Daily Excerpt: How to Get Happy and Stay That Way (Romer): Don't Let Guilt Block Your Happiness
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Excerpt from How to Get Happy and Stay That Way: Practice Techniques for Putting Joy into Your Life
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Don't Let Guilt Block Your Happiness
It’s odd
to think that guilt can get in the way of happiness, but I know it can because
it’s happened to me. There have been times I’ve been so happy that tears come
to my eyes—and then I realize something else has gotten into my head, too. That
something else is guilt—guilt because I’m happy and other people aren’t.
There is
no way to get around this reality: not everyone is happy. In fact, there are
those who say we should never declare ourselves happy while there are people in
the world who are suffering. Some individuals—writers, philosophers—proclaim
that to be happy in the world as we know it is a sign of insanity.
I don’t
agree with either of these concepts. To me, we are most apt to go out of our
way to help those less fortunate than ourselves when we are contented, even
joyful. While it is true that much philanthropy does occur out of guilt, I
don’t think people aspire to be in a state of guilt. It’s not a pleasant place
to be.
I have a
friend who claims that guilt is actually “ego,” and there is much to be said
for that view. If we are wringing our hands over all the things we should be
doing but aren’t doing, and all the things we should be thinking but aren’t
thinking, we are, if effect, focusing our entire attention upon ourselves.
We’re trying to “play God,” or become responsible for other people’s happiness.
Isn’t this actually a sign of inflated ego—thinking that everything rests upon
us and only us?
If we’ve
done something hurtful to someone, and can’t rest until we’ve righted the
wrong, that’s one thing. We probably do need to set things straight in order to
be happy inside. But a nameless guilt that rises within, at the moment of joy,
to “attack” our happiness, is nothing more than insecurity, or a fear that we
don’t deserve to be happy. And that, my friends, is simply not true.
We do deserve
to be happy. Everyone deserves it. And if you find yourself in a state where
you are happy much of the time, claim it. Then go about seeing what you can do
to help others feel the same. That’s a lot better use of your time than feeling
guilty!
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