Children's Fears: The Secret of Parental Space (shared by Dr. Haim Omer)


From "Children's Fears" -- 

Their bed, room, ears, body, time and leisure are not their own, but are often invaded by the child’s anxious reactions. A series of studies by Eli Lebowitz on our approach to parents of anxious children showed that when parents learn to restore and protect their personal boundaries, the child’s anxiety and distress diminish significantly. And what is not less important: The parents’ distress diminishes as well!


We all know that when the baby is born, the mother’s availability is virtually unlimited. Probably many babies “would like” to perpetuate this situation. Thus they protest loudly when the mother becomes gradually less available. Fortunately, mothers have needs of their own, reducing their readiness to service the baby unlimitedly. The renowned psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott coined the expression “good enough mother” to stress that mothers do not need to be perfect. On the contrary! If they were perfectly attuned and always sensitive to their child’s needs, the baby would probably not grow well. Babies need mothers who are not always immediately responsive. Therefore, even the mother’s headaches or menstrual pains may help the baby to develop. At those times the mother’s availability diminishes naturally, allowing the child to learn how to cope.


However, children with a predisposition to anxiety (probably an inborn tendency) put their parents’ boundaries to a test, demanding total protection against unpleasant experiences also as they grow up. These kids find it hard to sleep or stay on their own, or even to let other caregivers take the place of the parents. In those cases, the parents have to take special care of their own space, so as to withstand the child’s excessive neediness. In so doing they will actually be helping the child, as “parental accommodation” to the child’s demands and expectations badly aggravates the child’s symptoms and dysfunction. In order to protect their parental boundaries, they need to develop some skills and insights, which are crucial not only for the child’s wellbeing but also for their own. The following tips and principles may help them move in this direction.


Read the full post HERE.



For more posts by and about Dr. Omer and his book, click HERE.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

In Memoriam: Carl Don Leaver

Image
  1948-2021 It is with great sadness that MSI Press notes the death of Carl Leaver, CEO of the Press and typesetter and graphic designer par excellence . Many authors have expressed not only condolences but also a sense of legacy from covers he designed that they love.  Here is his obituary: On August 16, 2021, Carl Don Leaver of San Juan Bautista passed into eternal rest. A forester with the US Forest Service in Idaho and Montana, he turned to nature photography while working in the Bitterroot National Forest. His photographs graced national magazine covers and on a weekly basis the local paper of Hamilton, MT, the Ravalli Republican. He later worked on photography projects for the US Army (AFEES) and taught photography at the New York Institute of Technology in Amman, Jordan. His final career change led him to computer graphics and publishing as co-owner of MSI Press LLC; his many typeset books and book covers have helped MSI Press authors win a large number of awards over t...
Read more

A Publisher's Conversation with Authors: Book Marketing vs Book Promotion

Image
It is Tuesday. Monday's madness is over, and Wednesday will take us over the hump, so Tuesday it is--for some serious discussion with authors. Tuesday talks mean to address authors in waiting and self-published authors who would like to go a more traditional route or who would at least like to take their steps with a publisher by their side.  Today's post looks at the difference between book marketing and book promotion, two terms that are frequently confused. Leading to the confusion is that some of the same activities are needed for both. In fact, good marketing is dependent upon good promotion. Perhaps the essential difference is that marketing focuses on sales, and promotion focuses on awareness --  noting that without awareness, sales generally do not happen. Book Marketing Book marketing includes promotion, sales, and increasing awareness of the availability of the book. It generally starts with a marketing plan that identifies the target audiences and selects marketing ...
Read more