Daily Excerpt: Divorced! Survival Techniques for Singles over Forty - Self-Nurturing (Romer)
from Divorced! Survival Techniques for Singles over Forty (Romer)
Self-Nurturing
You’ve
had a rough day battling challenges at your job, perhaps some unexpected
financial upsets and the usual tumult of traffic, weather and never enough
time. Lurking behind these everyday occurrences is the hurt and confusion of dealing
with your divorce. What do you do? Should you bolster a stiff upper lip,
swallow your feelings and continue your work, whatever it may be?
No,
not necessarily. The newly divorced person, like the newly bereaved, needs
special handling. That inner child in you is still confused about all the pain
you’re going through—it (and you) deserves some coddling.
How
do we comfort ourselves when we know that comforting and pampering are exactly
what we need? It’s not hard—the only difficult part is allowing ourselves those
moments of self indulgence. Self-nurturing is a must for the newly divorced
person, but it’s an activity that is often overlooked.
Why
is it so important to nurture ourselves? The answer is easy: because it fosters
self-esteem. Being nice to ourselves—giving ourselves little treats—restores
the feeling of harmony and good will that we need to face the world. Even
something as simple as stopping for a Café Mocha at Starbucks can reclaim the
feeling of being at ease with ourselves, which is essential in maintaining
self-esteem. If we go a step farther and sit down to enjoy a cupcake or a lemon
bar, we’re, in effect, saying to ourselves, “I am worth taking time off to
relax. I am worth buying myself a lemon bar.” Self-esteem is restored each time
we acknowledge our own worth in any way—even if just with a coffee at
Starbucks.
What
else can we do to self-nurture? Just about anything, as long as it’s something
that actually does soothe us. Do you like pets? Doc Roberts got himself two
dogs after his last divorce and found that looking after the dogs helped get
him back to his old self. We have to discern what type of self-nurturing is
right for us—for instance, going out to dinner with two talkative friends may
not be as nurturing as a drive to the lake to watch the sunset. We’re not
necessarily trying to distract ourselves as much as get in touch with ourselves
through self-nurturing.
Small
shopping trips, long walks through the park, a solitary lunch at a cozy
bistro—these little treats can bring solace to your fragile heart and raise
your spirits to an unexpected peace.
For more books by Joanna Romer, click HERE.
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