MSI Press Blog

  How do I know if he’s actually an addict?   Tony, the mental health professional   To be clear, until recently, there wasn’t anything in either the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) or the World Health Organization’s (WHO) International Classification of Diseases (ICD) that talked about sexual addiction or pornography addiction. Recently, the WHO updated the ICD to include Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD) as a mental health condition. While this designation doesn't exactly meet the standard for addiction, it is definitely the strongest statement made by a body of experts in the field of sexual mental health.   Let me share a very 30,000-foot view of what is happening to the brain when viewing pornography.  When a man watches porn, his brain releases the feel-good drug, dopamine. There is some fascinating research around what is called “The Coolidge Effect.” The idea is that a male will mate with

My First Questions How do I know if he’s actually an addict? Tony, the mental health professional When a client comes into my office to talk about her partner who she thinks is an addict, she’ll usually begin to list all the reasons she’s sure he’s addicted to pornography. Then she’ll ask me the question, “How do I really know?” At this point, I recognize she’s doubting herself and questioning her intuition. This usually happens for one of two reasons: either she thinks she’s not qualified to make that diagnosis or, most commonly, she doesn’t want it to be true. I’ll hear the client’s entire monologue about her partner’s behavior, a behavior that led her to my office in the first place, only to hear her say, “But I’m probably wrong.” What she’s really thinking is ‘Please tell me I’m wrong.’ Chances are, she’s not wrong, but there is help, and there is hope. There are countless definitions of addiction, each with its own little nuances, but for the work I do, I l

  from   He's a Porn Addict...Now What? Should I make him tell our pastor? Tony, the mental health professional: Remembering that ultimately you can’t “make” him do anything, I feel that it is reasonable to ask him to confess to your pastor, especially if he has truly been living a “double life” with regard to the addiction. Many addicts attend church regularly, which can confuse a spouse. “How can he worship God, or teach a Sunday School class, or hold any type of church responsibility and be acting out?” These are hard questions to process for the betrayed, but to the betrayer, this has been part of the shame cycle that often keeps an addict turning back to the addiction. Many addicts tell me that when they are in church, they are trying to be “all in.” They often say that they truly do compartmentalize areas of their lives, and when it comes to church, they often desperately cling to the hope that while they are in their “spiritual compartment” they will feel some hope. Often th

  Introduction This book is a unique collaboration between a mental health professional, Tony Overbay, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Joshua Shea, a former journalist who spent more than two decades struggling with pornography addiction. Usually, the expert sitting in the chair and the person on the couch getting the help don’t work together on a project outside of the therapist’s office, but we think this is a natural match. (And for those wondering, Josh was never Tony’s client—they met on a podcast.) Tony spends dozens of hours every week working with couples who are at various stages of the therapy process. Many of these couples have struggled with pornography issues. Although you’re probably feeling alone in the world right now, you are not. Tony has dealt with women, men and couples who are going through exactly what you are experiencing. Josh was a pillar of his community when his world came crashing down. A magazine publisher and city councilor, his life cha

  This excerpt comes from He's a Porn Addict...Now What? (Overbay and Shea) How did he manage to conceal it all so well and deceive me for such a long time?   Tony, the mental health professional: You may have just found out, but more than likely there have been years of this pattern of behavior on his part that have led to either his disclosure or your discovery, and during these years there has undoubtedly been a tremendous amount of guilt and shame on his part. Guilt can be a good emotion, because it can cause someone to evaluate a situation and motivate them to do something different. But when shame kicks in, that’s the voice that tells you, “You’re a horrible person and you’ll never overcome this. People are going to know you’re a fraud, or that you’re disgusting if they ever find out about this.” Pornography is the type of addiction that for most individuals is laced with guilt and shame, evolving into an addiction fueled by isolation because they don’t want anyone to

  Background to the podcast written by Ashley Jo Brewer: Joshua Shea is a pornography addiction expert, certified betrayal trauma coach, and the author of three books about pornography addiction, including  He’s a Porn Addict…Now What? An Expert and Former Addict Answer Your Questions . Since 2018, Joshua has given more interviews about pornography addiction and betrayal trauma than anybody in the world. During his interviews he does not portray an anti-porn message but rather promotes the ideas that porn addiction spans all demographics and those with a problem should seek help before it’s too late. After speaking openly about pornography addiction, he began receiving messages from wives, girlfriends, and mothers of addicts. As a result, he now speaks about the issue of working through betrayal trauma, especially with the partners of addicts and those who are facing infidelity. Today, Josh is not only recovering from a 24-year pornography addiction; he’s also been sober since 2014. Wh