MSI Press Blog

Dear Carl, Tomorrow is Valentine's day, the first one without you. I want you to know that I received the note above a couple of days after you died. I do not know why it took over a week to reach me; perhaps I was distracted with your dying and spending every minute I could with you even though you were barely aware (seemingly) of what was going on around you. I am told that with the brain fog from hypercalcemia and chemotherapy, it would have taken much effort for you to be able to get online and write this note. I am so glad that you did. That note is the centerpiece on our bureau now. Thank you, too, for the poppies. I know you loved California poppies; that is why I asked you to send me poppy flowers after you died so that I would know that you are okay. Well, even though all the flower books say that poppy season ended six months ago, you have done a good job of keeping at least a couple of the poppy plants blooming. The one at the bottom of the hill had three blossoms yester

  Times were tense. I was caregiving for my husband, dying from cancer and on chemotherapy that required multiple trips a week to a distant hospital, my spina bifida daughter in a city a half-hour away who had lost her caregiver during the days of covid, and a CHARGE Syndrome adult son living at home -- and trying to run a business at the same time. The son tried to help out as best he could with his own care, but he did not always have the skills to do so. To wit, the scene above that ensued when he tried to help out by making his own breakfast -- one that at least brought a moment of levity into a too-tense life. Speaking from personal experience, the spouse (in this case wife, but it really does not much which spouse is pressed into the role) who ends up as the caregiver for a cancer patient is in a no-win situation, emotionally and physically. The role of spouse is to support the spouse and to navigate through life together, IMHO. That complicates the matter of caregiving. The two

  Earlier, I wrote about the two paths that erupted in front us when faced with a late-stage cancer diagnosis: to focus on living or to focus on dying. There are so many problems and so much confusion when told after a fall or a blood test or something else that seems otherwise innocuous that your loved one has advanced stage 4 cancer.  The worst thing about a late-stage diagnosis is time, or the lack thereof. Not just the time left for a cancer victim to live, but the time available to make decisions.  The first decision--to treat or go on hospice --is a significant one, and there is often no time to really think in through. From my own experience with more than one relative diagnosed with more than one kind of cancer at an advanced stage, there is an automatic, nearly instinctive choice made, not a reasoned one. Got insurance? Treat the cancer. Don't have insurance? Don't treat the cancer. Those are clearly not the most logical or even medically best or viable criteria, but

  In March, Carl was diagnosed with advanced stage 4 (metastatic) cancer of unknown primary. In August, he died.  When we got the diagnosis, we had to choose a detour from our normal life. There was no way to move straight ahead with life as usual because, you see, there was this big obstacle, called cancer, straight ahead. So, the question was to detour to the left and choose a treatment option, hope, and focus on the living or detour to the right and let nature takes its course, choose to accept the situation at face value, letting nature take its course, and focus on the dying. To fight or to surrender? There was no logical superiority of either path, not knowing what lay behind the cancer tree and how long was the path for it  continued out of sight. We decided not through reasoning but through conditioned reaction to fight. That is what we had done all our adult lives, as we successfully navigated life for four children, two with rare birth defects, and three grandchildren, two wi

  Carl, whose experience launched this blog and the MSI Press's Carl's Cancer Compendium (CCC) died after a very short 5 months post-diagnosis of occult cancer, or, as the official term goes, Cancer of Unknown Primary (CUP).  Carl fell February 23 and went to the local hospital where staff found advanced stage 4 metastatic cancer in five organs and subsequently transferred him to Stanford University Hospital, stating he would not likely return him. He did return home, for a brief four months--and he died at home on hospice almost a month later, having spent only 10 days in that capacity.  Stanford spent almost a month trying to determine the original cancer that had spread to these five organs (none of these organs was the original.) That is the problem with CUP. Finding the original seems out of reach and a guessing game. The doctor made his best guess, based on the spread pattern, but the cocktail he came up with for chemotherapy while doing no harm also did no good. The pro

  Today, a Celebration of Life was held for MSI Press co-owner, typesetter, and cover designer par excellence, Carl Leaver, who died August 16, 2021.  Carl always said he was a rotten pumpkin, being born a day after Halloween, but November 1 is All Saints Day and the day after is All Souls Day -- pretty special timing. Carl's experience with cancer of unknown primary, which he killed him very rapidly (5 months), inspired Carl's Cancer Compendium and Cancer Diary. As for those saints and souls, check out Saints I Know and Dia de Muertos by that famous parish cat, Sula. Blog editor's note: As a memorial to Carl, and simply because it is truly needed, MSI  is now hosting a web page,  Carl's Cancer Compendium , as a one-stop starting point for all things cancer, to make it easier for those with cancer to find answers to questions that can otherwise take hours to track down on the Internet and/or from professionals. The web page is in its infancy but expected to expand i

