Daily Excerpt: Creative Aging (Vassiliadis and Romer) - Aging with Panache
Excerpt from Creative Aging (Vassiliadis & Romer) -
How to Age with Panache
For years I’ve admired the
women wearing beautiful scarves, twisted expertly enough to look like they’d
just tossed the scarf over their shoulders with a casual knot slipped in front.
These women possessed an air of assured confidence that I didn’t feel belonged
to me. Whenever I put on a scarf, it felt presumptuous. Who did I think I was?
I didn’t belong to this fearless group.
Some of these feelings may
have manifested because I didn’t start my work life in an office setting where
the appropriate attire was business formal. None of my relatives dressed that
way, either. Somehow, whenever I tried wearing a scarf in the mode de jour,
it didn’t feel right.
As I’ve aged, though, I’ve
grown more comfortable in my own skin. Life marches on, and it’s easier now to
let self-doubt and criticism roll off my shoulders and into the
if-they-feel-that-way-it’s-their-problem-not-mine trashcan. Senseless worrying
about how other people view my life and what I do with it causes too much
stress. Looking at life through a different prism can bring a liberating
change.
Crawling our way out of
anxiety and insecurities can become easier as we age. After all, we aren’t
teenagers anymore, looking to gain entry into the popular clique in high
school. We’ve lived a life. Many of us have gone to college, gotten jobs,
married, and had long or maybe not-so-long relationships. We’ve had children.
For some of us, that’s when we started to forget about our own needs and
desires. It was more important to grow and nurture the wishes and dreams of our
kids, not to mention spouses, bosses, and significant others. So, along the
way, our own visions and goals got moved to the back burner of life.
We got caught up in the
everyday minutia of work, school, play dates, after-school activities, and so
much more. It may be years before we realize how much has passed us by. When
our college-age children leave to go to school either near or far, things change.
It’s a new time for us. It can be an empty time for many who have tied so much
of themselves to the lives of their children.
Maybe our feelings of worth
were based on our job. If so, what happens when we slow down or retire? The
change is exciting for a while, but how does that make us feel long term? For
many people, men especially, the sense of usefulness, dignity, and power
received from working diminishes over time, and they need to find another
purpose for their lives.
This is where Creative Aging
comes in. The term doesn’t pertain just to artists. The Creative Aging movement
embraces finding our best selves as we move through the later years of our
lives. To do that, we need to uncover some interesting things to engage in to
keep our brains and bodies active.
Can you remember the
excitement and anticipation of starting the first day of college…beginning a
new job…planning a vacation? There’s a wonderful sense of “what if” and looking
forward to what lies ahead. That’s what we must recreate as we move into le
troisième age, the “third age” of our lives, categorized by many as the
span of years from around age 50 to 75. This constitutes a period of time when
we move beyond middle age and into our later years. It can be a time of great
discovery but also one of challenges. The unknown lies ahead. Do we meet it
with a sense of hope or dread? Is the future something we look forward to? Or
are we hiding our heads in the sand because the only thing to look forward to
is old age?
Yes, we will all get older,
but it helps to put our future lives in perspective. Are we so old we can’t
learn new things? Do we still want to engage in life? Do we enjoy being with
others who are motivating and motivated to live life to the fullest?
As we search for what we
want to do with the rest of our lives, it helps to have a pathway ahead in
mind. Now is the time to dig deep and do some investigating, rediscover what it
is that we just have to do. Some people find that passion by planting
and nurturing flowers, some by writing their family history, others through
photographing interesting landmarks or coaching their grandchildren in sports.
For me, dance has always
fulfilled that passion. Whether letting my feet 1, 2, 3… 1, 2, 3… across the
living room to a waltz by Mozart or being drawn into the foot stomping beat of
Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock and Roll, I just have to move to the music.
Dance became part of my life
at the age of five when my mother enrolled me in tap classes at the local dance
studio. Those shiny black patent leather shoes with the big metal taps allowed
me not only to dance along to the rhythm of the music playing but also to
create my own beats. Tapping soon gave way to ballet, which is still my
favorite form of dance. Despite the grueling discipline needed to achieve a
look of ethereal gracefulness with the upper body while moving one’s feet at
the speed of light on the bottom, the art of ballet took over my life.
My hopes for a professional
career in ballet ended, however, when I was diagnosed with severe scoliosis at
age 11. At the time, ballet was all I lived for. I spent hours each day in the
dance studio, perfecting my piqué turns and practicing my bourrées en pointe.
Because I had just been selected as a company member of the Fort Wayne Ballet,
I was overjoyed at the prospects in store for me.
We were rehearsing for the
lyrical ballet Les Sylphides the day I got the devastating news about my
spine. All I remember is that the lightness in my spirit while dancing in my
long white tulle tutu to Chopin’s beautiful music disappeared in a heartbeat.
My world ended. My self-esteem deflated as the process of undergoing a spinal
fusion and then being locked inside a shoulder-to-hip body cast and mandatory,
year-long bed rest took me away from the thing I loved most—dance.
During my recovery I
discovered other interests, but none could fill the void that dance did. I
finished high school, fell in love, got married, and gave birth to my only son.
