Precerpt from My 20th Language: Brain Burps and Linguistic Landmines

When speaking a foreign language, there are always opportunities for errors—sometimes embarrassing ones. These can even occur in one’s first language, especially when an expression is unfamiliar.

For example, at age twelve, I was the master (senior leader) of our local Junior Grange. That year, our group was selected to perform the degree ceremony at the State Grange. During the event, there was a moment when senior Grange leaders were invited to say a few words. The matron (our adult advisor) leaned over and whispered, “Ask if there are any big whigs here who would like to speak.”

Not knowing the term “big whigs,” and unaware that I should have said something like “senior leaders,” I blurted out, “Do any of you big whigs out there want to say something?” Suffice it to say, no one volunteered. The matron turned bright red—on my behalf.

Years later, while presenting at a conference in the UK, I spoke about teacher preparation in the United States. Someone asked if there were special requirements for getting a teaching job. “Oh yes,” I replied earnestly. “All American teachers are certified.”

Thunderous laughter erupted across the room. I was mystified until the Russian panelist, who had studied at Oxford, leaned over and whispered, “Betti, zdes’ ‘certified’ znachit ‘sumasshedshij’” (Here, ‘certified’ means ‘crazy’). Oops!

False friends—those misleading words that look familiar but mean something entirely different—are the pranksters of language learning, linguistic banana peels. They sneak into conversations and leave confusion (or hilarity) in their wake. For instance, embarazada in Spanish doesn’t mean “embarrassed”—it means “pregnant.” Here are some others:

· French: Actuellement – It doesn’t mean “actually,” but “currently.”

· German: Gift – Not a present, but poison.

· Russian: Magazin – Not a glossy publication, but a store.

· Italian: Sensibile – Means “sensitive,” not “sensible.” So ,

Languages are full of these little traps. They remind us that meaning lives in context—and that laughter is often the best teacher.

Because my French was much stronger than my Spanish, it often influenced my Spanish. I was rarely accused of anglicismos (errors from English interference), but frequently of gaullismos (errors from French interference).

Even in my strongest language—Russian—cognitive burps happen. Sometimes it’s just a brain fart, as my secretary used to call them. Other times, it’s an attempt to fill a lexical gap and not quite hitting the mark.

One memorable example: my friend Racho, a Bulgarian, and I often spoke Russian as our shared language. While discussing my upcoming trip to Siberia, I said I hoped to find a canoe for my husband (a competitive whitewater kayaker). Instead of baidarka (kayak), my brain burped and out came bardak—which means brothel.

Racho didn’t flinch. “That’s what I like about Americans,” he said. “They’re so open about sex.”

Sex? My mind raced. What did Bulgarians do in canoes?? We sorted it out and had a good laugh.

My Russian students in the diplomatic corps made their share of mistakes too—hilarious ones, often in public and serious settings. I wish I had collected them all. Some were priceless.

One student, now an American official, was standing in a reception line at the consulate in Leningrad (now St. Petersburg). When asked where his wife was, he replied, “U menya netu zheny. Ya kholodilnik.” He meant to say he was a bachelor (kholostoy, slang for “spent shell”), but instead said he was a refrigerator. People scratched their heads. A refrigerator?

Another student, trying to introduce his wife, should have said, “Razreshite mne predstavit’ moyu zhenu” (Let me present my wife). Instead, he said, “Razreshite mne predlozhit’ moyu zhenu” (Let me offer you my wife). Oops.

I’ve made my own public blunders too. Perhaps the most embarrassing was in front of about 150 people during a lecture in Krasnoyarsk. A friend and I wanted to describe someone as a “jack-of-all-trades.” Unable to find the Russian equivalent, we invented a phrase that seemed clear: “ona master na vse pribory” (she is a master of all tools).

Cue thunderous laughter. In regional slang, pribor (tool) was a crude reference to the male organ. (We later learned the correct phrase was master na vse ruki—master of all hands.) Tools seemed closer to the concept, but languages are not always predictable.

Later that week, we had lunch with senior university leadership. One of them smiled and said, “I’m so happy to meet the authors of the current letuchi” (popular saying, literally “flying thing”), and repeated our master na vse pribory line—with laughter.

Brain burps happen. No one is immune. But one can hope they occur in the least public forum—and don’t become a local letuchi.

For more posts about language learning, click HERE.

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