Daily Excerpt: Widow: How to Survive (and Thrive!) in Your 2nd, 3rd, and 4th Years (Romer) - Courage
Today's book excerpt comes from Widow: How to Survive (and Thrive!) in Your 2nd, 3rd, and 4th Years by Joanna Romer.
Year Two
Courage
As you slide into Year Two of your widowhood, take courage along as your companion. You may
find you’ll need it; re-entering the job market after a hiatus can be
stressful. Even a part-time position can cause flutters in your newly-flat
stomach when you go for an interview. I say newly flat because many widows lose
a little weight the first year, either unintentionally or through a diet. (The
trick of course is to keep it off without depriving yourself of the comfort of
food.)
Courage is necessary as you attempt, for the first time in a
long time, to go out with a man other than your husband. Even if you were
actively dating before you got married, let’s face it: you’ve been out of
circulation awhile and may not know the current dating etiquette. I suggest
watching romantic comedies---the more recent the better---to get a feel for how
things are done. Then you can adjust the contemporary modes with what feels
right for you. It’s important not to
compromise your own authenticity. You may be eager to have sex, for example, but might want
to wait till you feel completely
simpatico with the guy before jumping
in.
Or not. As I said, find out what’s right for you.
Courage is required in your daily living as well. It’s not
easy to decide to cook yourself a nice dinner, especially if you’re working.
It’s simpler to slide a Stouffer’s lasagna into the microwave. Wait till the
urge comes naturally---such as on a Saturday night when you have no plans.
Perhaps you’ve been watching a cooking show with mouth watering recipes, or
reading a novel with delicious descriptions of
food. The thought comes, “Maybe I should try making Coq au Vin---it
doesn’t sound hard!”
It’s not. Basically you’re cooking a chicken in a pot with
mushrooms and wine. Suddenly you find yourself grabbing your purse and heading
for the grocery store. Yes, the meal takes a little time---but time is
something you’ve got this Saturday night. And Coq au Vin is delicious.
Finally, you need courage to make plans for the future. I’m not saying you have to outline your life
for the next five years, but try thinking ahead perhaps six or 12 months to
figure out what you’d really like to be doing. You’ve been focusing on
survival the first year but now you want
a bit more: survival doing something interesting.
It may not be enough just having lunch with friends and keeping your house
clean, especially if you’re not particularly interested in finding another man
right now (or ever). What would you like to do with your time? Do you want to
go back and resume a former career? Enroll in college and get a degree?---no,
60 is not too old! Perhaps you’re
thinking of starting your own little business---making jewelry and selling it
on the Internet. It’s been your hobby for years. Or how about redecorating your
house---you know it needs it.
All of these activities take a certain measure of courage to
say, “I have a life and I’m going to live it.” And you do, don’t you.
Guidelines for Enhancing Courage:
1. Encourage yourself to tackle something you’ve
put off doing---applying for a job, getting a new roof put on your house,
joining the local gym.
2. Call the man in your computer class who’s
continually asking you out for coffee---you know you want to.
3. Make a list of your achievements in
past years---a sure-fire courage booster.
4. Make a list of things you’d like to
accomplish—in three months, six months, one year down the road.
5. Watch movies about women’s empowerment,
such as “Gravity” with Sandra Bullock, or “Wild” with Reese Witherspoon. These
are extreme situations, but they show
what is possible.
For more posts by and about Joanna and her books, click HERE.
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