Daily Excerpt: Typhoon Honey (Girrell & Sjogren) - Defining Transformation
Excerpt from Typhoon Honey (Girrell & Sjogren) -
Defining
transformation
The
nature of everything in this world we know of and in which we live is change.
Nothing is static and immutable—nothing. Neither concrete buildings nor stones.
Not mountains nor oceans. Nothing lasts forever without changing. Not only is
everything in a constant state of flux (though admittedly at different rates
and speeds), but the nature of those changes is purely chaotic. The universe is
chaos that moves in patterned forms which we call fractals (self-repeating
patterns). So when we begin to talk about change and what change is, we start
with the idea that change is natural and continual.
This is
no new concept. The ancient sages observed changes happening around them and
sought to understand the nature of change and changing systems more than three
thousand years ago. The “Book of Changes,” called the I Ching, is
probably the most widely known of the systems for understanding change.
Presumably compiled somewhere between 800 and 1000 BCE by Lao Tzu, the I
Ching breaks down change into three phases (start, middle and finish) in
eight different combinations, each of which could have a yin aspect or a yang
aspect. For purposes of this discussion, let’s refer to them as a strong/hard
aspect and a gentle/receptive aspect. These were represented as a solid bar or
a broken bar.
Combining
those two possibilities across the eight combinations produced the 64 elements
of the I Ching. While simple in its design, what the I Ching
represents is that we humans have been trying to understand change for well
over three thousand years.
We don’t
have to look back to the sages, however, to recognize how present change is in
our lives. We enter this world as a change. The last stage of the birthing
process is called “transition” because we change states from fetus to infant.
From infant we change to crawling to toddler and so on. All of us as adults
underwent a significant change (whether we liked it or not) in puberty when the
hormones of our bodies shaped us into the form we see today. And scientists
tell us that we lose about 7,000-10,000 skin cells every time we shower. We
slough off cells, alter our physiques, and lose or grow hair. To be alive means
to be changing.
Nothing
is constant except for change! When we discuss change later in this section, we
will be referring to those normal types of changes external to us and internal
to us, with which we adapt and get comfortable.
That said,
as working adults you also know that organizational change is hard to
accomplish and the source of much confusion. There are two simple reasons why
change, and in particular organizational change, is difficult. The first is
relatively obvious in the term organization. The nature of an organization is,
well, organized. Changing that organizational structure is difficult. Depending
on the rigidity of the organization and the number of years it has existed in a
certain form, it can be quite difficult to achieve, just on the level of the
organizational structure itself. But the second reason why change is
experienced as difficult is that each individual experiences change uniquely
and personally—each time.
Contrary
to popular belief, we don’t really resist change as humans (as is the
commonly held belief). Our brains resist change. Much like the organization,
our brain’s sole function is to make order out of chaos (given that the world
around us is a whirling, chaotic change system). The brain’s job is to take
that disorder and chaos and classify it, name it and categorize it so that we
can then function within it and navigate through the changes. Our brain has
been doing that since birth so it gets pretty good at mastering the chaos
around it. Our brains have even created the organizations we work in, the
infrastructures we use to get to work, our tools and the Internet and
everything we employ to manage it all. So, when a change comes along that
disrupts the nicely ordered mental models we have built, our brains throw a
fit! But after it is done rebelling against the change, it goes right back to
work figuring out that change and creating some method for understanding how to
deal with that change.
We all
have seen the news story when a tornado rips through some midwestern town,
leveling everything in a half-mile wide swath of destruction. Invariably the
news team is on the scene in a flash to interview the people who have been
affected. Often, we see two different families being interviewed. The first
family is huddled together tearfully surveying the rubble that used to be their
house. “We lost everything,” they say through the tears, “There is nothing
left, nothing for us to do; we just don’t know what we will do or where we will
go from here.” Just down the street, the crew interviews a second family. Mama
is stroking her child’s face as she smiles. Her husband and their teenage
daughter are beside them holding hands. “We are so grateful,” he says, “None of
us was hurt. We may have lost the house, but we have each other and that is
what counts. We are blessed!” Change affects us all in some way—even when it is
pure havoc and destruction. How we make sense of it is something we will be
addressing throughout this book.
If, then,
we were to define change, it would be some event or process that challenges
the status quo of our current understanding and coping mechanisms. Change
causes us to rethink and reconfigure how we are going to deal with different
circumstances. Change is normal. Resistance to change is normal, unique,
personally defined and—wait for it—to be expected. There is nothing wrong with
how we deal with changes that needs to be “fixed.” All we need to do is
understand what is changing, what is being affected within our world, and then
get practiced at shifting with each subsequent change. But change is not
transformation, nor is transformation change.
Transformation,
as we will be using it in this book, is a deep disruption or rearrangement of
the core beliefs we hold which direct how we live our life in this world.
