Are emotions the secret key to unlocking true personal growth and meaningful connections?
Let’s begin with a confession: I used to think emotions were like weather—unpredictable, inconvenient, and best endured quietly until they passed. I preferred the sturdiness of logic, the clarity of action, the safety of detachment. But somewhere between caregiving crises, spiritual retreats, and late-night porch conversations with my multigenerational household, I began to suspect that emotions weren’t interruptions to growth—they were the curriculum.
Emotions as Teachers, Not Tourists
We often treat emotions like uninvited guests. Anger? Slam the door. Grief? Hide the good china. Joy? Let it in, but only if it promises not to rearrange the furniture. But what if emotions aren’t visitors at all? What if they’re residents—part of the architecture of our inner lives?
Personal growth isn’t a tidy staircase. It’s more like a spiral—revisiting old wounds with new wisdom, circling back to joy with deeper reverence. Emotions guide that spiral. They point to what matters, what hurts, what heals. They’re not just reactions; they’re revelations.
Connection Requires Feeling, Not Just Function
In a household like mine—layered with generations, faith traditions, and the occasional goat—we’ve learned that connection doesn’t come from shared schedules or efficient logistics. It comes from shared vulnerability. From the moment someone says, “I’m scared,” and someone else replies, “Me too.” From the laughter that erupts after a long silence. From the tears that say, “I trust you enough to let this show.”
Emotions are the bridge between people. They’re the language of empathy, the glue of community, the heartbeat of belonging. Without them, we may coexist. With them, we commune.
The Risk and the Reward
Feeling deeply is risky. It asks us to be porous in a world that rewards armor. But the reward is profound: a life that’s not just productive, but meaningful. Relationships that aren’t just functional, but transformative. Growth that isn’t just upward, but inward.
So yes—emotions are a secret key. Not because they unlock something external, but because they unlock us. They make us more honest, more connected, more alive.
And if you’re still skeptical, consider this: even the goats cry when they’re lonely. And they don’t care who’s watching.
This post was inspired by Learning to Feel by Kris Girrell..
Book Description:
Learning to Feel, Second Edition, teaches readers how to gain choice and authority over their emotional states. Feelings and emotions are reactions to the deeply held beliefs and experiences of our lives. In order to become fully emotionally intelligent - that is, to be able to know what is yours, what comes from the others, and how best to respond to those others - we must connect first to those core experiences and often re-interpret the meaning they have held for us. Learning to Feel is such a journey, intended to be a set of trail blazes for anyone who wishes to up their game in the realm of emotional intelligence. (Edition 1 was selected for the Independent Press Distinguished Favorite Award and a Literary Titan gold award.)
Literary Titan Gold Award
Independent Press Award Distinguished Favorite/Psychology
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