Excerpt from Life after Losing a Child (Young & Romer): Living with the Loss

Whether the death of a child was due to illness, accident, suicide or drug overdose, the pain is the same—an ache in your heart that won’t go away. Will your life ever be the same?

Perhaps not, but as the interviews in this book reveal, you can go on to have a meaningful life. Trish Armor [previous chapter] dealt with her loss through a number of powerful methods. She started a local branch of a bereavement group called Compassionate Friends for other parents who had lost a child. She turned to her faith, a gift she said her daughter had given her, and most significantly for her, Trish turned to Mindfulness.

According to Mindful.org, Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present—aware of where we are and what we’re doing at the moment. Such an awareness, says Trish, can be hugely beneficial. “We tend to live in the past when losing a child and have a lot of negative thoughts,” she remarked.

Forgiveness is another very important element in the process of coping as many bereaved parents discovered. Holding onto a grudge, whether aimed at a hospital, doctor, or family member, does nothing toward easing your pain—it may even exacerbate it. Hardest of all may be the process of forgiving yourself for some offense—real or imagined—that you feel contributed to your child’s death. “If only I’d done such and such,” you moan, unable to let yourself off the hook in your blame. Yet, this is essential in the healing process. Forgiveness is a balm that soothes the hurt part of your consciousness and enables you to go on with your life.

Other ways of coping with loss include activism and focusing on remaining family members. Choosing activism as one of her coping methods, Trish Amor become involved in educating the public about suicide, an illness which took her daughter’s life. “My daughter didn’t die of suicide. She died of illness. It’s a healing thing to say to parents of suicide victims,” Trish said.

Acceptance is certainly not easy for anyone faced with the loss of a child. Some bereaved families have adopted other children to give their lives special meaning, Others have become foster parents. Focusing extra love and care on one’s remaining family members may prove to be a loving support in your time of grief and don’t forget to pour some of that extra T.L.C. on yourself!

Finally, do not hesitate to consult a therapist if you need extra help coping with your loss. These dedicated men and women can make the difference between a life filled with remorse and a new beginning for your grieving heart.

Read more posts by and about Pat Young



and Joanna Romer




and their BOOK.