Guest post for May/Mental Health Month from Mark Wilson: Snapping Out of Depression When You are a Caregiver for Your Loved One
It is very easy if you are taking care of your loved one with
Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia to fall into a depression. This
depression can put a major risk to your health, and if you are depressed you
will not be a good caregiver for your loved one either.
Check
Your Mood Elevator
Before sharing what you can do to reenergize your positivity
and power, an important capability is knowing when you need to be uplifted. There is a simple tool that can help
immensely with this; it is called the “Mood Elevator”. The “Mood Elevator” was created by Larry
Senn, a leading consultant, and author in the field of Leadership. Larry Senn created the “Mood Elevator” to
help leaders know when they have the needed positive energy or “mood” to be
effective and when they don’t. The
higher buttons on the Mood Elevator are states that include “being grateful”,
“insightful” “creative”, “resourceful”, and “hopeful”. If you do a gut or feeling check on yourself
and have a sense you are in one of these higher mood states, you are high on
the mood elevator and you will be much more empowered and effective as a
leader. However, if you do your feelings check and you feel “angry”, “blaming”,
“depressed”, or “stressed out” then you are lower on the Mood Elevator and won’t
be as effective. If you are feeling you are in one of these lower mood states,
alarm bells should go off that you need to work to get renewed so that you can
be in these higher more effective mood states.
When you are up on the mood elevator you will be both happier and more effective
as your loved one’s care leader. How do you get out of depression and go up
high on the mood elevator. There are internal and external ways to get you
higher on the mood elevator when you are caring for your loved one with
dementia.
Passion:
The Core of Renewable Energy
You must find the passion and motivation to lead for your
loved one. It is critical when you are
discouraged during the journey to be able to renew that energy to lead by
tapping into the original drive that motivated you to help your loved one in
the first place. This will encourage you to travel more easily over the bumps
in the road on the dementia journey. This renewable energy source can come from
many places. For me it came from my deep
love and respect for Mom and the Faith Mom instilled in me. My Higher Purpose was Caring for Mom. Finally, my leadership passion also came from
my ancestors and the role models in my life.
I saw them all demonstrating their love by gracefully and gladly making
sacrifices for each other.
Your passion and renewable
energy may come from similar sources or from totally different sources. No matter where the source of your drive to
be your loved one’s Care Leader comes from, know what it is and call on it
often. You may think things are too
difficult. This is not the time to be
discouraged; but it is a chance for you to tap into your passion and renew you
loving care for your loved one who desperately needs you know. Being your loved one’s care leader is a
marathon and not a sprint. Your core
passion to love and care for your loved one will become your renewable source
of energy. Regularly remind yourself of how important taking care of your loved
one is. Regularly check in with your
Higher Purpose or our Maker to stay energized. The following are additional
things to do to maintain the drive and positivity needed for the marathon.
Getting
Caregiving Help for Renewal
Once again, you will very likely
need and benefit from direct caregiving help.
I opted not to have outside caregivers for the first four years of Mom’s
journey. As Mom entered the middle years
of her Alzheimer’s journey, I found myself staying up all night to watch her,
dressing her, bathing her, serving her meals, and managing increasingly
challenging medical care. I felt exhausted and overwhelmed. Even though my passion and drive were sky
high, I could feel my care effectiveness, energy and capability dropping. I was not providing the care that Mom needed
and deserved. This was the “a ha” moment I needed to begin to find the best
caregivers to help me. In Chapters 14-17
of my book Breakthrough Alzheimer’s Care I share how I found, led, retained,
and motivated these incredible caregivers. I cannot begin to tell you how their
loving help sustained and renewed my passion, love, and drive for this
incredible journey. I finally could get
some sleep so I could be a better Care Leader. My wonderful team not only
helped Mom immensely, but they also offered help, friendship, and support for
me personally.
Emotional
Help to Reframe and Recharge
It is very normal to go through a great amount of emotional
angst and stress as your loved one travels the Alzheimer’s journey with
you. You see your loved one slowly slip
away is likely to be the most heart wrenching experience in your life. I needed emotional support as well as Direct
Care help. Mom declined mentally and physically at different rates during her
long journey. Some phases were much
harder to experience for me than others. Fairly early on, Mom lost her speech.
Losing the ability to talk with Mom was especially emotionally hard for
me. Being so busy taking care of Mom in
the early phase, I was at a big risk of internalizing all this anxiety. After my dad passed away, because I never
verbalized my anxiety and grief, I had heart palpitations, dizziness, and other
physical problems. After talking to a
therapist these medical issues subsided.
I knew I did not want this to happen again to me, especially while
caring for Mom, so I made sure that I had someone to talk to that could help me
not internalize all this anxiety. There are studies that show that the stress
of being a loved one’s caregiver leads to caregivers getting medical problems.
My therapist was a great sounding board for my feelings and offered some great
ways to reframe what I was going through with Mom. I found therapy helped me with the grief of
seeing Mom of slowly losing Mom. If you do not have someone to talk to or a
group to help you through this emotional journey you risk missing many moments
of joy during the journey. Another helpful idea is to join an
Alzheimer’s Support Group. There are
many of these support groups in almost every community and families are
encouraged and usually find much of the help they need. The National and local Alzheimer’s
Association organization will help you find the right group for you.
