you dreams were foolish. We all were told as kids “stop daydreaming” or “be realistic.” And gradually we took on that somber mannerisms of the world of “supposed to” or “should” and began to play small. Transformation is about playing a big game—your big game, the one you were meant to play. In accessing your natural capacity to deeply feel and deeply love, you can build the strength and conviction necessary to make dreams a reality.

 

Brief Exercise:

Your most fulfilled self is not a wish (like “I wish I could be like Tom Brady” or “I wish I were a billionaire”). It is, however, a deeply held dream. It could be a haunting sense of something greater. The difference is that when you think of your greatest self, you get chills; the hair on the back of your neck stands up! The difference is that wishes are the fantasies of the ego and dreams are expressions of your soul.

 

Describe one such dream you have had that is not yet manifested—something you feel you have the potential to become. What is the difference between this and your ego-driven wishes? Complete the picture: With your dream, describe a scene wherein you have begun living your highest purpose. What does it look like? Who is there with you? What does that feel like? Now park that for a moment—we’ll revisit your dreams a bit later.


Independent Press Award. Distinguished Favorite
New England Book Festival Runner-Up

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