The Story behind the Book: Lessons of Labor (Julia Aziz)

 

From the author of Lessons of Labor: One Woman's Self-Discovery through Birth, Julia Aziz -

Lessons of Labor was conceived a few hours after my first child was born. Battered, bleeding, and still in shock over what childbirth had really been like, one thing was clear to me: I had to write everything down, and I had better do it soon, before I forgot. My birth experience was not particularly unusual in any way, but my internal process felt like a long meditation retreat I had done some years earlier: every personal demon I had ever struggled with had somehow come to face me in the past twenty-four hours, and I was reeling from the experience. 

Of course in the months to come, I came to see that giving birth, which I had given quite a bit of thought and preparation to, was actually easier than postpartum anxiety, insomnia, hormonal changes, and newborn care. As I began to inexpertly stumble along the path of motherhood, I noticed those personal demons were coming along for the ride in a slower and more insidious way. The desire to be in control that had so challenged me in labor was exactly what I was struggling with as a new mom. I have always been fascinated by how short intensive experiences can be microcosms of a much larger life learning, and as I went on to have more children, I saw more layers of inquiry to explore here.

Before becoming a mother myself, I had already been working as a therapist and knew how to help parents understand and support their kids better. Now, however, I could see more clearly how important it was for the parents not only to find new strategies, but to find meaning and growth within their struggles. Humbled by my own experience, I saw how parents didn't need more advice coming at them. More than anything, they, and I, needed to learn how to come back to our own inner knowing, to trust in the bigger picture, and to practice self-love and self-care. Through writing about the constant letting go that motherhood was teaching me, I hoped not only to integrate my own experiences but also hopefully alleviate some of the isolation and self-doubt that I knew other mothers were feeling too. 

Of course, I didn't have a whole lot of waking hours or concentrated attention for a major writing project with three young children under the age of five! Once in a while I would write down a few notes on this idea of the micro-challenges of life being a metaphor for the larger questions. I was intrigued by the concept, but couldn't find the space to dive into it. When I was laid off after a maternity leave with my third child, I decided it was now or never. I started writing during nap times, screen times, and any spare moment I could find. I'd push the stroller and think about the book, scribbling notes down when I got home. One of the main themes of Lessons of Labor is finding our own way of doing things, and in choosing this somewhat scattered and messy writing process, I was doing just that. 

Once I committed to the writing, it was similar to childbirth or becoming a new mom: I was plagued by self-doubt, and I felt like what I was doing wasn’t good enough. I went through all the lessons I write about in the book! But I had learned to keep going. I had grown in my ability to face those personal demons, and I accepted that they were coming along for the ride. 

As the book began to find its final form, my hope was that it would reach the mothers who needed it. I hoped it would land in the hands of those who were second-guessing themselves, unable to sleep at night because they were worrying about SIDS or because they felt guilty about work and childcare. I hoped it would find fathers, grandparents, and people who didn't have children too, and that it would remind all of them that the hard things we go through are the pathways to our growth and evolution. I hoped this book would help normalize anxiety and the need to control, while gently encouraging a kinder path towards ourselves and our loved ones. 

My first child is turning eighteen this week. We are a long way from those childbirth stories, and I feel a long way from the younger woman I used to be. I am happy to say that I love and trust myself now, and though the doubting mind likes to rear its head in vulnerable times, I don't believe it in the way I used to. The lessons of this self-help memoir have continued to evolve in me, just as I hope they will in all of my readers. Each of us has our own story to tell, and most of all, I hope mine inspires you to honor your own.

Julia Aziz, LCSW-S, OIM

www.juliaaziz.com

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PS- Here's a little gift for anyone reading Lessons of Labor, either on their own or with friends. Click here to receive a free Mother’s Book Guide to Lessons of Labor with contemplative journaling, discussion, and meditation practices to use on your own or with a book club.

 For more posts about Julia and her book, click HERE,

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