All these events fulfilled a different part of my life.
Through it all, the love of
dance and the joy it brought to my life must have staked out a tiny cubicle
inside my soul that incubated for years, waiting to be uncovered. After
suspending my dancing activities for several decades, I rediscovered my love of
dance at age 50 when friends of mine persuaded me to teach them some simple
moves.
I was living in Florida at
the time. My pals expressed an interest in learning to dance because they knew
I’d been at it since childhood, but all professed to having two left feet. I
finally convinced them to try a dance class that I designed specifically for
them, one that was low impact and combined easy dance steps with lively music.
The Flowing Rhythm dance class I started utilized a follow-along approach so no
one was singled out. The result was that everyone was able to learn all the
moves and, yes, dance!
Upon moving to an over-55
adult community in Georgia with my husband Lee, I found a wonderful aerobics
room in our community clubhouse. I began giving myself a ballet class and
dancing around the studio a few times each week. While talking to new friends
there, I discovered they, too, wanted to learn to dance. So, I started the
Flowing Rhythm classes again and was soon teaching two classes a week with more
than 35 to 40 eager dance students taking part.
Most of these women had
either never danced before or else hadn’t danced since they were quite a bit
younger, but they didn’t let that stop them. Before long, they were strutting
forward to “Super Trouper” by ABBA, dancing with cane and hat in hand to “One”
from A Chorus Line, and defiantly stepping in time to “Rolling In
the Deep” by Adele.
These ladies didn’t want to
dance to some old fogey music. They wanted to move to the beat of the music
they grew up with and also to the current hits of the day. This group even took
on the challenges of the crazy moves of Korean PSY’s “Gangnum Style” and
“The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)” by the Norwegian Ylvis brothers.
Coincidently, this eagerness
to dance corresponded with the resurgence of dance shows on television such as Dancing
with the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance. To my thinking, this
was a synchronicity I could not ignore, so I embraced it wholeheartedly. I’m so
grateful I did!
Teaching these dance classes
has been good for me in many ways. First, exercising my body regularly keeps it
flexible and in good shape. Next, it keeps my brain sparking on all cylinders
by learning something new, which is terrific as we age. Concentrating on the
dance steps also helps relieve stress, and gathering together with others to do
something fun like dancing is also a great way to socialize.
Some members of my dance
troupe have gained enough confidence to perform for large groups in our
clubhouse; others have trekked to several outside venues to dance at a
community center, a senior center, and a few assisted living facilities. And we
don’t plan to stop there. Eventually we may travel around the state, the
country, and maybe even across the Atlantic to show everyone that dance knows
no age limits.
Bringing the love of dance
and movement to the world around me is how I live life to the fullest. My
non-traditional dance sessions include a follow-along Flowing Rhythm class,
filled with upbeat music for dancers age 60 to 85. One day, my dancers may be a
group of women from my over-55 community who meet weekly to get their groove
on, exercising not only their bodies but also their brains and social skills.
The next afternoon, I work with a group of seniors who move while seated, due
to balance or other health issues, and the following day, my dance class brings
jubilation to adult daycare residents with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease who
freely express their joy while swaying and swinging to the music. Within the
last year, I even started a ballet class for ladies aged 60, 70, and 80. When I
look in the mirror and see the glowing faces of my dancers, especially those
who have just discovered that they can master the choreographed moves—well,
that is the best feeling in the world.
There is a sense of
empowerment that comes with the proficiency of doing something well, and the
social connection among the dancers offers another key for successful aging.
I’ve had a few of my dancers tell me that they aren’t afraid to get old anymore
now that they see they can still do enjoyable things as they age. They have
discovered that the rich experiences of life don’t have to diminish. Isn’t that
what we all hope for—the ability to keep embracing life head-on as we discover
the pathway to our own best selves?
So, today as I dress in my
top and jeans, I select a brightly-colored, oblong scarf, edged in tasseled
fringe to swathe my neck and make a statement to myself that, yes, I am that
confident woman and I can wear this. Great dancers from Martha Graham to
Judith Jamison appeared swaddled in scarves so as a dancer and dance teacher I
will embrace that confidence and step out with a bounce in my gait.
GUIDELINES FOR LETTING
YOURSELF AGE WITH PANACHE
1. Sit down in a quiet location for a half hour or so and relax
with a cup of coffee, tea or a glass of wine. Let yourself daydream.
2. In your daydreams, think about some of the happiest moments of
your life. What were you doing? How did those special memories make you feel?
3. Are some of those memories of things you still do today?
Activities from your childhood that always made you smile?
4. Envision yourself doing those enjoyable activities now, at this
age, in this time of your life. Are these pursuits you hadn’t really considered
trying now that you are older? How would it feel to take these on?
5. Go ahead; try something today that you remember as being fun
from the past. Share these thoughts with a spouse or friend and talk about
possibilities. Your loved ones may wonder why you haven’t tried such activities
before and encourage you to start now.
USA Best Books Awards finalist
For more posts about Cheryl Vassiliadis and Joanna Romer and their book, click here.
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