Guest Post from Dr. Dennis Ortman: Full Life
Dennis Ortman, author of several award-winning books, offers the following reflection for MSI Press blog readers -
FULL LIFE
“I came that they might have life and have it to the full.”
--John 10: 10
We have two natural desires: to live forever and to be happy. Modern medical science promises the first, but cannot guarantee the second. However, a recent bestselling book suggests that we can have both, now. Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles wrote Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life (New York: Penguin Books, 2016) in which they described the natural steps to a long, fulfilled life. They journeyed to Ogimi, Japan, where a large portion of the population lives into their hundreds. They interviewed dozens of the elderly residents to discover their secret.
What they learned was a natural way to live longer with joy. Here are some of their recommendations:
· Live an active life doing what you enjoy, and don’t retire.
· Eat a moderate, balanced diet, with a variety of fruits and vegetables.
· Keep moving and engage in light exercise.
· Surround yourself with good friends.
· Learn to relax and stay calm.
· Live in the present moment, not preoccupied with the past or future.
· Reconnect with nature. Tend a garden.
These are all common sense ways of addressing the well-known natural needs of the body, mind, and spirit. They reflect the timeless wisdom of such recovery programs as Alcoholics Anonymous. To stay happy and sober, AA recommends “HALT.” This is an acronym for “Don’t be Hungry (Eat a balanced diet.), Angry (Stay calm.), Lonely (Be sociable.), or Tired (Get enough sleep and exercise.) The program sensibly teaches that unless we care for our basic needs we risk falling back into addictive behavior.
These authors go one step further in their recommendations: we must discover and do what we love doing, and continue doing it until the end of our days. They say we must follow what the Japanese call “ikigai,” our personal passion that gives meaning to our lives. Each of us has within us a unique passion which corresponds with what we are good at and can share with the world. The pursuit of our ikigai becomes our vocation and life mission.
Garcia and Miralles contend that we discover our ikigai through spending quiet time alone with ourselves and truly listening. We withdraw from our frenetic activities and quiet our chattering minds. In the stillness, we pay full attention to whatever arises. In the process, we discover who we really are and what gives meaning to our lives. From contemplation arises meaningful action.
A professor friend of mine who teaches at a local college explains to his students what ikigai is and invites them to explore and pursue their passion in life. He encourages them to stop and reflect deeply. These students are ripe to hear. They are asking themselves, “What do I want to do for the rest of my life?” They can choose a job to make a living, a career to perfect a skill, or a vocation to give meaning to their lives.
As a psychologist, I meet daily with people of all ages who ask themselves, “Why do I feel so empty? What can give meaning to my life?” Several of my middle-age patients have exhausted themselves climbing the ladder of their successful careers only to find out it is leaning against the wrong wall. They are burned out and discover they ignored their life’s passion.
My approach to healing and growth parallels the recommendations of Garcia and Miralles. I envision a three step process suggested by the AA slogan, “Trust God; clean house; help others.” Let me explain.
TRUST GOD
Trusting God means coming to know and trust our true selves. We all have an innate wisdom, a higher consciousness, that we often ignore. That wisdom is God’s life within us. Often, we follow the dictates of our unconscious programming from our childhood and society. These messages make a deep impression on us, and we follow them automatically. Many of us live on automatic pilot, as Garcia and Miralles suggest. We keep ourselves busy and distracted and avoid looking inward. We do not ask ourselves what gives our lives ultimate meaning.
Patients come to me because they feel miserable. They are trapped in the prison of thoughts, feelings, and reactions they hate. Their lives may feel empty. The pain cries out to be heard and relieved. In desperation, they come for help.
Contrary to their expectations, I invite my patients to sit with their pain to learn its message. I assure them that all their feelings are friends who have gifts to offer. “Don’t try to get rid of them so quickly. Welcome them,” I say. Beneath the pain is a longing for new life. I encourage my patients to pay full attention to themselves, to whatever arises from within. I teach them to be observers of their reactions and to listen to their wise minds. “Be open to your deepest desires (ikigai) and nurture them,” I tell them.
Of course, my patients want to be happy. I tell them that pursuing happiness is like chasing the wind. We can never grasp it. Instead, it is a byproduct of being our true self (following our ikigai). I encourage my patients to discover and simply be themselves.
