A Different Kind of Loneliness: Loss of Friends in Old Age
Three of us were a decade apart: Alice, Anne, and I; Barbara was a half-decade between Anne and Alice. Alice - even in her 90s was the renegade; Barbara was the dependable servant; Anne was the intellectual pusher; and I was the world traveler (some of our "out" meetings had to be scheduled around my irregular travel schedule).
We came together in an odd way. We were all Franciscans, and we met monthly for more than ten years for Franciscan Ladies' Night Out, until Alice who had reached her 90s, could not drive in the dark anymore. Then, we switched to Franciscan Ladies' Lunch Out. We always had plenty to talk about and always on the same wavelength. Just one of those lucky and blessed groupings where all of us could always rely on each of us for anything needed, but especially for maintaining sanity in a growingly crazy world as we approached the Covid months. These "out" experiences were a refuge in place and person.
Anne, age 82, was the first to depart; Covid took her away 18 months ago. Then, old age grabbed onto Alice six months ago; she was 94. And then, Barbara, age 87, fell and could not recover from that, passing on last month. I was the baby of the group at 74, but although our ages spread over two decades in length, from 74 to 94, there never seemed to be any difference in age when we got together. Now I know there was because the "baby" is now alone.
Many research pieces talk about the importance of socialization and social contacts to living a longer life. For us, that Franciscan ladies' connection was the surfboard that kept us on top of what could have been crashing waves. I can
I will and do continue to make new friends, being an extravert and continuing world traveler and all, but I will likely also always feel the gaping hole left by the Franciscan Ladies Night Out quartet. That is the despondent part of aging, a despondency that will probably always lurk in the shadows and motivate a reaction to fill the hole, to brighten the dark. In short, I miss my cohort!
Read more posts on aging.
Read more posts about loneliness.
MSI Press has published two award-winning books on aging:
Creative Aging: A Baby Boomer's Guide to Successful Living encourages those who are at or nearing retirement to actively plan for the years ahead. Individual stories of Boomers who have learned to flourish after age 50 are showcased, along with productive influences gained from spirituality, health, and "the Woodstock Generation," including how to take inspiration from childhood and young adulthood to reignite; develop a passion for the troisieme age; use creativity to stay happy, healthy and enlightened; and formulate lifestyle plans that match expectations. Activities are provided at the end of each section to help the reader define and make life choices (and changes).
Award: USA Best Books Award Finalist
With over ten years of growing into an old woman with the help of her friends, Bertha Cooper knows whereof she writes. In this book you will learn that growing old is not the slow death of our personalities, our bodies, or our relevance to the world. Someday, it will happen, but not yet! Feel the wisdom below the years we've lived and the power that comes with making our own choices about our aging selves. Women, We're Only Old Once offers explanations for natural changes that occur while aging and transitions we must make as we age. Women can be relieved to learn that having less endurance or word-finding problems are not signs of disease. Women are empowered to put their energy and spirit where it counts on their journey in this important phase of life.
Awards: Kops-Fetherling International Book Awards/Phoenix Award for Best New Voice in Health and Fitness, Best Indie Book Award, Independent Press Award, Pinnacle Book Achievement Award.
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