The Story behind the Book: He's a Porn Addict...Now What? (Overbay & Shea)
From the co-author, Joshua Shea --
I never planned on writing a book like this when I was a kid. I knew I was going to be a writer, although I was shooting for screenwriter or at least staff writer at Saturday Night Live. But there it was, my first book, under my name, published by a real company. “He’s a Porn Addict… Now What?” wasn’t the humorous, heartfelt fictional tale I thought would make my name in the world. It was both a memoir and self-help book geared toward the partners of pornography addicts, co-written by Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist who was one of the first people to invite me onto his podcast to speak about my former addiction and journey into recovery.
For most people suffering with the disease, it’s a secretive, shameful place and you feel utterly alone. And like any other addiction, the people around the addict get sick, too. My first book, a self-published memoir about the depths of my addictive journey, introduced me to the concept of betrayal trauma. Even more than getting a tome out to help pornography addicts, I knew that resources were needed for the partners of addicts who ask themselves questions like, “Is it my fault he is this way?” or “Does this mean he’s some kind of pervert or freak?” and thankfully Tony was ready to dive into its creation. I hit the books, did the research, spoke to many dealing with the issues and reflected upon my relationship with my wife during the addiction and early recovery. (I have been sober since early 2014).
The book was released in December 2019, before many people had heard of the concept of betrayal trauma, and while it’s often on Amazon’s Top 100 in various categories around the world, it didn’t set me up for retirement. I guess it just wasn’t a good stocking stuffer for Christmas. But it did provide a platform and I was soon giving more interviews about the subject than ever before.
Then COVID hit. Thankfully, because of the response to the book, a doctor who had invited me on their show offered to certify me as a betrayal trauma coach. They recognized that because of my years working as a journalist, I was good at connecting with people and didn’t have trouble asking the difficult questions. While our post-training relationship collapsed, I learned so much more than I could have imagined and, in the height of the pandemic, began coaching people for betrayal trauma and pornography addiction.
Now, here I am, four years later and this book just won’t die. Aborted plans to record an audio book because of the pandemic, finally came to fruition in late 2022 and we’ve sold several hundred in a year. Tony and I also recently finished putting a series together for TikTok based on the book. Hopefully, you never need my book as a first-person resource. Hopefully, you never need to enlist my services as a full-time betrayal trauma coach. But I can say that based on the feedback, it has helped people in a way nothing I’ve ever been a part of has helped.
I don’t know how many years I have left on this planet or what kind of adventures those years hold in store, but in the end, if my legacy is simply this book and the people it helped, I’ll take it.
To see the editor's behind-the-scenes view, click HERE. How little editors really know about what goes into a book -- and what is in the heart of an author -- is clear. When authors tell their stories, the stories are so rich!
For more book back stories, click HERE.
For more posts about Joshua and his book, click HERE.
in exchange for reviewing a current or forthcoming MSI Press LLC book?
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