CLEAN HOUSE
It is easier said than done, of course. Perhaps, more complicated than Garcia and Miralles lead us to believe. My patients come to me because they feel stuck. Some simply do not know what they want. “I don’t know what makes me happy,” they complain. They live at a distance from themselves and do not know how to gain entry. They may have so many choices to make, but do not have a clear sense of their own priorities. They are caught up in the confusion of their cross-purposes, their many competing desires.
Others tell themselves they know what they want, but cannot seem to follow through. They complain, “I know I should diet and exercise, but I can’t get myself to do it. I know I’m wasting time on the internet, but I can’t stop myself.” They feel a sense of powerlessness over their lives. They feel controlled by unknown forces, both within and outside themselves. No less a saint than Paul lamented, “I cannot even understand my own actions. I do not do what I want to do but what I hate.” (Romans 7: 15)
In the process of therapy, we expose the selfish desires that hide in the shadows-- our cravings for attention, sex, power, money, and so forth—to loosen their hold over us. We admit and let go of long-held resentments. We recognize and give up our childish fantasies of a perfect life according to our wishes. We acknowledge our fear and laziness that keep us from growing up and accepting full responsibility for our lives. In short, we let our immature false self die so that our mature true self may come to life. Cleaning house of unwholesome desires, we then choose values that enable us to be our best self.
This perilous, and often messy, journey of self-discovery cannot be navigated alone. We need trustworthy and wise companions. So we choose to work with a therapist, join support groups and churches. We associate with like-minded spiritual seekers.
HELP OTHERS
Awakened to our ikigai, we naturally look for ways to address the needs of the world. We realize that in caring for others, we are caring for ourselves because we are so intimately connected. Others’ suffering and joy are ours. The world is one, interconnected. The Japanese proverb proclaims, “Only staying active will make you want to live a hundred years.”
Garcia and Miralles emphasize active service as the path to true contentment. This aspiration appeals to us pragmatic Americans. However, there are many diverse ways of living out our unique ikigai, according to our individual temperaments. In fact, what we do is not nearly as important as our inward motivation for doing it. Not only do we seek to do what we love. We also strive to love whatever we are doing. St. Teresa of Calcutta said, “We cannot all do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” Loving wholeheartedly gives us lasting joy. We live into eternity.
In the eastern traditions, there are several different approaches to a fulfilled life. These are called “Yogas,” which mean union with our true self, others, and the Divine. We are most familiar with the way of selfless service (Karma Yoga), loving others without seeking a return or particular outcome. The way of knowledge (Jnana Yoga) is dedicated to discovering and teaching others the truth. Parents, teachers, and writers follow this pathway. The way of devotion (Bhakti Yoga) recognizes the presence of the Sacred everywhere and always. Those devoted to loving God, their family, and everyone in a heartfelt manner embrace this value. Even small, random acts of kindness make a difference. Finally, the way of contemplation (Raga Yoga) leads to a prayerful life, a sense of awe and wonder at life’s Mystery. We experience communion with all of life. When we sincerely pray for others we celebrate this mysterious and uplifting bond.
Like water, our lives are in constant motion. It is best when it flows fresh and does not stagnate. Our passions will likely evolve through the unexpected twists and turns of life’s river. Our priorities shift. If we remain alert and aware in each passing moment, our ikigai will flower in surprising ways. For example, as we age we tend to become more contemplative and focused on the little matters of life.
Our hearts yearn for immortality and everlasting joy. Traditional religion promises these treasures in the life beyond. However, we desire it in the here and now. Our wisdom traditions, as expressed in the following of ikigai, teach a way to achieve it now: by living in the present moment with full awareness. If we come to know our true self we will discover even more, that we are unborn and undying. And bliss is our natural state, which only awaits us to realize it.
Check out Dennis's books:
Sign up for the MSI Press LLC newsletter
Follow MSI Press on Twitter, Face Book, and Instagram.
in exchange for reviewing a current or forthcoming MSI Press LLC book?
Contact editor@msipress.com.
Want an author-signed copy of this book?
Purchase the book at 25% discount (use coupon code FF25)
and concurrently send a written request to orders@msipress.com.
You can!
Find their contact information on our Authors' Pages.
Comments
Post a Comment