Daily Excerpt: Weekly Soul (Craigie) - Meditation #29 (Psychological Pain)

 



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Excerpt from Weekly Soul (Dr. Frederic Craigie)


-29-

 

Life is a choice. Psychological pain is not a choice. Either way you go, you will have problems and pain. So, the choice here is not about whether to have pain. The choice is whether or not to live a meaningful life.

 

Steven C. Hayes

 

We all suffer.

The life free of distress and suffering is illusory, or, at least, the quest to avoid psychological pain leaves you spiritually hollow. Want to avoid anxiety? Don’t try anything new. Want to avoid sadness? Don’t do anything where you could fail. Want to avoid grief? Don’t have relationships.

You may see people out there who seem to have lives of unbridled happiness and joy, but as you look closely, you’ll find that their experience is more about transformation of suffering than the absence of suffering. No less a joyful spirit than His Holiness the Dalai Lama speaks of times when his own path has been enriched as he has experienced sadness and grief.

As well, there are the sad stories of people who look jaunty and ebullient to all the world but who wrestle with their own demons inside. You may recall the death of Robin Williams, whose public persona was one of constant gaiety and mirth but whose interior life was apparently so intolerable that he committed suicide.

Whether to experience psychological pain is not an option. It is. It will be. The choice is in how we respond to that suffering.

My friend and long-time associate Ken Hamilton, M.D., is a former surgeon who has dedicated the last several decades of his life to developing a network of support groups that offer communities of hope and healing in the face of all manner of adversity. He may be described as “the Bernie Siegel of Maine” although I prefer to locate Bernie Siegel as “the Ken Hamilton of Connecticut.”

Ken says, “This is what your life is giving you. Now, what are you going to do with your life?”

The psychological distress we all face—unsettling thoughts, hard feelings, disturbing images—just appear on the doorstep for reasons that sometimes are clear and sometimes not. The challenge is to develop the ability to have these experiences, to tolerate the distress of these experiences, and still to make choices in the direction of living a meaningful life.

Life is giving you a detached and often unfairly critical boss, and you’re angry. It is what it is. You accept this, you face this. Now, what are you going to do with your life? What are you going to do that aligns with your deepest values?

Life is giving you a financial downturn or a serious illness, and you’re fearful. It is what it is. You accept this; you face this. Now, what are you going to do with your life? What are you going to do that aligns with your deepest values?

Heaven forbid, life takes away from you someone you dearly love, and you grieve. It is what it is. You accept this; you face this. Now, what are you going to do with your life? What are you going to do that aligns with your deepest values?

Acceptance is not about smooth sailing or easy choices. You can tremble with fear. You can rage against the Universe. But part of the blessing of your humanity is that even as you sit with the suffering that you feel, you have the ability to choose how you carry on.

 

Reflection

 

  • The sad story of Robin Williams—a tragedy that the world has lost this person—calls to mind the peril of comparing ourselves unfavorably to people who seem to have it all together. At the same time, most of us have people in our lives who mentor or model dignity and resilience in the face of suffering. Who has there been for you who teaches you about facing and responding meaningfully to suffering?
  • When has there been a time in your experience when you have been able to face—accept—psychological pain and gather the energy of your heart and soul to respond to this suffering in ways that show the best of who you are?
  • In the coming week, notice how you respond to unpleasant and painful thoughts, feelings, or images. What do your responses show or teach you about acceptance and making meaningful choices?

 

Author

 

Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D. (b. 1948) is an American psychologist and educator, based in the Department of Psychology at the University of Nevada. A prolific researcher and writer, he has authored dozens of books and several hundred journal articles. He is the developer of Relational Frame Theory, which has been the theoretical basis for the development of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, an empirically-based counseling approach that merges mindfulness with values-based action. Hayes has held most of the pertinent leadership positions in the world of applied behavior therapy and has garnered a collection of lifetime achievement awards in his field. The quotation comes from his seminal popular-press workbook, Get out of Your Mind and into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (New Harbinger, 2005).


For more posts about Dr. Craigie, including more excerpts from Weekly Soul, click HERE.



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