Daily Excerpt: A Woman's Guide to Self-Nurturing (Romer) - How to Figure Out What Pleases You

 

Excerpt from A Woman's Guide to Self-Nurturing by Joanna Romer -

How to Figure Out What Pleases You

You know what your mother likes; ditto your daughter and your best friend. But do you really know what warms your soul? What single thing or combination of factors is necessary to soothe your inner being? Often we don’t know—a family reunion may bring tears of joy to your sister Gillian, but it leaves you cold. Your next door neighbor Amy thrives on frequent trips to the mall, but you’d rather drive to an out-of-the way antique store and shop for a “find.”  Every woman is different, and we make a mistake when we tag along on someone else’s pleasure jaunt thinking it’s ours too (unless of course our purpose is to give that person a treat).

If our goal is to please ourselves, we need to plumb to the bottom of our consciousness and discover that special something that brings us joy. The good news is, the older we get the easier it is to figure this out, simply by the process of trial and error. One method I use is to make a “List of Scrumptious Activities” (see Appendix for examples). Don’t do this all at once, but for the sake of authenticity, add items to your list as you discover and identify them over a period of time. Did you take a drive through the mountains and stop at an overlook, enjoying the sensation of being at the top of the world? Make a note of it.  Did you go to the beach on the spur of the moment and find you love relaxing by the shore in your little deck chair—getting out of the chair (twice!) and splashing in the ocean? Make a note of it. Jot down all the times when you feel an abundance in your soul, a surfeit of gratitude, good will, and happiness. Abundance is a tangible feeling; we know when we have it because we feel full. And we also—perhaps surprisingly—feel a rush of self-esteem at these moments: the certainty that we can handle whatever comes our way. Sometimes, feeling such abundance, we’ll get an answer to problems that have been bothering us; long standing difficulties can be cleared up. But even if we don’t solve all our problems with an episode of self-nurturing, we will at least be on the road to feeling better about ourselves.

What other methods can you use to coax out those activities that bring special pleasure? You can try meditation, where you lie down in a quiet place, with or without music, and allow your mind to travel where it will until it quiets down. Then try and be still and observe your breathing. You may be pleasantly surprised by an idea that just pops into your mind “out of the blue”—an idea for something so perfect for you that you’ll wonder why you never thought of it before.

Add this idea to your list.

You can also look at your past vacations, shopping trips, journal entrees and “Things to Do” lists to see which items touch a spark in your psyche as you identify them. If all else fails, sit down and make a list of things you’d like to do, items you’d like to buy, or places you’d like to go. Sure, you may not have tested them yet but some of them, certainly, will be “you.” Like making the decision to self-nurture, deciding what pleases you isn’t terribly hard—once you’ve made up your mind to do it.

  

GUIDELINES FOR FIGURING OUT WHAT PLEASES YOU

1.            Take 20 minutes to meditate, trying not to think of anything in particular. If an idea of something that pleases you comes to mind, make a note of it.

2.               Develop a “Scrumptious Things to Do” list where you record wonderful places to visit, things to eat, and other treats you want to remember.

3.               Ask your best friends what things you’ve enjoyed doing together—then try them on your own as a test.

4.               Observe yourself at a movie, on a shopping trip, or on a walk in the park, paying attention to what particularly warms your soul.

5.               Make a list of things you’d like to do in the future—if one or two bring a particular pang of desire, you’ll know it’s really you.

 

For more posts about Joanna Romer and her books, click HERE.

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