Daily Excerpt: A Widower's Guide to a New Life (Romer) - Self-esteem
excerpt from A Widower's Guide to a New Life (Romer) -
Self-Esteem
What
gives you self-esteem? Is it wearing a clean shirt and well-polished shoes when
you’re heading out to dinner with a friend, whether male or female? Is it the
knowledge that you can still be useful as you fix your neighbor’s lawn mower,
or maybe even her computer?
Is it the fact that the woman in the grocery
store smiled at you when you let her go ahead of you in line, or the
realization that you can still beat your old pal Phil on the tennis court after
31 years?
All
of these things (and more) can contribute to self-esteem, a very useful
commodity for a widower to have. Chances are, if you’ve lost your wife
recently, your self-esteem has taken a beating. When our typical routine is
drastically altered and we find ourselves struggling with everyday events, one
of the first things to plummet is our opinion of ourselves. That good opinion,
that high self-regard, is very important in the process of healing.
Most
of us are pretty critical of ourselves at all times anyway, but for a widower,
self-criticism can border on self-abuse. (“Oh, I can’t do anything right
without Mary around,” or “How come this soup tastes so awful?—I am the world’s
worst cook!”)
You
may have married a superwoman—many widowers become convinced of this after
their wife’s passing—but chances are it’s you
who is placing way too much blame on yourself. So what if you can’t cook?
You’ll learn to fix your own meals eventually—and you’ll learn to clean the
house, balance the checkbook, plant the flowers and do all those things your
wife accomplished effortlessly. Give it time.
In
the meantime, it’s important to make special efforts to rebuild the self-esteem
that has been displaced since your wife's death. You do this, first of all, by
speaking gently to yourself instead of cursing your supposed incompetence.
Congratulate yourself for every single good thing you accomplish that you never
have before. (“Voila! It’s the best chili I ever tasted!” “Wow, I sent birthday
cards to all the grandchildren, just like Virginia always did!")
Take
special care with your appearance. Now is the time to go out and buy some new
clothes, get a haircut, and lose a few pounds. You will be amazed at how much a
little self-care affects the way you feel about yourself.
Plan
a small trip to a relaxing place, buy a new iPhone, or even buy a new boat if
you can afford it. No, we don’t want to make any big changes during the first
year of our bereavement, but spending money on something you know you can
afford is a great way to make you feel better about yourself.
Rebuilding
your self-esteem is critical to the healing process, and you owe it to yourself
to take it seriously. Remember, true self-esteem comes from within—when our
thoughts are in harmony with God and nature. Strive to be at peace, and that
serenity will give you comfort
throughout your day.
BOOK OF THE YEAR FINALIST
save 25% with code FF25 at our webstore
Read more posts about Joanna and her books HERE.
Sign up for the MSI Press LLC Newsletter
Follow MSI Press on Twitter, Face Book, and Instagram.
in exchange for reviewing a current or forthcoming MSI Press LLC book?
Contact editor@msipress.com.
Want an author-signed copy of this book?
Purchase the book at 25% discount (use coupon code FF25)
and concurrently send a written request to orders@msipress.com.
Comments
Post a Comment