Societal Influences on Emotional Expression
Somewhere between kindergarten and adulthood, many of us learn that emotions are like elbows at the dinner table: best kept tucked in. We’re taught to smile politely, cry discreetly, and never—under any circumstances—rage in public unless we’re winning an Oscar.
But emotional expression isn’t just personal. It’s cultural. It’s generational. It’s shaped by everything from family lore to workplace norms to the unspoken rules of grocery store etiquette. Society doesn’t just influence how we feel—it influences whether we’re allowed to show it.
🎠The Performance of Composure
In many Western cultures, emotional restraint is equated with maturity. We admire the “strong silent type,” reward stoicism in crisis, and label vulnerability as weakness. Crying at work? Unprofessional. Expressing anger? Unhinged. Admitting fear? Better keep that to your therapist.
But this performance of composure often comes at a cost. We suppress grief until it leaks out sideways. We mask anxiety with productivity. We turn joy into a punchline because earnestness feels too exposed.
🧬 Family Scripts and Cultural Codes
Every household has its own emotional dialect. Some families speak in sighs and side-eyes. Others in sermons and sarcasm. In my own multigenerational home, we’ve got everything from Franciscan humility to theatrical lamentation—sometimes in the same conversation.
Cultural heritage plays a role too. Some traditions celebrate emotional expressiveness—think Mediterranean keening or Latin American exuberance. Others prize emotional discipline, viewing restraint as a form of respect or spiritual strength.
Neither is wrong. But both shape how we learn to feel—and how we learn to hide.
🪞 Reclaiming Emotional Truth
To grow emotionally, we must first notice the scripts we’ve inherited. Who taught you that anger was dangerous? That sadness was shameful? That joy should be muted? These beliefs aren’t facts—they’re social conditioning.
Reclaiming emotional truth means rewriting those scripts. It means saying, “I’m allowed to feel this,” even when the world says, “Keep it down.” It means modeling emotional honesty for others, especially the next generation.
Because when we express emotion authentically, we don’t just heal ourselves—we give others permission to do the same.
And if that means crying in aisle seven while holding a box of cereal that reminds you of your grandmother, so be it. That’s not weakness. That’s legacy.
This post was inspired by Learning to Feel by Kris Girrell..
Book Description:
Learning to Feel, Second Edition, teaches readers how to gain choice and authority over their emotional states. Feelings and emotions are reactions to the deeply held beliefs and experiences of our lives. In order to become fully emotionally intelligent - that is, to be able to know what is yours, what comes from the others, and how best to respond to those others - we must connect first to those core experiences and often re-interpret the meaning they have held for us. Learning to Feel is such a journey, intended to be a set of trail blazes for anyone who wishes to up their game in the realm of emotional intelligence. (Edition 1 was selected for the Independent Press Distinguished Favorite Award and a Literary Titan gold award.)
Literary Titan Gold Award
Independent Press Award Distinguished Favorite/Psychology
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