MSI Press Blog

Paige Lovitt for Reader Views says: On the cover, “Divorced!” by Joanna Romer states that it has survival techniques for “Singles over Forty.” As someone who was divorced at 35, I think that this would have been a great resource for me to have even at that age. Each chapter is written by a man or a woman that has survived divorce. Their stories reflect the topic being covered, which can range from the actual divorce, recovery, reclaiming yourself, to starting over and your new life. There are a lot of incredibly valuable stories shared in the 130 pages of text contained in this book. I found each story to be valuable, if not for me, for a friend who is going through divorce as I write. There are meaningful guidelines offered to help remind the reader about what steps they can take for healing and moving on with their life. There is a definite emphasis on relying on your faith to get you through the darkness. For many readers, this will be comforting. If you are getting di...

From Divorced!  by Joanna Romer Don’t Let Your Ex Make You Miserable! While many divorced people want to discuss with their ex “what went wrong” with their marriage, you may find yourself coming to dread such conversations. Going through my second divorce, I told my therapist, “I feel awful after I talk with him, and I don’t know why!” The therapist’s reply: “So, don’t talk to him.” “What do you mean?” I asked. “I have to talk to him—“ “Why?” he interrupted. “You’ve got a lawyer. Everything’s pretty   much hashed out anyway.  So, don’t call him.” I was doubtful. “What if he calls me?” “Don’t answer.” Even though it seemed initially like the cowardly way of handling things, I soon found that I felt much better without the bi-weekly conversation with my ex, where we’d been trying to discuss our differences. After two weeks of not talking to him at all, I was noticeably more cheerful. As my therapist said, everything important had alr...

INTRODUCTION  You’re recently divorced, and you’re having a little trouble handling it all. It’s bad enough that you’re alone and feeling almost worthless, but you can’t stop wondering what you did wrong to make your world come crashing down. How did this happen? More to the point, how did this happen to you? You’re not alone. Since the mid-1970s, the divorce rate in this country has hovered around a surprising 50% for first-time marriages. For second marriages the figure is even higher; about 60% of these end up in divorce court. While television shows and magazine articles usually focus on the court battles during divorce, the real trauma often takes place after the papers are signed, when the newly divorced person faces life alone. These singles must carry on their daily lives despite battered egos, diminished bank accounts and sometimes even the loss of friends who have “taken sides” in the battle. As a twice-divorced woman, I know about these issues and the toll th...

  from  Divorced! Survival Techniques for Singles over Forty  (Romer)        Self-Nurturing   You’ve had a rough day battling challenges at your job, perhaps some unexpected financial upsets and the usual tumult of traffic, weather and never enough time. Lurking behind these everyday occurrences is the hurt and confusion of dealing with your divorce. What do you do? Should you bolster a stiff upper lip, swallow your feelings and continue your work, whatever it may be? No, not necessarily. The newly divorced person, like the newly bereaved, needs special handling. That inner child in you is still confused about all the pain you’re going through—it (and you) deserves some coddling. How do we comfort ourselves when we know that comforting and pampering are exactly what we need? It’s not hard—the only difficult part is allowing ourselves those moments of self indulgence. Self-nurturing is a must for the newly divorced person, but it’s an activity...

  Excerpt from  Divorced! Survival Techniques for Those over Forty   Fear   The most common fear for the newly divorced person is an unsettling feeling that you will never find anyone else—ever. The thought of being alone for the rest of your life brings a sort of panic to your chest; it’s hard to breathe, and your heart seems to race uncontrollably. You, who used to be so independent, are suddenly at the point of combing through all of your acquaintances trying to find someone—anyone—with whom you might spark a relationship. It’s odd because you weren’t like this before your marriage. My goodness, you were the gal (or guy) who could take it or leave it when it came to relationships; you had to be wooed, courted, played up to—but now look at you. Fear has made a basket case out of you: fear of being alone, fear of never having that special someone to share things with, make love with, and go places with. What can you do?      First, try and r...

  from Divorced! Survival Techniques for Singles over Forty (Romer) The Break-U p   “I want a divorce.” If you cringe when you read these words, chances are you’ve heard them yourself. Or maybe you’ve uttered them—initiating a divorce is almost as bad as being the victim of one. Well, not quite. Having been in both situations, I can attest that it is far more painful to be the one who is left. Feeling lost, betrayed or abandoned is a typical reaction for the marriage partner who has been told that he or she is no longer necessary for whatever reason.  We cry, we sulk, we wonder what we did wrong. Often there is confusion and unanswered questions—is he really leaving today ? Is there another woman (or man), or isn’t there? That person whom we thought we knew, the one who is now in the process of walking out the door, isn’t telling us everything because—well, the truth hurts. At this difficult juncture, our soon-to-be ex-spouse may be trying to spare our feelings by le...

from  Divorced! Survival Techniques for Singles over Forty  (Romer)   Feeling Abandoned   There you are, facing your first Christmas alone—ever. You’ve always had someone around at the holidays—first your parents and siblings, later on your spouse and your own children—but this year, things are different. Your wife left you in August and you haven’t really had the heart to hook up with anyone else yet. Both your parents are long gone and your only sister lives 3,000 miles away, with her own family to take care of. What should you do? There’s a big part of you right now that feels like a motherless child, totally abandoned. Maybe you feel rejected, unattractive, or unworthy of love. These are all feelings that society places on people who are the “victims” of divorce, and they have nothing to do with who you really are. This is not a place where you want to remain for very long. Once you erase the perception of yourself as being abandoned by your ex-spouse, a lot...