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Showing posts with the label loneliness

Daily Excerpt: The Widower's Guide to a New Life (Romer) - Learning to Be Alone

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  Excerpt from The Widower's Guide to a New Life   by Joanna Romer - INTRODUCTION Learning to Be Alone When we lose a loved one—a friend or relative—our first reaction after the pain is usually atavistic: how will this affect me ? When we lose a spouse, however, no such reaction is possible. The grieving widower or widow soon becomes aware that this loss is catastrophic in a different way: it’s more like losing a part of oneself, one’s arms or legs. We keep waiting for that dear one to reappear, we want to claim her or him—until we realize this isn’t going to happen. We’re alone. Not only are we in pain but also we’re alone. For the widower, in particular, this can be quite a shock. Accustomed to having a “right hand” or equal partner always around, the newly bereaved man can be thrown into confusion. He has not realized his level of co-dependency. Suddenly, he’s facing life without his spouse in a thousand different ways, and he is devastated. What can you do when your be

Daily Excerpt: Widow: Survival Guide for the First Year (Romer) - Being Alone

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  Excerpt from Widow: A Survival Guide for the First Year --  CHAPTER ONE Being Alone When I was in my mid-20s, I worked at Cosmopolitan Magazine as an Assistant Editor. My tenure there was short (barely a year), but because my editor liked me I was able to secure freelance assignments in later years. Writing for Cosmo , I learned that almost any problem can be remedied with concentrated self-nurturing and a few well thought-out lists. And so, throughout the years, I was able to handle two divorces, three marriages, many job changes and the untimely deaths of both my parents (although this last occurrence required the help of a very nice therapist). When Jack, my beloved husband of 16 years, died at the age of 71, I was devastated. There were days in those first months when I really didn’t see what I had to live for. Other times, I believed that I too would soon leave this earth, and so I scampered around trying to get my affairs in order. If you are a recent widow, you’re pro

From the Blog Posts of MSI Press Author, Julia Aziz

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  from Julia Aziz -- If you're having a hard time right now, you are most definitely not alone (though in observing all the hoopla, you certainly may feel that way!). December can be lovely when it involves slow time, good food, and heartfelt connection with people you love. It can also be stressful and heavy with illness, loneliness, and grief. In lightness and dark, this time of year brings up all the feels. I'm going to keep this one short, as I know your inbox is probably overfull. But here are some resources to use, again or for the first time, when you need a little extra support: When you're not sure how you or other people are changing   When you're misunderstood   When you're over-giving and doing too much Releasing negative emotions and what it means to surrender  (audio) On grief and loss  (audio- you can skip the first 10-15 minute intro to my counseling practice--after that, we dive into the topic) The challenge of being a helping professional and also

Excerpt from The Pandemic and Hope (Ortman): Alone with Ourselves

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Alone with Ourselves  In therapy sessions, I have been asking my patients how they are coping with the confinement, loneliness, and fear. Regarding their quarantine, I ask if they experience it more as a prison or retreat. Almost all have told me that it feels mostly like a retreat. Perhaps my encouraging them to relax and observe themselves is paying some dividends. For example, one insight patient, commenting on the lock down, said, “If we allow fear to take over, we’re exchanging prisons and giving ourselves a life sentence.” However, as the quarantine drags on for weeks, I suspect they may change their tunes. Surprisingly, my most emotionally fragile patients struggle little with the virus fear. They do not sweat the big stuff, only the small stuff. For example, they may agonize for years about a rude comment. My patients also complain about so much closeness with restless, bickering kids and bored partners that, they say jokingly, it will eventually lead to the doorst