Transformation consists of two roots: Trans, which means movement across
or from one place to another or one state to another, and formation,
which is about how our self-concept is formed. We think of formation as it is
described in the “formative years” in developmental psychology. What is
“formed” is the essence of our personality and our ways of being. This takes
place through our experiences and the interpretations we make about ourselves
because of those experiences. In other words, the idea of “self” is formed one
layer and one experience at a time.
Given
that backdrop, transformation is the process of shifting our inner self
concepts from one previously held way of knowing ourselves to a new and
different way of being. Transformation, however, is not the process of becoming
something that you are not already. Rather, transformation involves
rediscovering that purest you that you were meant to be. It can be thought of
as a systematic delayering of that which is in the way of your becoming that
authentic, true self you were meant to be.
Change
and transformation are two distinctly different processes. Pop psychology and
contemporary usage seem to blend the two terms together or see them as
interchangeable. Change, doing things differently or dealing with differing
challenges, is relatively easy to understand and teach. We have been teaching
change management for decades and have easy-to-understand templates and
processes for teaching individuals and managers how to deal with change.
Little
however has been done to make sense of transformation. Human transformation
programs like EST, Lifespring, Insight, Landmark Education, Ascension
Leadership, Next Level Trainings and the Boston Breakthrough Academy employ
trainers who have literally decades of training on how to support people in the
difficult and challenging process of transformation. It is not a subject that
we take lightly nor is it something that is easily accomplished. In the pages
that follow, we will be discussing difficult subjects that are not generally
discussed in self-help books. There are only two forces in the world that are
strong enough to cause transformation: unconditional love and deep suffering.
Learning
to be totally unconditional in loving is a tall order. Unconditional means just
that: there are no conditions placed on who gets to be loved. If and when you
get to a place of unconditional love, you see into the pure soul of each person
and see the tender beauty each person has—not some, not just my tribe, but
everyone. Practicing unconditional love means loving even the most despicable
person that seems to represent the antithesis of everything that you hold
sacred and true. That is uncomfortable.
But the
other path of transformation, deep suffering, might be even more disquieting.
Suffering has the power to rip a person wide open, and in doing so, open their
hearts with compassion. Pain and suffering open up a level of understanding of
the human condition—that we all feel pain and experience suffering. Neither
path is easy. Most programs of human transformation will use both unconditional
love and the experience of suffering as the vehicles of transforming the
participants.
With that
description of transformation, you might ask, “why would anyone sign up for
that ride?” It does not sound like fun to be ripped open to vulnerability or to
see that you are called to love everyone including that person—your
worst nightmare! But at the same time, with the right attitude about
transformation, it need not be depressing! We personally know many, many people
who embrace their pains knowing that what is on the other side of them is a
life of unequalled prosperity and joy.
When I
first came into the work of transformation, I had just miscarried after several
years of infertility and treatments. I was in a great deal of physical and
emotional pain and didn’t quite know how to transform that. Using the tools of
transformation, I started unpacking my sense of suffering and discovered
that I had some deep trauma around being molested as a child. I had been
avoiding dealing with that for more than thirty-five years! When I began to
embrace that trauma and decided to love the perpetrator, I finally was able to
let go of the pain and suffering. On the other side of that letting go, I not
only found a new level of light and happiness but I was actually able to get
pregnant. I was able to transform some heavy and latent pain so that I could
actually bring a child into the world.
If you’ve
had dreams of your excellence, they probably come from some sense of the
greatness you hold inside. If you have ever thought you could be a star at
something wonderful, or a business owner, or a successful entrepreneur, that
thought most likely came from some feeling of your inner purpose. We all have
that, but it may have been crushed or blotted out by life experiences that told
you dreams were foolish. We all were told as kids “stop daydreaming” or “be
realistic.” And gradually we took on that somber mannerisms of the world of
“supposed to” or “should” and began to play small. Transformation is about
playing a big game—your big game, the one you were meant to play. In
accessing your natural capacity to deeply feel and deeply love, you can build
the strength and conviction necessary to make dreams a reality.
Brief
Exercise:
Your most
fulfilled self is not a wish (like “I wish I could be like Tom Brady” or “I
wish I were a billionaire”). It is, however, a deeply held dream. It could be a
haunting sense of something greater. The difference is that when you think of
your greatest self, you get chills; the hair on the back of your neck stands
up! The difference is that wishes are the fantasies of the ego and dreams are
expressions of your soul.
Describe
one such dream you have had that is not yet manifested—something you feel you
have the potential to become. What is the difference between this and your
ego-driven wishes? Complete the picture: With your dream, describe a scene
wherein you have begun living your highest purpose. What does it look like? Who
is there with you? What does that feel like? Now park that for a moment—we’ll
revisit your dreams a bit later.
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