  Carl's Cancer Compendium lists the top 15 cancer centers in the USA, as identified by the National Cancer Institute. Some interesting facts: Most, but not all, are associated with a state university or Ivy League university or equivalent Four of the 15 are located in California; if one is to get cancer, clearly there is a certain advantage to being a resident of California. No other state has more than one top-flight cancer center. Only 13 states, including California, have a top-flight cancer center (one center is in two states): California Illinois Maryland Massachusetts Minnesota New Jersey New York North Carolina Ohio Pennsylvania Texas Washington See Carl's Cancer Compendium for links to all of them. for more Cancer Diary posts, click HERE . For more posts on cancer in general, click HERE . Blog editor's note: As a memorial to Carl, and simply because it is truly needed, MSI  is now hosting a web page,  Carl's Cancer Compendium , as a one-stop starting point fo

  In her classic tome on death and dying, On Grief & Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss , Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identifies five stages that those faced with shocking news associated with loss or potential loss go through: Denial (avoidance, confusion, elation, shock, fear) Anger (frustration, irritation, anxiety) Bargaining (struggling to find meaning, reaching out to others, telling one's story) Depression (overwhelmed, helplessness, hostility, fight) Acceptance (exploring options, new plan in place, moving on) Th subsequent works by Kubler-Ross, including those with colleagues, as well as works by others building on her research have pretty much confirmed these stages. How long it takes to go through any one of them depends upon the individual. Future Cancer Diary posts will dive deeper and personally into these stages. Grief is a complex and highly individual topic and intrinsically intertwined with cancer. MSI has published some helpful w

  Not just doctor talk, but also medical reports, online information, and even billing can be filled with seemingly unfathomable terms. Sometimes Greek and Latin help, but not everyone knows those languages. And sometimes even Greek and Latin do not help. Through its ever-expanding dictionary ,  Carl's Cancer Compendium seeks to help patients and their relatives and friends understand more precisely what doctors and documents are revealing to them. The dictionary adds new terms weekly, sometimes daily, and accepts requests for new terms (send to info@msipress.com). For more posts from Cancer Diary, click  HERE . For other posts on cancer, click HERE . Blog editor's note: As a memorial to Carl, and simply because it is truly needed, MSI  is now hosting a web page,   Carl's Cancer Compendium , as a one-stop starting point for all things cancer, to make it easier for those with cancer to find answers to questions that can otherwise take hours to track down on the Internet and

  If you, a loved one, or a friend has been diagnosed with cancer, you probably already know the four (or actually, five) stages of cancer. For the uninitiated, however, and even for those struggling at one stage or another, it can be beneficial to review the formal definitions of these stages. The different stages of cancer describe how far the cancer has grown and spread at the time of diagnosis. Stages are used to describe the spread of solid tumors, like breast, bowel or lung cancers. Blood cancers, such as leukemia or myelodysplasia, behave differently and are staged in different ways. See Carl's Cancer Compendium for more detail and more links. Stages of Cancer The different stages of cancer describe how far the cancer has grown and spread at the time of diagnosis. Stages are used to describe the spread of solid tumors, like breast, bowel or lung cancers. The stage depends on how big the tumors are and how/if they have spread. Blood cancers, such as leukemia or myelodysplasi

  Carl's Cancer Compendium is intended to serve as a starting point for all things cancer. It does not purport to answer questions or advise, but rather funnel those with questions in search of answers to reliable websites that answer their questions. When Carl Leaver , the co-owner of MSI Press LLC and its principal graphic designer and typesetter, lay dying, his family spent valuable time searching out answers to his condition and needs that members would have preferred to have spent with him. It is hoped that this page, over time and with the help of those who read it, will become robust enough to fulfill those unmet needs for families of future sufferers from cancer.  The compendium is eager to hear from readers who have a need for information not contained on the webpage. Drop a line to infoe@msipress.com so that the topic can be researched and included.  

  1948-2021 It is with great sadness that MSI Press notes the death of Carl Leaver, CEO of the Press and typesetter and graphic designer par excellence . Many authors have expressed not only condolences but also a sense of legacy from covers he designed that they love.  Here is his obituary: On August 16, 2021, Carl Don Leaver of San Juan Bautista passed into eternal rest. A forester with the US Forest Service in Idaho and Montana, he turned to nature photography while working in the Bitterroot National Forest. His photographs graced national magazine covers and on a weekly basis the local paper of Hamilton, MT, the Ravalli Republican. He later worked on photography projects for the US Army (AFEES) and taught photography at the New York Institute of Technology in Amman, Jordan. His final career change led him to computer graphics and publishing as co-owner of MSI Press LLC; his many typeset books and book covers have helped MSI Press authors win a large number of awards over the years,