This critical emotional renewal can come from a therapist, a
support group, or other family members. It may even come from a very special
soulmate friend or partner. Your loved
one needs the best of you as Care Leader, so please get the emotional and
physical help you need to be that marathon care leader with your loved
one.
Physical
Activity and Social Connections for Renewed Energy
If as Care Leader, you can create moments where you can
connect with friends and stay physically active you will be recharged and
positive. Your loved one with dementia will benefit from your positive
attitude. When I had moments of time I
would prioritize going for short walks in the neighborhood. Even if it was short, I would also try to
make at least some kind of social connection at least a couple of times a week.
My friends were a great support and patiently listened to me talk about my
caregiving challenges. At times I just
needed a distraction from caregiving that my friends provided. You may have very limited time as Care
Leader, but physical activity and social connections are very important to
maintaining your energy and positivity.
I would always take my phone with me on these recharge breaks. My
caregivers were very talented, and they knew my brief time away was important
for me. I cannot remember a single time
when I was called back because there was a caregiving problem or
emergency. Because I hired the best, I
trusted my family of superstar caregivers; Mom was in good hands and so was I.
Faith,
Hope, and Love as Recharger
I found myself saying a lot of short prayers for Mom, for my
wonderful caregivers, for my sister, and for my own strength, tenacity, and
capability to help Mom through our Alzheimer’s journey. I am so grateful that Mom raised me in faith;
this helped me tap into the faith I needed during this time. I hope that you
too can tap into your Faith to help you and your loved one during their
journey. Even though Mom had lost her words, I know that her Faith carried her
through her Alzheimer’s journey too.
Luisa, one of our five remarkable long-term Caregivers would
occasionally pray with Mom. Even though
Mom could not say a word I saw Mom smile as a loving glow came over her when
Luisa prayed with her.
When I saw these moments of joy come over Mom my strength
would be renewed too. I knew even when
Mom lost some cognitive ability, physical ability, and changed emotionally her
Soul was always there and would always be there. These holy moments of joy were critical in
giving me new energy to learn more and do more for Mom’s care. Being in gratitude gave me positive energy. I
tried to stay grateful for Mom, my family, my care
Summary
1.
Your
energy, drive, and positivity to take care of your loved one at the highest
level is important to bring the necessary excellence to the Breakthrough Care
Elements. You and your positive energy
and leadership become the game changer for your loved one.
2.
It
will be very hard to sustain your energy for the Care Leader marathon without
renewable sources of energy. Most
important, keep tapping into the internal sources of renewal like your
core passion and your Faith to help your loved one. You must find it and come
back to tap into it when you are tired, scared, or discouraged. Focus on the
positive, try to stay grateful and high on the mood elevator. If you believe in a higher power, pray. All
these internal sources of energy and renewal can help strengthen your
resolve.
3.
External sources of energy renewal are also very important. These include:
a.
Care
help from great caregiver agencies and Alzheimer’s associations.
b.
Emotional
support from therapists and formal Alzheimer’s Support Groups. You can find
these support groups through your local Alzheimer’s Associations, your Church
and Synagogue, or online.
c.
Social
Connections are vital for renewal.
Connecting with friends and family can help you feel supported and take
a break from caregiving and a little needed fun.
d.
Finally,
physical exercise is important for energy and your health. Walking or other
forms of exercise can help you feel energized and give you a little necessary
fun too.
post contributed by Breakthrough Alzheimer's Care by Mark Wilson. (Prefer an ebook?)
 |
Breakthrough Alzheimer's Care offers a powerful and practical roadmap for family caregivers who want more than just survival-they want their loved ones to thrive. When leadership expert Mark left a 20-year corporate career to care for his mother with Alzheimer's, he approached caregiving with the same breakthrough mindset that had driven his professional success. The result was nothing short of extraordinary: his mother experienced more joy, better health, and greater longevity than anyone thought possible.
Part memoir and part how-to guide, this compelling book blends personal reflection with research-based insights and practical tools that help families transform their Alzheimer's care experience. Readers will find detailed guidance on how to:
- Design a daily routine that supports physical, emotional, and cognitive well-being.
- Apply nutrition and brain health strategies proven to enhance function and mood.
- Use cognitive stimulation to preserve memory and engagement.
- Select, coach, and lead caregivers as an effective care team.
- Improve communication and outcomes during doctor visits.
- Access mobile medical support and technology-based care solutions.
- Prevent caregiver burnout through strong leadership and self-care.
Unlike traditional caregiver manuals, Breakthrough Alzheimer's Care goes beyond coping to offer a vision of thriving-showing how compassionate leadership and innovative thinking can dramatically improve quality of life for both the person with dementia and those who care for them.
Drawing from his personal journey, Mark shares hard-won lessons, practical systems, and heartwarming stories that illustrate what's possible when caregivers combine love with strategy. His unique approach reframes caregiving as a mission of empowerment rather than endurance, encouraging readers to build hope, resilience, and teamwork every step of the way.
Whether you're just beginning to navigate the challenges of Alzheimer's or have been caring for a loved one for years, Breakthrough Alzheimer's Care will help you find renewed purpose, strength, and connection. It's an inspiring and transformative guide for every family touched by dementia-one that proves a better, brighter caregiving experience is within reach.
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